


Next In Line

by funkylilwriter



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cuddlefucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Queer Platonic Partners, Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, bad boy good boy dynamic, just a littol smut scene in the very very end, qpps, tattoo artist mino, writer jinu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-07-15 18:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16068401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylilwriter/pseuds/funkylilwriter
Summary: Kim Jinwoo has a tendency to fall for people who later mistreat him in their brief relationships that always end badly, with the blame dropped onto him. With this never ending pattern, he can only assume that the tattoo artist in the new shop across the street from Jinwoo's favourite cafe, the guy who rode into his life on a roaring motorcycle, Song Minho, would be nothing but trouble.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a lil introduction chapter.
> 
> I hit a horrible art block, I hardly have the motivation to continue any of the ongoing stories I currently have, and I sincerely hope that this'll help hype me up even a little.

Women who grew up with a negative father figure are more likely to get into abusive relationships.

Jinwoo didn't think he'd face this problem head-on before he'd realized he was gay.

Now, it was evident that this rule applies to queer men too.

It was always the same scenario. At that point Jinwoo knew what would happen before it even did, just like now.

He was sitting in his favourite coffee shop, trying to be slick while looking across the street at the newly-opened tattoo shop.

And then he spotted his idiot.

The next in line to ruin his life.

Jinwoo saw it like a vision; he imagined this was what people think of when they say their “life flashed before their eyes” – except it’s not his life, just this one relationship.

He saw himself mustering up the courage to approach the asshole – because he’s always the one to do the heavy lifting – in some interesting way he hadn’t tried before. The guy would be his usual idiot self and Jinwoo would fall for him like an even bigger idiot. He would fall for the guy’s purple hair, leather jacket, lip piercing, motorcycle and the tattoo on his stomach while in turn he would fall for Jinwoo’s “charm” and “innocence”. Images of their dates flashed before his eyes to the point where they finally hook up, before Jinwoo catches the guy with some other person and the classic “it never would have worked out between us. We’re just so different.”

Jinwoo sighed, blowing the steam from his coffee and creating a crater in the designed foam.

At least with so many failed relationships one develops thick skin. These days he doesn’t despair about an ended relationship more than one evening, and in the morning he’s good to go to his classes and continue living his life.

He knew he’d regret it, but he was already figuring out a way to approach Song Minho.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo’s anxiousness returned like a tidal wave; it was the moment he’d been preparing for, the sentence he’d practiced over and over in his head, despite its simplicity. “I’d like to get a tattoo?” It came out more as an uncertain question rather than a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so nervoooouuus about this chapteeeeer I hope it's not a let doooown I know a lot of y'all were asking for iiiiiiiit

Jinwoo shuddered in the cool air outside the tattoo shop as he gathered the courage to enter.

He shifted from foot to foot, making sure to keep out of the window where he could be seen by the man who was seated inside.

Mino was at the counter, leaning over some magazine, looking bored. He had no costumers at the moment, while his co-workers were busy – which was exactly how Jinwoo had wanted it to be when he entered, yet he was still hesitant.

But he wasn’t going to quit. At some point he broke, if only because it was too cold outside for him to stay standing.

He pushed the door open and took a few reluctant steps inside.

Mino looked up upon hearing the small ‘ding’ from the door. He gave a tired yet bright smile and said, “Hey there. Can I help you?”

A few more reluctant steps and Jinwoo was at the desk. He rested his loose fists on the edge of the surface, looking around the shop, delaying the moment he would have to lock eyes with Mino.

His gaze passed over the other two artists, both hunched over their respective works.

Finally his gaze made a full circle and rested on the man before him. “Yeah,” he said.

He saw the way Mino was looking at him, expectant, waiting for him to speak. Mino was lazily chewing gum and suddenly the sentence Jinwoo had practiced in his head got erased from his mind.

“Does your gum ever get caught in your piercing?” He deadpanned.

Mino’s smile was swept away in an expression of surprise; he’d even stopped chewing while trying to make sense of the question.

And he burst out laughing.

It was the genuine kind, a loud and warm sound that would make the most serious of people crack a smile. And so did Jinwoo.

“I mean... It hasn’t happened yet, but now I won’t be able to stop thinking about it!” Mino accused, looking at the other with an amused smile.

Jinwoo gave an innocent little shrug.

Mino rested his elbow on the counter and placed his cheek in his palm. “So, can I help you? Or did you come in here just to ask me that?”

Jinwoo’s anxiousness returned like a tidal wave; it was the moment he’d been preparing for, the sentence he’d practiced over and over in his head, despite its simplicity. “I’d like to get a tattoo?” It came out more as an uncertain question rather than a request.

Mino straightened up, as if already slowly warming up for work. “Yeah, that’s the general idea of coming here. Do you know what you want to get tattooed?”

And then it hit him. It was the part Jinwoo had completely overlooked. “Uhm... No, not really. I have no idea where I want it either...”

Mino’s smile was tired but he didn’t call Jinwoo out on his indecisiveness. “I gotchu. Let’s figure out the what first and then we’ll figure out the where.”

He brought out a couple of catalogues for Jinwoo to take a look at. He skimmed through them; the sound of pages turning filled the dimly lit space, along with the steady hum of the machines. There was even chatter to the right, but Jinwoo didn’t look up to check which one of the other two artists was making small talk.

Jinwoo turned out to be much more indecisive than initially thought. He went through one whole catalogue before he started seeing Chinese characters.

That was when Mino shifted, frowning at the pages. “Shit, uh—I don’t recommend _any_ of those. A friend wrote them and he’s a fucking asshole, I bet he wrote some nasty shit on purpose.”

Jinwoo smiled, looking over all the truly nasty phrases translated as things like “love” and “eternity”. “Yeah, your friend... He really is an asshole.”

Mino tilted his head. “You understand?”

Jinwoo threw a quick glance up at him, adjusting the strap of his bag. “I’m uh... I’m a linguist, Chinese was my major,” he blurted out, shrinking as he spoke. He didn’t look up to see the reaction, but he did hear the reply and the amusement in Mino’s voice,

“Oh? So what do these say?”

Jinwoo shook his head. “Things I don’t want to repeat.”

Mino chuckled again and Jinwoo thought to himself that he could get used to that sound. His laughter was contagious and was Jinwoo not so anxious, he would have laughed along.

He looked down again, nearly burying his face in the pages. “Okay, I want this,” he said, deciding on impulse. He felt like he was taking too long to decide and he didn’t want to keep Mino waiting.

He leaned over to see what Jinwoo was pointing at. “Does it really mean _‘blossom of the evening star’_?”

Jinwoo huffed. “ _No_. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean in Korean either, but it sure does sound stupidly poetic.”

Mino was still snickering, flicking his gaze up at Jinwoo briefly. “Well what _does_ it mean?”

“Just... Winner.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. Person who wins. Winner.”

Mino gave a small nod and stretched. “Amazing. Now for the where...”

“Where does it hurt least?” Jinwoo tried to sound sarcastic or calm, but his voice came out sounding actually worried.

“It really depends. It hurts least in places with least nerve endings, but it also depends on the size of the tattoo and the size of the needle,” Mino explained.

Jinwoo shuddered at the mere mention of needles, but Mino didn’t seem to notice. He kept going,

“But this thing is like, really small and not coloured, obviously. It won’t take long which means less time to suffer. Although the lines are thin and it has tiny details so I’ll have to use a smaller needle, and the smaller the needle, the more it hurts.”

Jinwoo blinked. “Oh.” He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad news – it would hurt, but it wouldn’t last long? He didn’t bring his thoughts out in the open, not wanting to show how scared he was. Instead he said, “You just called your job suffering.”

Mino gave a Cheshire grin. “Nah, my job’s the fun part. It’s the customer who suffers.”

Jinwoo wanted to laugh, he really did, but he was already freaking out way too much to register the humour in Mino’s statement.

“I’m kidding!” He reassured, seeing Jinwoo’s terrified expression.

“Ah—Yeah, figured,” he muttered.

Mino regarded him carefully, realizing that he should probably say something to ease Jinwoo’s nervousness. “Listen, I do cover ups of my own work for free. And let’s just say no one’s yet asked me to cover anything up.”

Jinwoo nodded along, the information was at least of some consolation.

He cleared his throat, clasping his hands on top of the counter. “I’ll be okay, I’m sure... We still need the where. Where can I get a tattoo so that it doesn’t mess up job opportunities,” he mused, trying to figure it out himself.

Mino chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, assuming that no one will make you take your shirt off at a job interview, pretty much all of your torso and stomach is safe, yeah? As well as the back and thighs...”

“So, a lot of options,” Jinwoo muttered. His mind was racing, trying to decide quickly not to waste too much time. “I guess we can do lower stomach?”

 Mino nodded, “You’re the boss,” he said, flashing a smile as he started to gather the catalogues. “I can’t write hanja for shit so I’m just gonna print out the stencil, that okay?”

Not that Jinwoo knew what a stencil even was, but he didn’t want to bore with stupid questions so he just agreed. Whatever the proposition was, it didn’t sound dangerous

“Okay then, take a seat over there and I’ll be with you in a second.”

Jinwoo nodded, watching Mino walk away before moving to follow the instruction.

He went over to where Mino had showed him, put his bag on the ground and sat down, throwing look around the shop – he hadn’t paid attention to details when he’d first walked in.

Various tattoo designs were framed and hanging off the black walls. The furniture followed a red and black pattern and white neon lights illuminated the space. Two stations were occupied at the moment, which was that one thing Jinwoo had actually noticed.

Mino was back quickly, whistling some song as he walked over and sat down opposite of Jinwoo. He was busy cutting out what Jinwoo recognized as the two Chinese characters that would soon be inked into his skin.

And at first Jinwoo was paying attention to what Mino was doing, but after he lifted Jinwoo’s shirt with absolutely no hesitation, the elder’s heart nearly stopped and he could focus on nothing else but the touch. It was quite subtle – something about disinfection that Jinwoo did not listen to, only watching Mino’s hands work, gaze trailing up his veiny arms, which Jinwoo was absolutely weak for.

It took him quite a while to realize that he was chewing his bottom lip and had to make himself let go. When he did, he felt as if he would have drawn blood if he’d continued biting.

It was just a split second that Mino looked up, and then that second stretched on a second too long as his gaze lingered on Jinwoo’s lips.

By the time Mino looked down again, Jinwoo’s heart was racing.

“Since it’s your first time I should probably tell you what we’re doing—”

“Wait, how do you know it’s my first time?” Jinwoo cut in.

Mino gave a sympathetic smile. “Honestly it’s not hard to tell.”

The blonde sighed. “I guess you’re right. Go on, educate me.”

“So, I’ll apply this,” he lifted the stencil for emphasis, “wherever you tell me. The ink will transfer and you’ll tell me if you’re satisfied with the positioning. If not, I’ll just wipe the lotion off and we’ll try again.”

Jinwoo gave a sharp nod. “Simple.”

Mino smiled. “Yeah, simple. Show me then.”

Jinwoo took a look down at his own stomach, trying to imagine where a tattoo would look best. It didn’t really matter to him, seeing as it would mostly be covered – he wasn’t the type of guy who liked to take his shirt off often. He didn’t even like beaches and pools all that much.

He pointed a spot on his lower stomach to the right, next to his hip.

Mino nodded and got to work. And yes, his hands were gloved and the touch wasn’t direct. But Mino was pressing the stencil to Jinwoo’s skin and his hold was so firm that Jinwoo’s heart started beating hard against his chest and his breath hitched.

Mino mistook Jinwoo’s flusteredness for discomfort. He glanced up, although not letting go of Jinwoo, and said, “You can still bow out. You can’t go back once I start with the actual tattooing, but you’re still good to give up.”

Jinwoo shook his head quickly. “No, it’s not that—I’m fine.”

“If you say so,” Mino hummed.

He finally removed his hand and Jinwoo felt like he could breathe again, but he was left feeling tingly, the cold hitting his skin in absence of Mino’s warmth.

He looked down, tilting his head. He’d known even before that he would probably just give a green light on the first try because he truly didn’t want things to take too long – all that deciding whether the placement was _just right_.

“This is good,” he said quickly.

Mino raised his eyebrows, surprised by the sudden decisiveness. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Let’s just... Get it over with,” Jinwoo muttered.

The other chuckled, shaking his head. “Okay, I get it.”

Jinwoo had to look away from the needle, since the smallest glance made a bubble of panic rise from his gut to his chest. He had to at least try to hide the fear, he didn’t need Mino to see him as a coward from day one.

Unfortunately, nothing could escape that boy – or perhaps those kinds of details were just something he had to pay attention to – either way, Jinwoo’s reaction didn’t go unnoticed.

“Scared of needles?”

Jinwoo sighed and nodded.

“Hey, that’s cool, I just have to make sure you won’t faint or something because it’ll be on me.”

“I won’t faint,” Jinwoo shot. “It’s not – it’s not so bad, I’m not even _afraid_ , just a bit...” He trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe the feeling. “I’ll be fine as long as I don’t look.”

“You sure?”

Jinwoo looked him in the eye and nodded.

“In that case, look away now,” Mino said.

The moment he felt the prickling pain, Jinwoo started wondering whether it was worth going through it to get a boy’s number. Besides, that was a goal Jinwoo was nowhere near achieving.

On the other hand, he did get incredibly close to Mino more quickly than he’d gotten close to any of his previous crushes, so perhaps it was okay.

“So you studied Chinese, but what is it that you do?” Mino asked, not looking up from Jinwoo’s skin where his work was being done.

Jinwoo in turn didn’t look back at Mino, knowing that he wouldn’t bear to see the needle.

And he knew what the other was doing with the banter; distracting him from the pain.

“I uh—I’m a translator and a writer,” Jinwoo said. “It was a tough call between linguistics and literature, of course I wasn't an idiot to try and do both at the same time. But writing had always come naturally to me without a special course and I can always read in my free time, while on the other hand I didn't like the idea of learning a whole language on my own. But I think I'll start saving up so I can take on literature, this time it won't be my parents financing it all.”

Jinwoo usually didn’t talk much, especially not about himself. Truly he felt like a bother whenever he said more than two words, but this was a matter of necessity and both him and Mino knew it.

“You want to go to college twice?” The tattoo artist asked in disbelief.

“People do that,” Jinwoo muttered.

“No, that’s honestly impressive. Imagine being that passionate about something, a lot of people don’t have that.”

“You’re passionate about what you do?”

“ _Very_ ,” Mino said sincerely. “I didn’t always know this was something I’d do, but I was kind of a hopeless student. Only did well in what I was good at, that sort of deal. I figured that I won’t make a living off of anything in the academic realm and when I was getting my first tattoo I realized that the job is a practical one and connects to something I’m good at.”

“Which is?”

“Drawing,” Mino said.

Jinwoo’s lips parted in a little ‘o’ shape of realization. “So did you finish a school to do this?” He paused and added quickly, “I’m genuinely curious, by the way. I don’t mean to say that this job is something anyone can do or for people who don’t know what to do with their lives..”

“Ah, don’t worry. I really only ever hear about that stereotype at family dinners,” Mino joked, getting a small chuckle out of Jinwoo.

“Remind me not to make you laugh cause I really need you to stay still,” Mino added.

Now that he’d said it, it was hard not to laugh. “Shoot, sorry.”

“It’s good, I didn’t fuck up. But yeah, I did go to college, majored in art, go figure. I make some money on the side off of that too, but for me drawing and painting is more like writing to you. I love it, but I don’t currently live off of it.”

Jinwoo nodded. “That’s really nice. How lucky are we, to have two things we love to do?”

“Very lucky.”

As the conversation died out and was replaced by the hum of the machine, Jinwoo was unfortunately left to focus on the pain caused by his skin being cut open repeatedly. The fact that he was slowly getting used to the sensation didn’t make it all that easier and still it was the only thing Jinwoo could think of.

Halfway through, Mino’s co-worker from the station on the right had finished his part and he walked over to say goodbye.

“Looks like Dongwook will finish before you, too,” he mused.

“Yup, I’ll close up,” Mino said.

His friend leaned in to take a look at Mino’s work. “Oh, he chose one of my designs,” he hummed, smirking until he actually read the word and his shoulders dropped in disappointed.

“Nice try, asshole. He speaks Chinese,” Mino said, smirking.

The guy blinked and stared at Jinwoo.

“Ah, you’re the one with the nasty mouth,” Jinwoo hummed.

“Yeah, that’s Jiho,” Mino introduced informally.

Jiho smiled in what was supposed to be an innocent manner, but he ended up looking as sly as ever. “Yeah, that’s me. Anyways, you boys have fun, I’m going home.”

He went to say goodbye to the other guy, Dongwook, before going out the door.

“We’re doing the second character now,” Mino informed. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m suffering,” Jinwoo admitted.

Mino chuckled, shaking his head. “That wasn’t unexpected. Hang in there, you got this far.”

Jinwoo didn’t want to let the silence stretch for too long, because he felt like the stinging was getting too much. But he didn’t want to talk about himself again so he instead tried to think of something to ask Mino.

However, Mino beat him to it,

“I’m sorry I’m not so chatty, I’m just really exhausted.”

“It’s okay,” Jinwoo said. “I’m trying to find something to ask you that doesn’t sound like a question from a family dinner.”

Mino laughed again – clearly holding back in it since he needed his hands to be steady and he needed to stay focused. “What, like do I have a girlfriend?”

Jinwoo swallowed. “Do you?”

“Nah. No one even asks me that at family dinners anymore, it’s more like _has Mino stopped whoring around yet_.”

“Ouch,” Jinwoo mumbled.

“Yeah, well, it’s my fault for ever letting my parents find out about my sexuality. Now I’ll never escape that stereotype.”

“And uh, what’s your...” Jinwoo trailed off, realizing that the question may be inappropriate.

But he was proven wrong when Mino briefly lifted his hand from Jinwoo’s hip to point behind himself at a small bi pride flag stuck along with a bunch of pens.

“Oh.”

His impulsive decision to get a tattoo was truly starting to pay off. It wasn’t his number, but Jinwoo now knew two crucial things about Mino: he was single and into guys. There was that detail about him “whoring around” but it was mentioned in the context of family dinners and stereotypes, so Jinwoo couldn’t take it seriously.

Besides, even if it was true, it wasn’t unexpected. Quite the opposite, if Mino was anything like his past boyfriends he would be the type to only be interested in sex.

Jinwoo has only had a few relationships in the past but they were all more or less the same – he falls for a guy who is his polar opposite on so many levels, the guy likes him back and thinks for one split second that he wants a deeper relationship, he stays in Jinwoo’s life just long enough to fuck him up emotionally and physically before admitting that he’d only ever been attracted to Jinwoo because of his looks and his charming innocence.

_We’re too different. You’re a cutie but I don’t like you like that. I need some freedom._ He’s heard it all before.

Jinwoo wasn’t even optimistic at that point. He expected all the same things from Mino. And perhaps this time, when it’s all over, he wouldn’t fall apart. Perhaps he would finally be used to that kind of treatment.

These thoughts, as well as the continuous pain, nearly brought tears to Jinwoo’s eyes.

“What about you?” Mino asked, snapping the elder out of his thoughts.

“What about me?” He asked, nearly having forgotten their conversation to that point.

“What’s your preference?”

Jinwoo’s gaze fell on the pride flag that he’d been shown a minute ago and he remembered what the discussion had been.

“Me, well... I like girls—”

“Oh.”

“—as friends,” he added.

That was the only time Mino tore his gaze from his work, briefly. He was smiling. “So you also have lots of fun at family dinners.”

“I don’t attend family dinners, so I’m okay,” Jinwoo said.

“I’m sorry,” Mino said, although he didn’t know what the exact issue was.

And Jinwoo didn’t elaborate. He only said, “It’s okay.”

“I’m nearly done,” Mino told him.

Since there was still some time to fill and Jinwoo finally got an idea about what he could ask Mino, he spoke.

“What’s the biggest tattoo you have?”

Jinwoo had seen traces of letters sticking out from under the edges of Mino’s shirt, but the fabric still did a good job at covering them up so he couldn’t see what the tattoos were.

“Well... Most of the ones I have are pretty big and roughly the same size, so I don’t know which one would be the biggest,” he said. “I can show you when we’re done.”

“Sure,” Jinwoo said, trying not to think too much about it. Even though, up until that day, he’d never gotten a tattoo himself, he did have quite a _thing_ for them.

By the time they finished, Dongwook was also done with his work. He too came to say goodbye, telling Mino something about a big tattoo and multiple sessions, which Mino sympathised with.

And then it was finally, _finally_ the time to set the needle aside.

That didn’t mean that Jinwoo would be resting, since Mino was again applying lotion and Jinwoo could swear to God this, the entire session, was the closest he’d let a stranger get to him and for some odd reason it didn’t feel uncomfortable for a second – in the terms of human relations, that is. The tattooing process itself was most definitely uncomfortable.

And Jinwoo was left wanting Mino’s touch not to go away, but he didn’t dare let those thoughts escalate so quickly.

While doing this and covering Jinwoo’s new, tiny tattoo in clingfilm, Mino was talking. He was telling Jinwoo all the important things about the healing process, what he should do when he gets home, how he should take care of the tattoo until it fully heals, how he will know that it has healed.

And he truly tried to pay attention – that was all important to know – but his mind kept going back to Mino’s hand on his stomach, his other holding his hip and Jinwoo felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Got it?”

Jinwoo’s ears were buzzing. “Sure.”

Mino sighed, finally letting go of the elder. “Listen, it’s important you do exactly as I told you so we can try to avoid any trouble. Do you need me to tell you again?”

Jinwoo quickly shook his head, making his locks bounce around his face. “I promise, I got it.” He paused, his heart starting to race as he spotted an opportunity. “Maybe you can give me your number so I can ask if I forget anything...”

Jinwoo wasn’t sure if Mino’s smile was amused or fond, but it was there and it was beautiful.

“As if I wasn’t going to do that, silly. Who else are you gonna call if things go wrong?” He reached over to get a business card of simple design with four numbers printed on it. One was the shop’s number, the other two were Jiho and Dongwook’s.

“That’s me,” Mino said, pointing to the third number with his name next to it.

As if Jinwoo didn’t already know. As if his gaze wasn’t plastered to that name as soon as he saw it.

“Thank you.”

All that was left was to handle the payment and with them being the only ones in the shop there wasn’t even the machine’s buzzing to fill the silence.

But again Mino had something to say, a question that Jinwoo wasn’t quite ready to answer.

“Why did you decide to get it?”

The blonde blinked. “Huh?”

“The tattoo. You had no plan or anything so I’m only guessing it was an impulsive decision. Or was it a dare?”

“It was an impulsive decision.” Then he continued, cautiously. “But with a reason.”

“Oh? May I hear it?”

Jinwoo cleared his throat a little, clutching the card Mino had given him. “There’s this... There’s a coffee shop across the street. I used to go there to study and now I go there to work, I like the environment. And... I watched this place getting opened. One day I saw a – I saw a really handsome guy arrive on a motorcycle and I watched as he got into the shop and all I could think was... _I really need his number_.”

 He dared look up. Mino’s smile was now definitely amused, he clearly liked this story.

“You got a tattoo to get a number. That’s pretty impressive, most people aren’t willing to go that far for a possibility of a date,” he noted.

“What can I say, I’m reckless,” Jinwoo said and the pure sarcasm of his statement made Mino burst out laughing.

He was no longer holding back, since he didn’t need to keep himself steady. And he was mesmerizing, his smile had to be the most beautiful thing Jinwoo had ever seen.

“Well, you have all the numbers there. I hope you call your guy sometime soon, I’ll be cheering you on!” Mino hummed.

Jinwoo felt heat rise to his face at the clear teasing because there was absolutely no way Mino didn’t realize he was the guy from the story. If nothing else gave it away, he was the only one who rode a motorcycle of the three who worked at the shop and Mino had to know that.

“Right. I wouldn’t want to come on too strong though, so I might wait a little while,” Jinwoo said, deciding to play along.

“Sounds like a plan. I hear he’s pretty busy over the week too, but he does absolutely nothing on weekends.”

“Good to know,” Jinwoo said and at that point he too was smiling because he couldn’t believe Mino’s silliness. “Well, uh, see you,” he muttered and started towards the exit.

He heard Mino call out a “bye.”

At the door, however, he stopped, turning back towards the counter.

“Question,” Jinwoo said to get the other’s attention.

Mino looked up from whatever he was doing, eyebrows raised.

“Do you think it would be okay to call him for something other than tattoo matters?” Jinwoo inquired timidly.

Mino grinned. “I think he’d love that.”


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You got all dressed up for me?” He inquired in a teasing tone with that smirk of his.
> 
> Jinwoo blushed a little, fixed the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I didn’t—I always dress up—”
> 
> “I’m messing with you,” Mino interrupted. Then he added, in a much softer tone, “You look beautiful."

Jinwoo realized a bit too late that the way he’d been working so far would become quite distracting ever since his encounter a week ago.

Though his laptop was right there with the file opened, the manuscript that he was translating next to it and the dictionary along with it all, he was able to ignore all of that, rather living through his dilemma of whether to message Mino and if so, what to send him.

He kept glancing at the shop across the street, he couldn’t see Mino from where he was sat in the coffee shop, but he knew the younger was there and that was enough for him to panic at the mere thought of sending a message.

Every now and again Jinwoo would open their empty chat, contemplating, and then close it again. He was so immersed in the problem that he didn’t notice someone walking up to his table.

“Hi!”

The greeting startled Jinwoo out of his daze and he glanced up at the person before him, looking like a deer in headlights.

“Oh, um, hi,” he stuttered, brows furrowing at the boy who was fiddling with the lace of his apron. The green fabric had the logo of the coffee shop on it.

Jinwoo didn’t mean to be rude, he was just surprised to see anyone talking to him. He didn’t understand why anyone would want that.

“Can I sit down?” The boy asked.

If only because of how nervous he seemed, Jinwoo nodded.

“I’m Seungyoon,” he introduced himself once he was sat opposite of Jinwoo. “I’ve seen you around, you come here a lot.”

“I’m Jinwoo, nice to meet you.” He ran a hand through his hair, once again throwing a glance across the street. “Yeah, I like to work here.”

Seungyoon rested his cheek in his palm and tilted his head quizzically. “What do you mean? What do you do?”

“I’m a translator and a writer, so... I like the atmosphere here. I’ve actually been coming here to study since I was a student,” he added, finally laying his eyes on Seungyoon. “I uh, I haven’t seen you though.”

He gave a goofy grin. “You would have if I’d been here. I only came to Seoul a year ago for college and got this job, what, two months ago?”

“Oh, I see,” Jinwoo said, but he felt the conversation would die out with that. He dreaded the awkward silence that would come after.

Seungyoon didn’t let it happen. He kept chatting, “I’m sorry I approached you so suddenly, it’s just that... I don’t have any friends,” he said the last sentence through laughter, perhaps trying to make it lighter, but Jinwoo caught the way he ducked his head as he said that.

He cleared his throat and continued, “I’m on a break right now and you’re the only one I saw coming back here continuously, so...” He shrugged.

Usually, Jinwoo wasn’t the one for spontaneous friendships—Well, he had been, but that changed somewhere through college. Whatever the case, he surprisingly found Seungyoon’s presence and nervous chatter charming.

“Making friends is hard. And to _just go out more_ is a lot easier said than done,” Jinwoo said softly. “Don’t stress too much about it and remember that it’s not wrong to sometimes go places alone.”

Seungyoon watched him and then his gaze softened, his smile widening. “Thank you. Thank you, really. I needed that.” He paused, ducking his head to think through Jinwoo’s words.

Then he straightened up, leaning in a bit over the table. “So. What about you? How’s life going? You seem... Distressed.”

Jinwoo’s smile was faint and bitter. “I kinda am. I’m supposed to be working, but I’m... Distracted.”

“Anything you can tell me about?”

Jinwoo looked to the side, his leg beginning to bounce. There was no harm in telling Seungyoon about the phone number, he just had to be careful not to say who the person was or mention his gender.

Besides, maybe Seungyoon had some advice.

“Well,” Jinwoo started, shifting in his seat. He kept his head down, fidgeting with the pages of his dictionary. “I recently got someone’s number and... I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s at least simple,” Seungyoon chirped. “Just send them a message! A simple hi will do.”

Jinwoo looked up from the lined up words, chewing on his bottom lip. “It’s not that simple. They’re a tattoo artist and, um, I got a tattoo to get that number. I’m supposed to—”

“Wait, you didn’t get tattooed _just_ to get the number, right?” Seungyoon asked, blinking.

Jinwoo pursed his lips and gave a small nod.

Seungyoon burst out laughing, covering his mouth as he doubled over. “Oh, wow! Must be someone special then!”

“We’ll see,” Jinwoo muttered. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m supposed to text them if something goes wrong or I need some help. I _did_ imply that I’d like to... Well, talk and... But I’m still not sure...”

Seungyoon had by then calmed down and he was listening, nodding along. He placed his palms flat on the table, looking at the sugar container that was in the middle. “If you made it clear that you’re _interested,_ the same strategy applies. Except that you can use the situation to your advantage,” he added, now looking up.

Jinwoo narrowed his eyes, cautious. “What do you mean..?”

“Here’s what you do – you say something along the lines of: _hi, everything’s alright with the tattoo, but I was wondering how you’re doing_. It’s simple, friendly and steps over the professional boundary.”

Jinwoo blinked and nodded, then nodded again. “That’s good. That’s really good,” he mumbled. He grabbed his phone, now determined and inspired by Seungyoon.

When he opened the chat that time, he didn’t chicken out and close it. He sent,

**[xxjjjwww] Hi**

**[xxjjjwww] Everything’s fine with the tattoo, don’t worry**

**[xxjjjwww] But how are you?**

And _then_ he panicked and closed the chat. When he looked up from his phone, with a proud little smile on his face, he saw Seungyoon smiling right back at him.

“There you go! I gotta go back to work now, though but let me know how that went, okay?”

Jinwoo nodded. “Thank you. Really.”

From that moment on, Jinwoo was finally able to get his mind off of Mino and get his gaze off of the shop across the street. He was able to lose himself in his work, in redesigning sentences and searching for words.

Before he truly got back to work though, he threw a glance at the counter where Seungyoon was chatting up a customer while making their coffee.

He’d never thought he’d even think anything like that, but he was really glad he got approached that day.

* * *

The reply came in the evening when Jinwoo was long done with work, curled up on the couch with a book on his knees and a cup of tea in his hands.

He wasn’t used to his phone ringing – it could be off silent an entire day and still not let out a single sound because he hardly talked to anyone and most of the communication needed for work went down in emails.

So the little _ping_ of his phone startled him quite a bit. But once he realized what was going on, both objects he’d been holding got set aside and he grabbed his phone, holding his breath as he read the reply.

**[realllllmino] oh hi! glad to hear ^^**

**[realllllmino] i'm exhausted but fine otherwise**

As Jinwoo stared at these two messages he wished he had Seungyoon by his side, because he had no idea how to respond. He still wanted to ask Mino out, but he didn’t know _how._

Thankfully, Mino proved to be the smarter of the two – or more impatient.

**[realllllmino] what about you? what've you been up to?**

**[realllllmino] though i saw you at the cafe today**

**[realllllmino] uuh not in a creepy way**

Jinwoo watched as the messages kept coming and he felt his tension clear away, with relief taking its place. So, Mino was chatty. At least he seemed to want the conversation to keep going.

**[xxjjjwww] Hhhhh that’s okay! Yeah, I was working**

**[realllllmino] yeah yeah**

**[realllllmino] how’s that going?**

**[xxjjjwww] It’s going well, just... Well, my job allows me to slack off a lot and it’s frustrating**

**[realllllmino] maybe you just need the right motivation**

**[xxjjjwww] I guess so**

Jinwoo bit his lip, feeling like the conversation was going in the direction off a cliff, where it would fall into oblivion. But once again Mino was the one who came to the rescue.

**[realllllmino] here’s an idea: how about you give yourself a goal to reach until this weekend and if you do it, i’ll go out with you**

Jinwoo stared at the screen. He put his phone aside, stood up and walked a lap around the couch. Then he dropped back onto it, grabbed his phone and read the message again.

It was still there and it was true.

Mino had just asked Jinwoo out, for him.

It had never been this... This easy. Jinwoo had always had to chase the guy.

He needed a moment to collect himself.

**[xxjjjwww] I was wondering if you would. After all you still haven’t shown me your tattoos**

**[realllllmino] oh right, i said i’d do that**

**[realllllmino] then you should show me yours kkk**

**[xxjjjwww] You’re my tattoo artist, of course I’ll show you**

**[realllllmino] i can’t wait**

**[realllllmino] hit me up on friday then**

Only then did Jinwoo allow himself a moment of celebration.

He was exhilarated. He hadn’t felt that excited for a date since his last relationship—

But no. He didn’t want to think about his ex or exes at the moment. He wanted to think about Mino and their upcoming date and, of course, he wanted to focus on setting a goal to reach by Saturday.

It was miraculous, really. For the first time in a while he was truly motivated.

* * *

As he made Jinwoo’s coffee, Seungyoon kept glancing at him, evaluating, with a knowing little smile on his lips.

“You’re in a good mood today,” he noted.

Jinwoo bounced on his heels and shrugged, though his own happy smile was giving him away.

“I do have you to thank for that,” he said.

Seungyoon raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“You helped me send that text. And long story short I have date this weekend.”

Seungyoon’s smile softened. “I’m so happy for you... Guess it’s a good day for the both of us,” he said and handed Jinwoo his coffee.

Foam cup in hand, he stepped aside to let the person behind him place their order before he asked,

“What happened?”

Understandably so, Seungyoon was all smiles, keeping his head down while he worked. “Nothing happened yet, we’re just... We’re just talking. But I want to ask them out soon.”

Jinwoo had missed this feeling; the second hand happiness one feels when looking at someone else who is happy. He hadn’t had anyone in his life to feel that for for so long. It was quite a healing emotion.

“I’m glad... I know out of the two of us apparently you’re the one who doesn’t need advice, but still, if you need anything I’m here.”

“I think I’m better at helping others than myself,” Seungyoon admitted. “But aren’t we all?”

Jinwoo nodded, a sympathetic little smile on his lips. “In that case, I’m here for you.”

* * *

That day started oddly good. Everything was far too perfect to be true.

It was sunny outside, the early morning rays illuminated Jinwoo’s room in such a way that made it look like a well edited photograph. Waking up in that scene felt surreal.

Even his breakfast that morning looked instagram-worthy, the coffee and pastries on the floral table cloth with Jinwoo’s favourite book on the side.

He hadn’t noticed it until then, but his desk too looked like something straight out of a room décor catalogue, and it made it very pleasant to work there.

What was he working on? Just something on the side, seeing as he’d already reached his set goal the day before.

And yes, it meant that he would be going out with Mino that day.

He’d messaged the younger the evening before telling him that his part of the deal was fulfilled and Mino had happily proposed a time and offered to pick him up.

That moment was fast approaching but surprisingly Jinwoo wasn’t nervous. After so long with no dating whatsoever, one would think that he’d be anxious or excited. And, well, he was, but he was kind of numb to both of those sensations.

It was good in a way. Jinwoo didn’t like freaking out about things, it was too exhausting. He wished he could feel a bit more of the positive emotions though, but still. If that was the price he had to pay to get rid of anxiety, he’d take it.

Things were still perfect while he was getting ready. He’d put on a random playlist, and yet every song was his favourite, one after another. His makeup and outfit were on point and the most surprising thing was that when Jinwoo stood in front of the mirror, he liked what he saw.

He stood there and when his phone buzzed, receiving the message that Mino was out front, he felt the little sting of nervous excitement, just enough to make him smile.

He went out.

 

“ _Wow_.”

It was the first thing Mino said upon seeing Jinwoo.

He was leaning against the side of his bike in a way that made it look unstable, but Mino was relaxed as ever. After all, he knew what he was doing.

“You got all dressed up for me?” He inquired in a teasing tone with that smirk of his.

Jinwoo blushed a little, fixed the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I didn’t—I always dress up—”

“I’m messing with you,” Mino interrupted. Then he added, in a much softer tone, “You look beautiful.”

Jinwoo dropped his gaze and shifted from foot to foot, unsure what to say.

“Oh, I have something for you,” Mino then said and started to search the pockets of his leather jacket, of which there were many. “There it is!” He exclaimed as he took out a piece of folded paper. He handed it to Jinwoo.

Curious, the elder opened it to see it was a page torn out of a sketchbook. There was hardly any room that wasn’t covered in doodles. Jinwoo tried to take it all in, to take note of every detail, but he realized quickly that there was too much going on on that single page. He would have to sit down and dedicate some time to looking it all over. What caught his attention immediately, though, was the cat sitting atop rooftops, looking at the stars.

“I thought, flowers are overrated,” Mino said. He couldn’t help but smile proudly at Jinwoo’s astonished reaction.

“And anyway, there’s flowers in there,” he added and pointed to the corner of the page where, indeed, there were lilies drawn in ink.

Jinwoo’s lips curled into a smile as he laid his eyes on the word in the middle, _winner_ , written in Chinese, just like his tattoo.

“Thank you,” he said, carefully folding the paper how it had been, and putting it in his pocket.

“So, where do you wanna go?” Mino asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, um…” As if Jinwoo hadn’t overthought it all already and didn’t have a prepared answer. “There’s this diner… It has really nice pancakes. I, uh, I really like sweets.”

Mino pouted and nodded once. “I can see that. After all, you’re a total sweetie.”

Jinwoo didn’t understand it, he really couldn’t. How could Mino flirt so shamelessly and be so casual about it? Then again it wasn’t unexpected. Jinwoo figured he probably flirted with everyone and… It was working. Jinwoo liked the attention. He was getting caught way too easily, but that was to be expected too. He was only slightly disappointed with himself.

“Anyways, tell me where it is and we can get those pancakes,” he continued as if he’d said nothing odd. But he _must_ have been aware of Jinwoo’s blush. Mino mounted his bike, expecting Jinwoo to follow – which he did, although with a tiny bit of hesitation.

“Sure,” the elder muttered, trying not to think about how he’d be clinging to Mino throughout the ride – because falling off the back of a motorcycle _wasn’t_ something he’d do on a first date.

Mino watched him, took note of Jinwoo’s evident nervousness and his smile grew all the more amused. “First time?”

Jinwoo nodded shyly.

The younger grinned. “Don’t worry, just hold on tight.”

 

Jinwoo’s heart had been racing the entire time – mix together the speed and the fact that he was completely pressed up against Mino and you got one boy who could hardly breathe. Upon reaching their destination and getting to stand on his own feet again, Jinwoo concluded that he might be able to get used to racing against the wind, but clinging to Mino like that would likely always make him breathless.

Mino stood in front of the door, looking up at the neon sign. He nodded approvingly. “It looks nice,” he said and very casually hooked his arm to Jinwoo’s. “Shall we?”

This wasn’t helping Jinwoo’s heart situation.

Call him sappy, but the entire scene looked like something straight out of Grease, only more modern. And Mino, with his leather jacket, ripped jeans and many buttons as decoration, fit right into the picture.

Sitting opposite of him in one of the booths, Jinwoo watched him talk. He wasn’t exactly listening to what Mino was going on about – it was all just banter anyway – but still, that was on him.

Jinwoo only snapped out of it when Mino stopped talking.

“I kind of feel like I don’t have your attention,” Mino said softly, not to make it sound sarcastic.

Jinwoo straightened up, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, I… I was distracted.”

“How so?” Mino insisted.

Jinwoo took one of the napkins with the diner’s logo on it and started picking at it, keeping his eyes fixed on that task instead of Mino. “I was thinking about how well you fit in here. Like a… picture from a moodboard or a photo card or… I don’t know. You’re… you’re just really—handsome—”

Mino watched Jinwoo stumble over his words with a small smile on his lips. “I do have that biker aesthetic, don’t I,” he said in an amused tone.

Jinwoo gave a small nod, shrinking a bit into himself.

Mino leaned in, whispering, “You know what we should do?”

He waited for Jinwoo to look up, for their eyes to meet before he continued,

“We should come here in some ridiculous time of the day, like 5 am, when the place is completely empty and have a photoshoot, just the two of us.”

As if that suggestion wasn’t amazing already, he went on,

“Although we’d need someone to take a picture of us together, there—” he pointed to one of the walls. The entire place was decorated with different kinds of text on the walls and Mino was pointing to the one that read “no dancing in the aisles”, “I want to have a picture of us dancing there.”

“That sounds incredible,” Jinwoo whispered.

Mino too took a napkin and started twisting it this way and that. Jinwoo watched his hands move, watched as the napkin transformed into a rose right in front of him. It was a bit lumpy because of the inadequate paper, but it was holding up.

When it was done, Mino offered it to Jinwoo.

“I thought you said that flowers were overrated,” the elder remarked.

Mino pouted. “If you don’t want it…”

“No, I do!”

The younger smiled and tucked the paper flower behind Jinwoo’s ear.

It was surreal. All so surreal.

 

Over the course of their dinner Jinwoo found it easier and easier to relax and just talk to Mino. Even though it seemed impossible, he even got used to his handsomeness, his glimmering little smile, his dimple, the way he leaned in when he talked, his subtle touchiness.

Or maybe it was the table between them that was making it easy to get used to all those things. But either way, Jinwoo was feeling good. He was enjoying the conversation, the presence; it had been a while since he’d had a good conversation.

He liked it. He’d missed it. It was nice to talk to Mino.

But as the end of their evening approached, Jinwoo kept thinking about that one thing that he wanted to do, but was unsure how to bring up. It was when they’d paid and were preparing to leave that Jinwoo finally decided to speak up.

“You, uh… you still haven’t shown me your tattoos,” he said, trying to keep his tone as casual as possible.

Mino stopped wiggling out of the booth and he grinned. “Oh, yeah! Probably shouldn’t do it here though.”

Jinwoo nodded in agreement, although he hadn’t really thought about _where_ they could do that.

Once standing, Mino took Jinwoo’s hand and started leading him towards the bathroom.

_Oh._

Jinwoo’s heart was speeding up again.

Mino pulled him inside and into one of the stalls. He seemed awfully unbothered by the few people who were there, giving them judgmental looks.

Inside, Mino shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Jinwoo with a “hold this.” Then he took off his shirt too.

He opened his arms, letting Jinwoo have a look. And maybe, just maybe his smile was no longer amused or teasing, but shy.

Jinwoo got the strangest urge to touch him, to run his fingers over the letters on Mino's shoulders and neck, under his collarbone, on his chest.

But of course, he wasn’t confident enough for such a thing, and besides, he had self control.

He only stepped closer to be able to properly read all of the text on Mino’s body and have a look at his arms too.

But up close like that Jinwoo could see that Mino was getting uncomfortable the longer he was exposed so Jinwoo stepped back and said a small “thank you” as indication that he was done looking.

Mino pulled his shirt and jacket back on. “Now you,” he hummed, crossing his arms.

Jinwoo rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s only fair…” he pretended that it was a huge bother, even though he knew he wouldn’t be exposing himself nearly as much as Mino had.

He pulled up his shirt for Mino to see the nearly healed tattoo that was just above the rim of his jeans.

Mino didn’t hesitate at all, easily taking Jinwoo’s hips and lightly brushing his thumb over the characters. His touch was so sudden that Jinwoo nearly flinched away. The younger must have caught his little wince because he made sure not to linger and let go quickly.

“Sometimes I’m just so proud of my work,” Mino said, smiling brightly.

Jinwoo tugged his shirt back down and did one button of his coat. “Yeah, it turned out nice..”

“I hope you’re not regretting it,” Mino added as he opened the door and walked out with Jinwoo.

He shook his head quickly. “No, not at all. I like it, I—really, I do.”

Mino smiled and once again hooked their arms together like he had on their way inside. “I hope it was worth it. Getting the number and going out with the guy, I mean. I hope he didn’t disappoint.”

Jinwoo shuffled closer to him – which was something he was hardly ever comfortable enough to do – and said, “It was nice. He was very sweet and kind. I loved talking to him. I just feel like he’s out of my league, you know.”

Mino clicked his tongue. “Who even uses that argument anymore? No one is ever out of your league, let me tell you. And I’m sure things aren’t what they seem. I’m sure he just… knows how to act confident.”

Jinwoo went quiet, thinking about it for a second. They had stopped in front of the door, standing opposite of each other. It was dark outside with the light from the diner illuminating them.

Jinwoo looked up at Mino and offered a reassuring smile. “Thank you for tonight,” he said sincerely. “I haven’t… it’s been a while.”

“Hey, no problem, it was my pleasure. This was… different,” Mino said but didn’t elaborate even when Jinwoo gave him a confused look.

Instead he just said, “I’d like to take you out again sometime.”

Jinwoo smiled. “I’d love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this seemed rushed, that's becuase it was. I'm really sorry about that, I just really wanted to update because the wait has been long enough already. I have my reasons of course, but there's no use listing them. I just hope you liked it nonetheless.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What did I get myself into?_
> 
> The moment was approaching and Jinwoo got more anxious by the second. Just an hour ago he loved his outfit, it made him feel confident too, but now he just wanted to bury himself in a hoodie and sweatpants and quite frankly, he also wanted to stay home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I managed to update
> 
> Sorry for the wait, my life's a mess rn

Jinwoo had expected his life to be normal and calm for at least a month before he would find the courage to ask Mino out again, or even talk to him.

He really wasn’t used to this – not having to chase after someone and them actually paying attention to him and communicating efficiently.

It seemed absolutely unreal and made up.

The message came while he was out with Seungyoon. It was the first time they got to hang out outside of the café, when the younger wasn’t working.

“I’m so sorry,” Jinwoo muttered when his phone kept going off. “This doesn’t usually happen, people don’t really talk to me…” He trailed off as he took out his phone to check who it was that was texting him so persistently.

Seeing that it was Mino, Jinwoo smiled like a schoolgirl in love.

This reaction didn’t go unnoticed. Seungyoon nudged him a little, smiling cheekily. “It’s that person, isn’t it?”

Jinwoo pulled his scarf up over his nose and gave a small nod.

“I knew it! Go ahead, answer them. I know it’s important, I don’t mind,” Seungyoon said softly, hooking his arm to Jinwoo’s to stir him the right way as they walked and he texted.

“Thank you. Really, you’re the best,” Jinwoo praised, giving Seungyoon a grateful smile before he took a look at his phone again.

**[realllllmino] hey gorgeous**

**[realllllmino] some friends and i are going to this party next friday**

**[realllllmino] if you came along we could go to that diner again after the party ends**

**[realllllmino] if youre still up for that thing we talked about that is**

But of course Jinwoo remembered Mino’s adorable suggestion of visiting the diner at 5 am and taking pictures as if they were in an old musical.

Back then Jinwoo hadn’t taken it seriously. But considering Mino’s behaviour so far, Jinwoo should have seen it coming. _Of course_ Mino would do something like this.

**[xxjjjwww] That sounds amazing, except that I’ve never been the type for parties..**

**[xxjjjwww] I just don’t want to intrude or end up being a buzz kill**

**[realllllmino] nonsense! you wouldnt be intruding**

**[realllllmino] but if you really dont want to go well figure something else out**

**[realllllmino] maybe i can just pick you up after it ends**

**[xxjjjwww] That could work. I often stay up until sunrise anyway**

**[realllllmino] its a deal then!**

 

Mino surprised him the next day when he showed up at the cafe. With his signature smile, he crossed the place and went straight to Jinwoo’s table.

Hands in his pockets he somehow managed to pull the chair out with his foot and he sat down, leaning back as if the chair was a throne.

Jinwoo observed the way he held himself; he found everything about Mino fascinating. So much so that he was thinking about using him as a model for a future character.

“I’ve been working across the street for how long? And I still haven’t visited this place. Can you believe that?” Mino said instead of a greeting.

“It’s crazy really,” Jinwoo hummed, pushing his laptop aside and gathering the dictionaries and the manuscript to make room.

Mino grabbed a menu, set it on the table and leaned in close. “Why don’t you tell me what’s there to eat?”

Leaning in as well, Jinwoo tapped his bottom lip in thought. “Sweet or?”

“Sweet,” Mino immediately said.

“Well, I love the pancakes. They’ve got these large portions with ice cream and nutella if you like—but the donuts are also amazing. They’ve got cakes... I liked the cheesecake, but the chocolate one, not the fruit one...” As Jinwoo rambled on and on about this one thing he was passionate about, he soon realized that Mino wasn’t really listening.

He lifted his gaze to try and figure out what got the younger so distracted and he saw that Mino had undoubtedly been looking at Jinwoo’s lips. While he’d been talking, he’d been playing with them without even realizing.

Instantaneously Jinwoo shoved his hands between his thighs and averted his gaze, leaving Mino nothing to look at.

“So... pancakes,” Mino said and it was that pure amusement in his voice that made Jinwoo blush.

“Pancakes,” he muttered.

 

Now, Jinwoo wasn’t the jealous type, he really wasn’t. He was also not the type to blame everything on technology and he didn’t believe that people don’t know how to communicate anymore.

That being said, Mino was spending a significant amount of time texting while they ate their pancakes, leaving Jinwoo longing for the conversation they’d started before to continue.

Mino finally put his phone down to look at Jinwoo apologetically. “I’m sorry, we’re discussing some details about the party. I’m just—it’s been a while since all of us got together like that..”

Jinwoo could see the glimmer of excitement in Mino’s eyes and how he tried to suppress it. And then Jinwoo felt like an ass for having sulked. “Oh—no, it’s okay, you should—uh, yeah I hope you have fun.”

“I shouldn’t have left you hanging though,” Mino said, leaving his phone, although it kept lighting up with notifications.

“It’s fine,” Jinwoo muttered. He wanted Mino to have fun, he seemed so into the entire thing, but maybe... Maybe Jinwoo was feeling a bit left out. He leaned over, cleared his throat. “Is it... Is it too late to join you guys?”

Mino glanced up and blinked in surprise. “You want to come along?”

Jinwoo nodded hesitantly.

A grin found its way on Mino’s lips and he nodded happily. “Of course! I’m so glad you changed your mind,” he hummed. He scooted closer to Jinwoo to show him the groupchat currently overflowing with messages. “Let me fill you in on the details,” he said and started enthusiastically explaining him when and where the party would take place, how him and his friends planned to get there and get back.

“None of us will be driving because we’ll be drinking,” he explained. “We’ll meet up somewhere – probably our shop, it’s approximately the same distance from everyone – and we might take the subway there, but when it’s over you and I are going to the diner.”

Mino then proceeded to tell him about who would be going and Jinwoo was starting to regret joining in on such an event with a bunch of people he didn’t know – aside from Jiho and Dongwook, whom he’d exchanged about a sentence with, each.

But the Fear of Missing Out prevailed and Jinwoo didn’t bow out again. If anything, at least he got to watch Mino happily explaining everything and talking about how amazing the party would be.

* * *

_What did I get myself into?_

The moment was approaching and Jinwoo got more anxious by the second. Just an hour ago he loved his outfit, it made him feel confident too, but now he just wanted to bury himself in a hoodie and sweatpants and quite frankly, he also wanted to stay home.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t chicken out now. And for as much as he wanted to avoid the other people and the party, Jinwoo did want to spend time with Mino.

So he fixed his outfit yet again – his glittery black skinny jeans and crop top, with boots and a black choker – and set out. He put on a coat that covered up his entire outfit for comfort reasons, he still wasn’t feeling that great; and because it was cold out.

 

Mino was waiting for him outside. He smiled when he spotted Jinwoo and immediately approached to hug him.

“Hey babe,” he greeted and Jinwoo nearly melted at the nickname. He tried not to react though, he knew that Mino would be amused and Jinwoo didn’t want to give him that.

“Hi handsome,” he replied instead, exercising confidence.

Mino smiled brightly at this and slipped an arm around Jinwoo’s waist as they walked.

“How are you? You seem tired,” he said and Jinwoo just knew that he was referring to his overall lack of excitement for the whole event.

Jinwoo didn’t want to crush Mino’s giddiness by being down. He gave the best smile he could muster. “Nah, I’m good. A little nervous about meeting your pals, but I’m good,” he promised.

“That’s it?” The younger asked, a tiny bit sceptical and perhaps still worried.

Jinwoo gave a confident little nod and so Mino decided to leave it.

“You don’t have to worry about it. I mean, I get it, new people and stuff, but they’re all chill.”

“I guess... I just haven’t done the socializing thing in a while,” Jinwoo admitted.

Mino stopped at the beginning of the street where they’d be meeting with the others. Gently, he brushed Jinwoo’s fringe to the side, looking over his light make up and laying his gaze on the elder’s lips as he often did those days.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll stay by your side,” he promised, now locking eyes with Jinwoo.

He nodded, letting himself linger in Mino’s proximity before he slowly took Jinwoo’s hand and they made their way over to Mino’s, now closed, tattoo shop.

There were quite a few people there. Jinwoo clung to Mino’s side, hiding behind him.

“Hey everyone!” Mino announced loudly.

In the next second Jinwoo was being torn from Mino and stumbling to the side. He gaped at the scene, at the person tackle-hugging Mino.

Mino was whining exaggeratedly until the person got off of him. Then he gave one last groan before taking the hyper boy by the shoulder and turning him towards Jinwoo.

“Jinwoo, this is my best friend Pyo Jihoon. He is _insane_.”

Jinwoo gave a small wave to the smiling Pyo, who was not letting go of Mino. And Jinwoo was getting pouty. He wanted his spot back.

He seemed to be lucky. Mino drew him close again, now turning towards everyone else.

“Oof, let’s do this. Everyone, this is Jinwoo. Jinwoo, this is—” He let go of Pyo in order to point out each person as he introduced them, “—Dean, Hyoseob, Seunghyun and you already know Dongwook and Jiho.”

Most waved when they were introduced. He gave a wave of his own, remaining glued to Mino.

Jiho stood up from where he had been sitting on the shop’s entrance step and stretched. “Time to go, losers. We’ve waited enough,” he said and, much to Jinwoo’s shock, slipped his hand into Dongwook’s back pocket. They strolled down the street that way.

Hypocritical of someone who was clinging to another dude, but Jinwoo simply wasn’t used to that kind of bluntness. What was more, Hyoseob, Dean and Seunghyun all walked hand in hand and Jinwoo was having a hard time understanding what the heck was going on.

“So what do you do for a living?” Pyo asked, leaning over from Mino’s other side.

“I’m a writer and translator,” Jinwoo said his well rehearsed answer to the cliché question.

“Oh, cool! Finally we’ve got an intellectual in this god forsaken group.”

Jinwoo smiled faintly, raising his eyebrows. “Intellectual?”

“Most of us majored in art,” Pyo explained. “The two of us,” he nudged Mino, “graduated from the same school and look at us now – one’s a struggling artist and the other’s a struggling photographer.”

Mino wiggled away a bit and poked Pyo’s side. “Speak for yourself, you ass! I love my job!”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not struggling! And definitely doesn’t make you an intellectual!” Pyo replied and this earned him a smack to the shoulder. He returned the smack and the two started a back and forth, with Jinwoo often ducking out of the way.

Giggling at their silliness, Jinwoo heard Seunghyun’s sigh and they locked eyes.

“They’re always like that,” Seunghyun confirmed.

Mino did his best to escape Pyo in order to wrap both arms around Jinwoo. “Nooo! Don’t make me look bad in front of Jinwoo!”

“What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t?” Hyoseob called over.

Jinwoo was at that point giggling. “Ah, don’t worry, Mino-yah. Let’s let them think they have the power to change my mind about you.”

This drew a series of _“ooooh”_ s from everyone.

Mino was taken aback by such an earnest response. He smiled while the others lost their minds.

 

After a while it was apparent that Jinwoo had worried too much about whether he’d be able to socialize with Mino’s friends or not. True, he was sort of an outsider in a group of friends who all knew each other, but they were also in a club with loud music that didn’t allow any quality socializing.

There was a lot of dancing and drinking though. Jinwoo wasn’t used to the buzz, it had been just as long since he’d gone to a party as it had been since he’d been on a date, maybe longer.

And maybe he’d forgotten how easy it was for him to get tipsy. Nothing too extreme, he just got... a bit too bold.

Seeing as Mino was the person Jinwoo had been clinging to the entire night, he was the target of Jinwoo’s dancing.

Dancing that was in no way bad, no. It was just not something one would expect from the sweet linguistics major everyone had seen Jinwoo as.

It was, to say the least, shocking.

To Mino first, and then everyone else.

Through the half darkness, under the flickering, multicoloured lights, he saw Jinwoo's hazy movements, the slow curling of his body.

Mino stopped and stared. Soon enough all eyes were on Jinwoo and Mino couldn’t help the selfish urge to tell them all to look away, to shield Jinwoo from their prying eyes.

He didn’t do any of that though. He just watched.

“I thought you said he was the most precious person you’ve ever met?” Dean yelled over the music, not taking his eyes off of Jinwoo.

Mino licked his lips as he watched Jinwoo messing with his hair and slowly dragging his hands down his chest and stomach, then hooking his thumbs to his pockets.

“I was wrong,” he said.

It was when their eyes met that Jinwoo thought to take the one step that separated the two of them. The next second Jinwoo had his arms around Mino’s neck and was doing his same slow dance, only now his hips were brushing Mino’s with every move he made.

Oh well. At least that way Mino was less jealous.

 

It was Dean and Hyoseob who first made their leave to the corner of the club where they would make out. It was easier that way than in the crowd – where they were now, Dean could nicely press Hyoseob up against the wall and kiss him as intensely – or gently – as he pleased.

Jinwoo hadn’t drunk any more. For as long as they’d stayed at the party, by the time Mino suggested leaving Jinwoo had sobered up from his brief tipsy episode.

And he’d stopped grinding on Mino.

And he was embarrassed.

Hyoseob and Dean had returned from their make-out session, hair tousled and lips swollen; but skilfully acting as if nothing had happened.

When they returned Seunghyun ruffled Hyoseob’s hair and leaned on him completely.

Dongwook and Jiho hadn’t excused themselves the way Hyoseob and Dean had. Jinwoo thought that they were just polite and restrained, but later he would learn that they’d already had a plan to go back to Jiho’s place and frick later.

Whatever the case, it was difficult parting with Pyo when Mino announced that the two would be leaving to grab a snack. At first Pyo kept hugging Mino and refusing to let go. Then the teasing began and in the end Jiho tugged him back to allow Mino and Jinwoo to step out.

“Have fun you two!” were Pyo’s final words before the pair started pushing their way through the crowd.

They took a taxi.

Mino had noticed Jinwoo’s change in demeanour after the effects of alcohol wore off and he let the elder sit as far away from him as he wished. Which didn’t end up being much. Jinwoo sat close enough for Mino to take his hand if he just so wished. And perhaps Jinwoo let him.

“I’m sorry about—”

“Don’t,” Mino immediately interrupted him. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

Jinwoo didn’t make another attempt to apologize.

 

It had been four am when they’d left the party.

It was five am when they walked into the diner.

The employees were behind the counter because there were no other customers.

Mino took Jinwoo to the farthest booth by the window. They sat opposite of each other, both leaning in to pick something to eat. They ended up ordering waffles, and after the tired waiter left, they were left alone.

They didn’t talk. The illuminated space was filled with distant music coming from the speakers all around.

Mino slowly reached over across the table until his hand met Jinwoo’s. Jinwoo didn’t wince away. He let Mino gently open his hands and trace his palms. He wasn’t looking up at Jinwoo, immersed in his current action.

“Was tonight okay?” Mino broke the silence. His tone melted together with their silent surroundings, soft shapes and white lights.

Jinwoo nodded. “Didn’t mean to get drunk,” he said, because he still felt the need to apologize. “But it was fine. I like your friends.” He paused. “They confuse me, but I like them.”

Mino tilted his head, looking up. “Confuse? How so?”

Jinwoo shifted, pressing his lips together. “I’m not... Entirely sure who’s in a relationship and who’s just... friends.”

“Oh,” Mino said, sitting up with a small smile on his face. “Well, Dongwook and Jiho are together, so are Hyoseob and Dean. Hyoseob and Seunghyun are qpps.”

Jinwoo blinked in confusion. “They’re what.”

“Queer platonic partners,” Mino explained.

This helped some, but Jinwoo still felt like he’d have to look it up later. His gaze dropped and he pursed his lips. “Is that what Pyo is to you?”

Mino nodded, though he squeezed Jinwoo’s hand ever so slightly.

He shuffled further forward, trying to catch Jinwoo’s gaze. “I mean—Listen, he’s my best friend since childhood. I love him. But there are different kinds of love in the world, you know.” He sounded confident enough in his words, but his voice was shaking with the slight fear that Jinwoo wouldn’t understand.

And he may not have understood fully, but he didn’t mind.

In all honesty, Jinwoo was used to being the second choice. Or third. Or fourth. He was used to being the person someone is with only because it’s so easy and secure. Because they know he won’t leave, because he has no one else. He’s the one who puts effort into relationships, never getting much in return, but it’s alright because he doesn’t ask for anything.

So, he doesn’t mind.

He expects nothing.

Out of everyone he’d been with, at least Mino was upfront about having other people in his life.

And, well, the two of them weren’t together. Why would Jinwoo expect Mino to choose him, who he’d known for months, over someone he’d known nearly his entire life?

The waffles arrived. Jinwoo’s first instinct when the waiter approached was to pull back, but his left hand got caught in Mino’s grip. Jinwoo’s heart was racing, he was burning with embarrassment, expecting to be scoffed at. In contrast, Mino smiled at the waiter and gave a small “thank you”.

Jinwoo kept his gaze down and just admired how open Mino was. Thinking back to the party, to his friends, Jinwoo admired them all for being so honest and not ashamed. He wished he could be more like them, but the fear of disapproval was so rooted into him that it was paralyzing at times like these. At times when he was caught holding hands with a boy.

Yet nothing happened. The waiter went away without a single word or a glance.

Perhaps it was too early in the morning for homophobia.

Whatever the case, the next thing he knew a fork was in Mino’s hand, and a piece of nutella-covered waffle was on it. Being offered to Jinwoo.

It kind of hit him head on that Mino was offering to feed him that bite. Jinwoo took it and as he chewed on the sweet fluff, all the stupid romantic teen flicks flashed through his head and he couldn’t believe that someone like this existed.

Someone who takes you on motorcycle rides and parties, someone who does your first tattoo and slow dances with you in the aisles of a diner.

Someone like Mino.

Jinwoo looked at him, at his silly concentration as he tried to cut out the perfect square from the waffle in front of him, his tongue sticking out a little and the goofy grin that adorned his lips when he succeeded. Jinwoo looked at Mino and imagined him breaking his heart.

He stood, hands balled into fists. “Excuse me,” he muttered, wriggled out of the booth and stormed towards the bathroom, leaving Mino alone with the perfect waffle square that he’d cut out for Jinwoo.

He locked himself up in the same stall where Mino had shown him his tattoos those weeks ago. He stood leaning against the wall, hoping for the tiles to help him cool down.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

It would have been so much easier if Mino wasn’t so kind. If he didn’t lull Jinwoo into safety, if he didn’t provide comfort. It would have been so much easier if Mino would just play his role properly, be emotionally distant and not invested, if he would just treat Jinwoo the way everyone else had.

This way, it would be all the more wrecking when Mino finally broke his heart.

And it would happen, Jinwoo was sure of it.

Because he was always the throwaway piece in someone else’s love story.

It might not be Pyo – because Jinwoo did believe in different kinds of love – but it would be someone else. Someone better.

Trying not to get attached was in vain, since Jinwoo had loved guys much worse than Mino.

This, this was a death trap.

 

He was worried when Jinwoo returned. Mino’s waffle was gone from the plate. It seemed that while Jinwoo had been gone, other than the eating, Mino had kept himself occupied with making all kinds of origami from the napkins, which mostly failed as the paper was highly inadequate.

Mino dropped it all when he just so much as heard the door of the far off bathroom opening. He got out of the booth and met Jinwoo halfway to their table. Jinwoo, who just let himself fall forward, right into Mino’s arms.

“Everything okay?” Mino whispered.

_No._

Jinwoo nodded.

Clinging to him like that, shielded by the column from the employees who probably weren’t looking anyway, hiding his face in the crook of Mino’s neck, Jinwoo let the thought sink into his mind,

_I’ll let you hurt me, Song Minho._

Perhaps saying it like that would make it easier later when it happens.

Mino’s arms around his waist, holding him gently, made it all the more devastating.

“Maybe waffles will help?” Mino suggested, hoping to lighten the mood.

Jinwoo nodded, even smiled faintly. “Yeah, waffles.”

This time they sat on the same side of the table. Jinwoo was leaning against Mino as if he were a large pillow. And yes, he was still embarrassed about it, but he let Mino feed him one perfectly cut square of waffle covered in nutella after another.

And soon the waffle was done and Jinwoo was left comfortably resting against Mino, his eyes closed.

While he was dozing off, something crossed his mind and he stirred, looking up at Mino with sleepily

“You wanted to take a picture?”

Mino’s lips stretched into a happy little smile and he nodded.

They ended up taking selfies rather than having a “photoshoot” as they’d planned, simply because they both agreed the employees at the diner had been putting up with them enough already and it would have been too much to ask for pictures to be taken as well.

The selfies were cute nevertheless, but it all went down when Mino decided to peck Jinwoo’s cheek for one of the pictures.

He nearly dropped his phone. His heart sped up, his hands started to tremble—he knew it wasn’t a big deal but it still shook him up.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Mino was saying, stepping away and in front of Jinwoo. “I should have asked... I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Trying to get his act together, Jinwoo straightened up. He smiled, trying to make it a reassuring rather than a flustered one. “It’s okay! It was just unexpected is all,” Jinwoo trailed off, slipping his phone back into his pocket and clearing his throat.

Shoulders tense, Mino looked to the side, then back at Jinwoo. There it was again, his gaze dropping to Jinwoo’s lips for a split second.

Jinwoo’s breath hitched, his heart sped up. He clenched his fists behind his back, he didn’t have the guts to meet Mino’s gaze.

“Well... Can I kiss you?” The younger asked timidly.

Jinwoo was paralyzed. But he’d already admitted to himself that he would let Mino hurt him. What was a kiss compared to that?

He nodded.

There was a small huff of relief from Mino, and immediately he stepped forward; lingered a second before taking Jinwoo by the hips and pressed him against the wall, so gently it was as if being moved by a breeze.

It was so much slower than what Jinwoo was used to. Much more tender and sweeter. Warmth spread through him from where their lips were connected and he was no longer paralyzed. It was as if breathing in for the first time after spending years under the ice; he gasped, thereby cutting the kiss short. No longer guarding himself, Jinwoo let his arms unfold and wrap around Mino.

“Are you oka—”

Jinwoo didn’t want to answer that question, he wouldn’t know what to say either way. So he climbed on his tiptoes and once again connected their lips, hoping to resume what Jinwoo’s little gasp had stopped.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was the briefest pause before Seungyoon got his question out in one breath, “Is Song Minho your person?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I did my best to edit this and make it not suck, but... It still sucks. I'm sorry. It's a pretty important chapter tho? I'm sorry.

The hug was a jump-scare. Seungyoon understood his mistake when Jinwoo jolted and placed his hand on his chest in aftershock.

“Crap, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Yoon was muttering as he sat down opposite of Jinwoo.

The elder shook his head, “It’s fine, it’s fine, just... Came out of nowhere.”

“I’m sorry,” Seungyoon apologized again, fidgeting with the sugar container. “I’m just a bit...” He trailed off in search for the correct word.

Jinwoo’s hand dropped from his chest, instead resting his cheek in his palm. He was smiling; he knew what Seungyoon meant. “You look happy. Something good happened?”

Yoon dropped his gaze with a timid smile and he nodded, his hair bouncing slightly as he did so. “Well I mean—It’s just been happening...” He ducked his head even more. “They kissed me yesterday... Just on the cheek! But, well, they’ve been more affectionate with me recently and I – I know it doesn’t have to mean anything, but...” He sighed and pressed his palms to his cheeks in a flustered manner.

Jinwoo listened, melting as his favourite feeling returned – the warmth and satisfaction, pride even, for someone else’s happiness.

“Whatever it means or doesn’t mean, it’s still beautiful. I’m happy for you Yoon,” Jinwoo said softly and reached over to ruffle his hair.

Seungyoon giggled briefly. He glanced to the side, keeping one hand on his face, perhaps still trying to hide. He sniffled, put his hands down on the table and said, “I kind of want to confess. It’s tearing me apart not knowing whether they feel the same, but... If I did, if they reject me, it’ll create a rift between us. You know, no matter how mature, the whole confession thing always makes things awkward.”

Jinwoo’s smile faded and he pressed his lips together. He understood where Seungyoon was coming from, but in reality had no personal experience in the matter. Before, he’d always been the one to lose patience and spill his guts, going all in and not caring about consequences.

Then again, this strategy hadn’t really worked well for him in the past so he wouldn’t advise it to anyone.

“I know impatience, believe me,” he said. “But I think you should wait. Not wait for them to say anything, just, wait until things are a bit clearer. What you have now, I don’t think it’s worth losing to impatience.”

Seungyoon nodded once, then again; he took a deep breath and straightened up. “You’re right. That’s what I wanted to do, but—” He let out a huff. “—I really hate not knowing.”

Jinwoo sighed in sympathy. “I know... Me too.”

In the silence that occurred, Jinwoo’s mind wondered back to his and Mino’s relationship. He was in a similar situation as Yoon – admittedly, he had gotten kissed; maybe the two of them had gone a bit further than Yoon and his person – but he was having a hard time resisting the urge to confess too early as he always had in the past all the same.

He figured he should take his own advice and wait, no matter how frustrating it was.

“I’ve wanted to ask you something,” Yoon said and Jinwoo stirred, blinking a few times to focus on him.

His demeanour had changed. Seungyoon now seemed anxious rather than giddy and excited as he had been a moment ago.

Jinwoo frowned. “You can ask me anything,” he assured.

There was the briefest pause before Seungyoon got his question out in one breath, “Is Song Minho your person?”

Jinwoo's first instinct was to deny it, to act as if he was grossed out and move on. But he went for the much more dangerous tactic of suspiciously changing the subject.

“Wh-at? How do you – how do you even know Mino?”

Seungyoon pursed his lips. “Instagram. My coworkers find him attractive.” He paused, keeping his gaze on Jinwoo, waiting to see if he’d say anything, perhaps return to Yoon's previous question.

But of course he didn’t. He just stared to the side.

For as insecure and possessive as Jinwoo was, it was surprising that he didn’t feel threatened by these coworkers. They didn’t know Mino; they weren’t even in the race, therefore weren’t his competition. As far as he was concerned, they were a fanclub.

As he moved on from this thought, something occurred to him.

Perhaps... Yoon's guess had been so spot on because he felt the same about Mino.

Jinwoo felt like he got punched in the stomach.

“Hyung, you can tell me,” Seungyoon started. “Would it help if I told you that my person is also a guy?”

As Jinwoo didn’t react, Yoon finally noticed the terror on his face, and figured that he should clarify,

“It’s not Mino! It’s someone else, but – but it’s a guy, so if your person _is_ Mino, you can tell me.”

Jinwoo glanced up at him briefly. At least that issue was out of the way, but there was still the horror of coming out.

But it was Seungyoon. He’d already offered understanding and came out himself, so why shouldn’t Jinwoo tell him?

With a heavy sigh, he nodded. “Yeah... It’s Mino.”

Seungyoon smiled, shuffling a little. “I knew it! I mean—you two are really cute,” he hummed.

Jinwoo smiled faintly and nodded. He couldn’t say much, not when he himself wasn’t sure what was happening between them.

Thankfully Seungyoon soon stood up, “Well, I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you around!” He opened his arms, this time asking permission for a hug beforehead; and Jinwoo gave it.

* * *

Mino had been so kind as to invite Jinwoo to another one of his squad’s hangouts, though that one was much more casual. Not a party, just a bunch of them chilling at Dean’s place.

Jinwoo had been reluctant to accept at first, in fact he had turned the offer down before talking to Seungyoon who advised him to step out of his comfort zone and try new things – since the party had turned out quite well.

So once again Jinwoo had had to inform Mino that he’d changed his mind, and ask if he could still join.

Since Mino had said that it was alright, there was Jinwoo, cuddled up on Dean’s couch along with Mino and Pyo, who were chatting with the others.

Even though the party had turned out fine, Jinwoo had to admit that he liked this kind of hanging out better. Much better.

He was still clumsy to integrate himself into conversations, but seeing that he wasn’t the only one – even though everyone present were friends – made him feel a bit better.

Once the few of them – Mino, Pyo, Dean, Hyoseob and Jiho – started to get lost in the liquor cabinet, it sort of left Jinwoo exposed to more interactions.

It was Dongwook who made eye contact and decided to sit next to him. Seunghyun joined in soon after, the three of them being the only ones completely sober.

 

They talked for hours. If you asked Jinwoo now what they talked about he wouldn’t be able to tell you. The best answer would be “everything and nothing.” He only knew for sure that the conversation was pleasant and genuine, heavy at times, but never truly reaching core issues.

The talk was cut off, however, when Hyoseob stumbled over, draped himself over Seunghyun’s back and started babbling about how much he loved him. Seunghyun excused himself with a sigh and secluded himself in order to hold and comfort the drunken boy.

He seemed to be the only one who got emotional like that when intoxicated. The other four... Well, they were being very loud. Playing songs they knew one after another and yelling the lyrics at the top of their lungs, the karaoke versions being played on the laptop that was connected to the speakers.

Dongwook and Jinwoo were left alone in a comfortable silence; a silence that made way for some thinking. It was something he’d thought about a lot: at first he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to accept the “different kinds of love” thing in practice, no matter how nice it sounded in theory. But after having watched Mino and Pyo’s interactions throughout the night, he found his slight feeling of jealousy fade into oblivion. He was starting to see the subtle difference between the boyfriend’s interactions and the qpp’s interactions. It somehow put him at ease.

Looking at them now, there was something else he was seeing. Jinwoo found himself unsettled by so many drunk people in one room. What’s more, they seemed to have been drinking much more than at the party.

He wasn’t sure how to word his worries, so he simply didn’t. But following his gaze, picking up on his discomfort, Dongwook decided to take a leap.

“You seem freaked out,” he said.

Jinwoo hugged his knees tighter, frowning as he watched. “Do they... Mino, does he... often...?”

Dongwook shrugged. “We get together every now and again. They like to drink and I guess it’s better to do it this way, when we’re together and we can look out for each other. There’s always someone who stays sober. It’s usually me, cause I don’t really like alcohol,” he lifted his soda can for emphasis. “So it all turns out fine. There’s not really anything to worry about.”

Jinwoo gave a tiny nod, but didn’t respond. Dongwook realized that there was likely more to Jinwoo’s question than he could see at the moment, but he couldn’t guess as to what it was. Instead, he tried to keep the conversation going.

“I mean it does suck, always being the one to make sure everyone gets home safely. Even now I’m thinking about it...”

“Mino’s supposed to be sleeping over at my place,” Jinwoo muttered.

Dongwook raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

Jinwoo gave a small nod, curling up.

Dongwook kept looking between Mino and Jinwoo, just trying to figure out what got the elder so stiff, so... scared. Jinwoo seemed scared.

And then something in the back of Dongwook’s mind clicked and he realized, suddenly he understood Jinwoo’s concern. A few things he’d said when the two of them and Seunghyun had been talking helped him make this realization, even though Jinwoo had been extremely careful not to reveal anything particular, just like all of them had been.

But Dongwook was finally able to put two and two together and he understood.

“I mean you don’t have to do that,” he said, shrugging. “Wouldn’t be the first time for Mino and Pyo to pass out at Dean’s.”

Jinwoo only stayed quiet. He was guarding himself, slowly sinking deeper under a protective mask, a coping mechanism he’d developed years ago – detaching himself from the situation completely and staying as emotionless as possible.

But before he could bury himself any further, Dongwook called his name.

Jinwoo’s gaze snapped up and he met Dongwook’s steady one.

“He’s not like that,” the other said.

Jinwoo blinked in confusion – although he knew exactly what Dongwook meant, he just didn’t want to accept it. “Like... what?”

Dongwook shook his head, dismissing Jinwoo’s question. “You know what I mean. He’s not like that.” He threw a glance over to where Mino and Jiho were hugging while singing. “I think he’d rather chop his hand off than ever hurt you.”

He wanted to believe it, he really did. Mino had never given Jinwoo a reason to think otherwise, but something deep inside was screaming at Jinwoo to be careful; to get away and distance himself from all of this.

Dongwook didn’t get a chance to say anything else because in the next moment his boyfriend was straddling his lap, nearly causing him to spill his soda.

“Fu—Jiho!” He whined. Soda was something Dongwook didn’t waste, but Jiho didn’t seem to care one bit. He had come for kisses and kisses he shall take.

With the two of them busy like that, Jinwoo was alone... Only for a second.

Mino dropped beside him on the couch and lightly plopped his head onto Jinwoo’s shoulder. Usually so observant, Mino was now oblivious to how Jinwoo flinched and stiffened, balling his fists at his sides.

Yet he said nothing.

Mino smiled and gently booped Jinwoo’s nose. “Hi.”

Jinwoo blinked in surprise, staring down at Mino with raised eyebrows. “Hey there.”

He shouldn’t have expected a conversation from someone in his state, but Jinwoo found the silence the least bit uncomfortable.

Mino’s gaze fell on Jinwoo’s lips, just for a second. It was nothing new at that point. Not even his next sentence surprised Jinwoo that much.

A quiet, gentle, slightly slurred, “Can I kiss you?”

In another situation Jinwoo would have said yes – but only because it was Mino asking. The truth was that in any other case Jinwoo would have said nothing.

Because his ‘no’ had never held much weight.

Through the chaos caused by fear, a tiny ray of hope made way. So far, it had all been different with Mino. Perhaps this too would be different.

_“He’s not like that.”_

Jinwoo really wanted to believe it.

Shuffling away the tiniest bit, he stuttered, “You know, I – I’d rather you didn’t—right now—” He held his breath.

For a moment Mino just stared at Jinwoo with his lips parted in an ‘o’ shape. Then he nodded and rested his head back on Jinwoo’s shoulder instead.

Jinwoo sighed a breath of relief. It wasn’t instantaneous, it took a little while, but he was able to relax and the feeling that he was in danger slowly withdrew.

The next time he looked at the sleepy Mino, he was able to see how endearing it was – for as much as he didn’t like drinking – Mino was just a big softie when drunk.

Dongwook had been right, and was Jinwoo happy that it was so.

 

It wasn’t long before Dongwook appeared next to them, with Jiho dropping his entire weight on his boyfriend’s smaller frame.

“If he’s sleeping that’s a sign we should go,” Dongwook said. “I can drop you off.”

Jinwoo nodded. He made sure to stir Mino awake before getting up. Dongwook was pleasantly surprised to see that they were going hand in hand – he hadn’t expected Jinwoo to change his mind so swiftly.

 

Dongwook was at the wheel with Jiho at the front, and Mino and Jinwoo at the back.

It was a bit of a struggle at first.

“Babe you can’t lean on me while I’m driving,” Dongwook was trying to rationalize with his extremely affectionate boyfriend.

“But— _cheeks_!” Jiho sulked.

Not without blushing, Dongwook swatted him away. “ _No_ , you can’t touch or kiss my cheeks while I’m driving. Now shoo. We’ll be home soon, so be patient.”

This was before he even started the car.

Thankfully, Mino was much calmer. Rested comfily against Jinwoo, he drifted off once again. Jinwoo nearly felt bad for having to wake him once they arrived, but there was simply no way he would have been able to carry Mino.

Before closing the door, Jinwoo called out a “thank you” to Dongwook.

He just threw up a peace sign and smiled, swatted Jiho away again and once Jinwoo had closed the door, drove off.

 

Getting Mino to bed ended up being easier than expected. He was coordinated enough to take his shoes off in the hallway and stagger to the bed. Once he fell on it, he said “Fluffy,” in a sleepy tone and didn’t move again.

Being the hopeless romantic that he was, Jinwoo had seen many stories where there’s only one bed and two people are forced to share.

But as much as he liked Mino, Jinwoo didn’t think they were quite on that level yet.

He changed into his pyjamas and washed his face because of the makeup he’d had on. Jinwoo curled up on the couch with his favourite blanket that he’d pried from under Mino.

 

Jinwoo woke up feeling surprisingly well-rested. He knew it was a trap though – being someone who often sleeps little or not at all, he knew that throughout the day the exhaustion would gradually be more noticeable.

No matter, because for the moment being he felt well. So well, in fact, that that morning he decided to make food.

Yes, Kim Jinwoo, who was usually either too lazy or too tired or too down to even eat, was going to make food.

This time was different. Because this morning when Jinwoo carefully and silently walked into his room and saw Mino sleeping on his bed, he got an overwhelming urge to recreate the morning aesthetics he liked to browse; he wanted to make them reality for when Mino woke up.

It surprised him how well it worked. Jinwoo didn’t cook often, but he was good at following instructions. Luckily for him, there were a lot of recipes for aesthetic breakfasts. When he was done his kitchen table looked like a pinterest board and it was _perfect_.

Mino woke up a little bit after Jinwoo had finished. He’d only had the time to read one page of his book before he heard shuffling footsteps.

There was Mino, standing at the door, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Did you make breakfast?”

Jinwoo nodded and put his book away. “I—well, I tried.”

“It looks good.” Mino paused. “Do you, uh, have any medicine? I got a pretty bad headache...”

Jinwoo smiled faintly and stood up. “Sure I do. Dummy.” Passing by, he ruffled Mino’s hair.

Mino muttered a small “thank you” when Jinwoo brought him the medicine. After he was all set, they sat down to eat.

They didn’t speak much and Jinwoo found it slightly unsettling, given that usually Mino was the one to start conversations and keep them going, yet now he was perfectly silent.

Mino suddenly looked up, leaving his food for the moment. “Listen, I don’t usually get blackout drunk, I really don’t. And it may have—it was probably too early for you to see all that—but I figure, you wouldn’t have brought me home if you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Jinwoo reassured. “It was—everything was fine.”

Mino paused. “That didn’t sound very convincing.”

“It was fine.” Jinwoo had attempted a more confident tone, but it came out harsh instead, therefore he sounded more upset.

“Hyung... Did I do something stupid?”

Jinwoo wrapped his arms around himself and leaned back in his chair. He was looking to the side. “You _didn’t_.  You didn’t do anything stupid, you actually... You asked if you could kiss me and I said no.”

The gravely silence stretched out. “And did I?”

“No.”

Mino nodded. “Good.” He played with his food for a little while. When he seemed to collect himself, he went back to his usual chatting.

 

“I should probably be going...”

Jinwoo was very sad to hear these words. It wasn’t that Jinwoo couldn’t be alone – in fact it was quite the opposite. But since those past months he’d been around other people, things were starting to change. He once again needed company.

“You can stay, I don’t mind,” he said hastily.

Mino smiled and stood. “I’m not feeling so well and I don’t want to be a burden. Hey, don’t worry, I’ll probably message you tonight with a song recommendation.”

“Or a meme,” Jinwoo added, smiling. It was always like that; after they part ways Mino would message Jinwoo and they’d continue chatting about something they hadn’t covered while they were together.

Jinwoo saw Mino to the door. He waited for the younger to put his shoes and jacket on to get his goodbye hug. And a hug he got, and that was it.

Before Mino went out the door, however, Jinwoo called after him.

The younger turned around, raising his eyebrows inquisitively.

Jinwoo shuffled a bit, he needed a moment to gather the courage to get the sentence out.

“You can—you can kiss me now...”

Mino didn’t even hesitate. With a happy little smile, he walked back inside and, taking Jinwoo by the waist, pressed a brief, goodbye kiss to his lips.

“I’ll see you around,” Mino said and gave a small wave before closing the door.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Be careful—” Jinwoo said.
> 
> Mino turned around and leaned further over the edge, with a stupid grin on his face. “You’re worried about me?”
> 
> Jinwoo nodded hesitantly.
> 
> “You care about me?” Mino then asked, finally getting back to where was safe, where there was a yellow fence. He got closer to the circular podium looking space where Jinwoo was sitting.
> 
> Maybe because of the previous fear, maybe because of the proximity, Jinwoo’s heart was racing. He once again only nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to make an update!! I hope you like it!

One chilly Saturday morning, Jinwoo was in his natural state of being curled up on the couch, wrapped up in blankets with a book and cup of tea when he received a call from Seungyoon.

He started talking as soon as Jinwoo picked up. He was barely breathing.

“Hey, calm down, I didn’t catch half of that,” the elder interrupted, though he was smiling. He could hear the excitement in Yoon’s voice and he just knew there was good news.

Yoon drew a few deep breaths. _“Okay, okay, okay.”_ He paused. _“Basically—I have a boyfriend now.”_

Jinwoo smiled brightly, sharing Seungyoon’s enthusiasm. He put his book away and sat up a bit. “You can tell me all about it if you want!”

_“I do! But, do you think we can see each other? We haven’t met up in a while and I want to tell you about it in person. If that’s okay...”_

Jinwoo threw a glance around his living room. It wasn’t too messy, even though he hadn’t tidied in a while. He figured he could take care of the details by the time Seungyoon arrived. “Of course, I’d love to see you! Is it okay if you come over, though? I don’t feel like going out, but I do want to see you.”

_“Oh—I’m flattered! It’s no problem really.”_

Jinwoo felt himself relax with relief. “Great... I’ll be making cookies so you can tell me all about it while I work!”

_“Cookies! Sounds amazing! I’ll be there in... Say, half an hour. See you then!”_

 

Seungyoon wasn’t quite out of his daze even when he finished the retelling of how he ended up having a boyfriend. He was sitting at the table, cheeks rested in his hand, looking off into the distance and playing with one of the spoons Jinwoo had used for mixing.

“He’s such a goof,” Yoon was saying, smiling fondly at the thoughts. “But he’s also really kind and caring... He often slips in a thoughtful gesture, wrapped up in some silly joke so that I don’t notice how much he cares, but... He’s really a big softie. Gosh, I—I don’t know if it’s too soon for me to say, but I think I love him..”

Jinwoo was smiling the entire time. Having put the cookies in the oven, Jinwoo turned around to face the younger. “Hey, you know your feelings better than anyone. People have different views on the word love, and you’re not wrong either way. Say it if it feels right.”

Seungyoon listened with wide eyes, looking to Jinwoo as if he held all the answers of the universe. Then he looked down, and as much as he tried to stay serious for just one second, he couldn’t help smiling to himself again.

“I love him,” he muttered.

Jinwoo went over to Seungyoon and engulfed him into a warm hug. “I’m really happy for you, Yoon,” he said, letting the younger latch onto him.

Seungyoon heaved a contented sigh, nuzzling against Jinwoo for a little while. Then his head snapped up, startling the other a bit. “You should meet him! I mean—I would like to introduce you... Only if you want of course! Do you want to meet him...?”

Jinwoo’s smile widened, he felt his chest swell with pride and joy. “Of course I do! I’m so glad you want to introduce me.”

Seungyoon gave a toothy grin and tugged Jinwoo down onto the chair next to him. “Well—you are my best friend in Seoul. And because I’m not sure it’s safe to introduce a boy to my family yet, so you’re as close to family as I can get.” Seungyoon played with Jinwoo’s hand as he said this.

He didn’t know why he was getting so choked up. He could only get out a small, “Thank you.”

It was sudden and impulsive, but he was taken by the moment; Yoon leaned in and pecked Jinwoo’s cheek, but somehow the elder didn’t mind it. Immediately after doing it however, Seungyoon realized that he probably shouldn’t have been so forward – but then Jinwoo burst into a fit of giggles. Taking this as a sign that everything was fine, Seungyoon joined in.

Yoon’s next question however, made Jinwoo’s smile fade.

“So how are you and Mino doing?”

He shifted, gaze dropping to where Seungyoon was still holding his hands. “We’re... good.”

Hearing his tone, Seungyoon’s smile fell as well. “That doesn’t sound so good.”

Jinwoo shook his head, yanking his hands from Seungyoon’s hold. He curled up on the chair and hugged his knees. “But everything _is_ good! It’s too good. And I’m just—sitting here and waiting for something horrible to happen because I can’t—I can’t wrap my mind around someone actually wanting to stay with me.”

He hid his face, shutting his eyes tightly. He immediately regretted going on such a rant; he should have stayed quiet about his feelings. Jinwoo speaking up about that always turned people away from him.

Seungyoon stayed quiet for a while, trying to analyse the situation and find the best thing to say. “You know... Just because something happened a certain way once doesn’t mean it will happen the same way in the future too—”

“Not _once_ ,” Jinwoo muttered under his breath.

Seungyoon needed another pause. “Alright, so it happened a few times. Yeah, that would make it difficult to have different expectations... but try to remember that not everyone is the same. Some people weren’t good to you, but that doesn’t mean no one ever will be.”

Jinwoo shook his head, angrily wiping away tears that dared form in the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know, Yoon... There must be a reason why everyone treats me the same.” He paused, sniffling a little. “Then again—I’m too _stupid_ to walk away from people who are clearly bad for me. I—I'm so scared of being alone that I settle for anything—”

Seungyoon then understood that the problem was much bigger than what Jinwoo had mentioned so far. He saw it because Jinwoo’s statements often seemed unrelated, clearly referring to events and people Seungyoon knew nothing about. Therefore he had to be careful with his answer.

“It’s good to be aware of your flaws and strive to better yourself, but you shouldn’t ever blame yourself for others’ shitty behaviour.” Yoon scooted closer; he wanted to embrace Jinwoo, but he didn’t think it was a good time.

“It’s not a sin to want people in your life – it’s normal, really. It’s not bad to want a fulfilling relationship. I mean... it would be ideal if you could just be on perfect terms with yourself and be able to be on your own, but that takes time. A _lot_ of time. You have the right to your journey.”

Jinwoo looked at Seungyoon with eyes filled with uncertainty. He seemed to be searching for answers, although he knew that no one could give them. He needed to find them on his own, even if friends were willing to help out. Which he appreciated, of course, more than he could ever say.

“Hyung, if you really think that Mino is bad for you, you shouldn’t stay. I don’t know him very well, so I can’t say. All I know is that you glow when you so much as hear his name. But you should learn from past experiences and if there’s anything setting you off, end it.”

Jinwoo averted his gaze and stared at one spot on the table for quite some time. “There’s nothing setting me off. No red flags whatsoever.” He scrunched up his nose in thought. “There was this once...” Jinwoo shook his head. “But even then he didn’t make a mistake. He’s just... Unbelievably kind and patient and—the thought that all of it is just a mask _terrifies_ me. Him being this amazing will just make the heartbreak heavier—”

“You’re talking like it’s already happening,” Yoon said softly as to not sound like he was scolding. “How about you at least try to give a chance to the scenario where he’s being genuine? It’s good to be cautious but don’t write him off so quickly.”

The thing was that Jinwoo didn’t want to. He wanted more than anything for Mino to be who he’d been presenting himself as, for it all to be real. However, he was terrified of getting hurt again.

“I don’t know Yoon,” Jinwoo whispered. “I’m so tired..”

The younger opened his arms as to ask permission for a hug. Jinwoo simply let himself tumble into Seungyoon's embrace.

* * *

Jinwoo was shuddering in the chilly wind; it wasn’t particularly cold, he simply hadn’t put together a warm enough outfit, fooled by the previous sunny days. He made sure to cross the street quickly, soon finding himself in the warmth of Mino’s workplace.

The younger was currently having a break. Jiho also seemed free at the moment, while Dongwook was busy with a customer.

Jinwoo gave greetings as he hesitantly made way towards the front desk where Mino was seated on the counter.

Hearing Jinwoo’s soft “hello,” the tattoo artist immediately looked up from his phone and gave a big smile, genuinely delighted to see him.

“Oh, hi! Well this is a surprise,” he hummed. He swiftly hopped off the counter to meet Jinwoo halfway and give him a quick hug.

Jinwoo didn’t hug back since he was holding a box with a floral design – he sort of protectively pressed it to his chest while Mino hugged him.

“Whatchu got there?” The younger questioned, curiously examining the box in Jinwoo’s arms.

“... For you,” Jinwoo said, oh so eloquently, and thudded the object into Mino’s hands.

Mino looked up at him inquisitively. He carefully lifted the lid, as if he was expecting to find already-lit fireworks in there, ready to blow up in his face.

Needless to say, he found something very different.

The inside of the box was inlaid with napkins and it contained neatly stacked chocolate chip cookies; though they did shift about in the process of carrying.

Mino’s eyes sparked at the mere sight of the cookies and he broke into a grin. “Cookies! You got me cookies!?”

Jinwoo didn’t hesitate to, _gently_ , flick Mino’s forehead. “I _made_ them and they’re not just for you! You should share!”

Jiho perked up at this information, and immediately skidded over to grab a cookie for himself.

Dongwook briefly looked up from his work. He cursed to himself and then called out, “Save some for me! Please!”

“I’ll make sure they do,” Jinwoo assured.

Munching on his cookie, Mino went back to sit on the counter. He beckoned Jinwoo and the elder stood beside him.

“I’m actually glad you’re here because... I have something to ask you,” he said looking down at the box.

The sentence alone made Jinwoo experience the stabbing feeling of anxiety. “Uh... what’s up?” He cleared his throat, realizing how panicked he’d sounded.

The tone didn’t slip past Mino and he quickly reassured, “Oh—I don’t mean something dramatic like—I have no idea why I worded it that way, I’m sorry—I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out this weekend.”

Jinwoo’s shoulders relaxed and he smiled faintly. “Oof, I’m glad to hear that. Really thought it was something monumental for a second.”

Mino let out a nervous little chuckle and slightly tightened his grip on the floral box. “Yeah, but I want to... Show you something. A place. I mean—it’s just something – somewhere that’s important to me so I wanted to take you there.”

That had to be the first time Jinwoo was seeing Mino this nervous. This place must have truly meant a lot to him. “Hey, that sounds good. Of course I’ll go with you.”

Mino lifted his gaze and gave a small smile, before he broke into a grin again and somehow, lord only knows how, put an entire cookie into his mouth horizontally.

* * *

As if he were a long distance mind reader, Mino sent a thoughtful message just as Jinwoo was starting to get ready.

**[realllllmino]: hey gorgeous**

**[realllllmino]: it’s a bit windy, so dress warmly okay? well be walking by the river so itll be chilly**

Jinwoo couldn’t help but smile at his screen like a love struck fool. He quickly replied that he’d pay mind to that and got to assembling an outfit.

He thought this was the perfect moment to pull out his beautiful pink coat – or salmon coloured, as men with fragile masculinity would call it. He also took some mittens just in case. Standing in front of the mirror, Jinwoo thought he looked cute enough. He hoped Mino would notice... And then that thought made him flustered and he quickly grabbed his phone, wallet and keys and went the heck out.

 

It was ridiculous, truly. Why did Mino always lean on walls while waiting? Did he _ever_ stand up straight? He just _had_ to lean on stuff to, what, appear cool? Every time, every single time...

“Hey,” Jinwoo greeted, waving at the younger.

Mino looked up and for a second just stared. Then he split into a grin and reached out. “Can I?”

A little confused, Jinwoo stiffened and nodded.

Mino took his hands and started examining the woollen mittens. “They’re _adorable_. They’re knitted?”

Jinwoo hid his face behind his, also knitted, scarf. “Yeah...”

“Did you make them?”

Jinwoo shook his head. “No, no, but they are handmade...”

“You didn’t strike me as the type of guy to wear mittens,” Mino said, still smiling goofily at the gloves. “But you’ll be warm today for sure!”

It was a tad bit confusing to Jinwoo how he didn’t strike Mino as someone who wore mittens – he was all about the aesthetic after all.

But as he laid eyes on Mino, Jinwoo observed that he was in a regular outfit of a t-shirt, ripped jeans and his signature leather jacket. “I will be... But what about you?” He asked, nudging Mino a little.

He just chuckled, nudging Jinwoo back. “I’ll be fine! I don’t really get cold.”

Jinwoo curled his bottom lip and took off his mittens, offering them to Mino. “You gotta.”

Mino put his hand over his heart and let out a sound that one does when overwhelmed with emotions and adorableness. “Alright, I’ll take them. Just for you.” After putting the mittens on, Mino leaned in. He stopped halfway though and tilted his head quizzically.

Jinwoo moved a bit closer and closed his eyes. He just hoped Mino would be quick with it or else Jinwoo would melt into a puddle of blush. Thankfully, quick he was. He just gave a tiny peck on the cheek.

“Okay let’s go,” he hummed and just – took Jinwoo’s hand. Just like that. Those things always came so easy to Mino and the elder still admired him for it.

Not only did he take Jinwoo’s hand, Mino put it in the pocket of his leather jacket as well. “You gave me your mittens, I have to make sure you don’t get cold,” was his explanation.

 

They walked down the promenade, hand in hand. They walked past bars and cafes and loud clubs. They went into the docs, with boat-restaurants lining the shore.

When peeking inside, it was obvious that they were high class, expensive places. Jinwoo scrunched up his nose at the sight – looking to himself and Mino it was obvious that neither of them would fit in there, and besides, he wouldn’t even want to share space with rich snobs.

Thankfully, it didn’t look like they were headed to any of those floating restaurants. Not that Jinwoo had even expected it – an anarchist such as Mino would not consider a fancy restaurant a “special place”. Something like that surely wouldn’t awaken a spark in him.

Besides, Mino had simpler and more meaningful ways of showing affection. Things Jinwoo appreciated more than he ever could a fancy dinner.

They crossed the parking lot, packed with expensive cars. A large yellow construction came into view; something that to Jinwoo vaguely looked like a hoist used for construction work, but he truly wasn’t sure what the purpose of this was. There were stairs leading up to it. It didn’t seem moveable, just a bridge of sorts over the parking lot.

Mino easily jumped over the very low gate blocking the path to the stairs and offered to help Jinwoo over it, but he did it himself.

While ascending, Jinwoo was looking around, still curious. “So, uh… What is this, actually?”

Mino looked around as if only now realizing where they were, but he only shrugged. “Dunno. We just call it the Yellow Thing. It’s safe though. And despite the fence down there no one’s ever made us leave, so.”

Jinwoo frowned in slight disappointment; somehow he thought that Mino’s special place would be… more special. Not a hangout spot. “So… you and the guys come here often,” he asked.

Mino smiled, leaning on a yellow pole. “Not quite. This is more of a talking place, not a hanging out place.”

Well, that was reassuring enough. Jinwoo’s tiny frown disappeared and he nodded.  Then he averted his gaze, looking across the river. A talking place, huh.

“I take it you wanna talk, then?”

Mino didn’t meet Jinwoo’s eyes. He too was looking across the river, at the lights in the distance. “…Didn’t mean for it to be so quick.”

Jinwoo somehow thought that Mino would then get to it, but he didn’t. He just started climbing around the construction, going over to the side that had no fence. He was leaning over the edge, holding onto a pole with only one gloved hand. Staring into the black abyss of the Han River made him laugh.

It wasn’t that Jinwoo was scared of heights. It wasn’t even that he was scared of climbing around – not when it was him doing it anyway. However watching someone else do it suddenly made his heart rate increase.

“Be careful—” Jinwoo said.

Mino turned around and leaned further over the edge, with a stupid grin on his face. “You’re worried about me?”

Jinwoo nodded hesitantly.

“You care about me?” Mino then asked, finally getting back to where was safe, where there was a yellow fence. He got closer to the circular podium looking space where Jinwoo was sitting.

Maybe because of the previous fear, maybe because of the proximity, Jinwoo’s heart was racing. He once again only nodded.

Mino carefully sat opposite of Jinwoo. For a little while he didn’t say anything.

Jinwoo could hear his heartbeat drumming in his ears.

“I like you.”

Jinwoo stared. He just stared at Mino through the half darkness, unable to speak.

The younger was starting to fidget with the mittens Jinwoo had given him. “Sorry—was that too blunt? I thought it’d be easier to say if I didn’t beat around the bush.”

“You’re not… Just saying that, right?” Jinwoo asked skeptically.

Mino frowned. “Why… would I be just saying that? I mean—I’ve kinda been—” he cleared his throat, “—building up the courage to tell you that, why would I lie?”

Jinwoo shrugged one shoulder. “Well I don’t know, maybe you don’t really mean it, maybe you just wanna… You know..”

Clearly, this wasn’t how Mino had planned for things to go. He crossed his arms; his expression was a mix of irritated, anxious and worried. “Hyung, if I just wanted to fuck, I would have found an easier way to do it,” he said. “I wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble. _I like you._ ”

Jinwoo didn’t expect him to be so blunt. He shook his head and curled up. “I don’t know, okay, I’m just—really tired of being used.” He too displayed his sulking abilities and crossed his arms, looking away.

Mino took off Jinwoo’s mittens and handed them back. Jinwoo accepted them and sadly put them back into his pockets.

“I wouldn’t ever hurt you,” was the only thing Mino said.

The elder stared in front of himself. Then he looked up at Mino, and that time he didn’t avert his gaze. “I know you wouldn’t. But—you brought me here expecting something, didn’t you?”

Mino huffed out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I suppose I did. You’re the one who asked for my number, right? Over time I fell for you and I somehow thought that once I confessed… I don’t know. Maybe I was too optimistic.”

“No, Mino—I like you too, I do. But I’m scared.” Jinwoo didn’t say anything else, just tried to hide. Curl up and disappear.

There was a moment of silence before Mino carefully took Jinwoo’s hands in his own. “If you’re afraid I was only ever interested in sleeping with you, just remember that that are _so many_ easier ways to get laid. I _actually_ care about you. And I understand if you don’t want to be my boyfriend, but—”

“Hold on a second,” Jinwoo interrupted. “Who said anything about being your boyfriend?”

Mino stared and stared for a good minute and then he muttered. “Fuck. I forgot to ask you.”

After everything, Jinwoo couldn’t help himself and he burst out laughing at this. “Seriously, Mino… You’re so _silly_.”

Mino joined in on the laughter, though his was more anxious and embarrassed.

Having settled down, Jinwoo cleared his throat. He figured that Mino still needed an answer.

“I would love to be your boyfriend, if you’ll have me.”

Mino heaved a sigh of relief and pulled Jinwoo into a hug, perhaps too overwhelmed to ask this time. But Jinwoo didn’t mind. In fact, he would have to remember to tell Mino that he didn’t have to ask anymore – not for hugs and kisses at least.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never had Jinwoo’s smile been wiped off his face so swiftly. He stared and stared for a good minute, hoping that he was looking at a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the central conflict - next chapter actually.
> 
> I can't believe people thought the story was over with the last chapter lmao

It was pretty late when Mino dropped Jinwoo off at his place, so he didn’t call Seungyoon and instead sent him a voice message. He held so much exhilaration in his heart that he needed to share it and Seungyoon was the only one Jinwoo trusted enough to tell.

“Hey Yoonie… I know it’s late and you’re probably sleeping—at least I hope you are but—long story short I have a boyfriend now and—I want to tell you about it, so… Whenever you’re free…”

Jinwoo went to bed happy that night. There was no room for paranoia, not in that moment at least. He would worry and seek reassurance later, but now, he just wanted to rejoice.

* * *

Jinwoo received congratulations from Jiho and Dongwook the very next time he walked into their shop.

“I knew it would work out!” Dongwook had said, smiling cheekily. “Now we can finally be free of Mino’s pining rants!”

“I knew you were the one the moment you brought us cookies to work,” was Jiho’s input.

The rest of the gang was very happy too – so much so that Jinwoo felt like there was something wrong with him, being the only one who wasn’t celebrating.

He was happy, he really was. He’d just never displayed happiness so loudly. Mino didn’t seem to mind or notice. He didn’t question Jinwoo, he only messed around with his friends, responding to their teasing when he had a good comeback; if not, he just did a gross couple-y thing in their full view to shut them up.

Now that, that was something Jinwoo needed getting used to. It was cruelly ironic, how touch starved he was while at the same time feeling the need to preserve his personal bubble at all costs.

Mino and Yoon were the only two people who Jinwoo was comfortable enough to have physical contact with. However, the amount of attention he was receiving from Mino now that they were official was a little overwhelming.

Especially in public.

And he didn’t really know how to bring it up. Besides, considering what happened last time Jinwoo asked someone for a little space, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to bring anything up. He knew Mino meant nothing bad. That should be enough for things to be alright.

…Right?

Since he’d opted for silence, Jinwoo had no defence mechanism other than physical restraint, which was quite confusing to Mino. He’d somehow thought that Jinwoo would talk to him if there was something wrong. This way, having to go off of vague signs of discomfort, he didn’t really know how to act or what was going on.

It all escalated unexpectedly. They weren’t even in public, they were at Dean’s. Jinwoo had been agitated the entire day and perhaps Mino had had a drink or two so he didn’t think twice before going in for a kiss.

Needless to say, Jinwoo wasn’t up for it. It all played out silently, him pushing Mino away, not hard enough to hurt anything but his feelings. The fact that it happened in front of his friends was a cherry on top.

They didn’t talk afterwards. The others knew better than to ask. Jinwoo left on his own and Mino went home with Pyo.

 

It wasn’t a storm, there was no yelling or fighting; that wasn’t like them. They just didn’t talk for a few days, taking the time to think and figure out what to say once they decided to speak again.

And before long, Mino texted him asking if he could cross the street to the coffee shop so they could talk.

So there was Mino, sitting opposite of Jinwoo, with his hands intertwined on the table and leaning forward like he often did. There was Jinwoo, with his hands in his lap and nervously picking at his ripped jeans, trying to shrink like he often did.

Mino was the first to speak.

“You know you should talk to me when something’s wrong.”

Jinwoo’s first instinct was to say that he was okay, however he knew Mino wouldn’t believe it, not after what had happened. Besides, him saying that he was okay was only the short version of “I don’t want to share my troubles with anyone.”

However he also knew that this wasn’t only his troubles anymore. They’d seeped in-between him and Mino, which was why he now had to speak up.

He shifted in his chair, trying to mimic Mino’s posture. “…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Mino was quick to shake his head and disregard the apology. “That’s fine. I’m not even upset about that really—I was kinda drunk, it’s okay for you to—” he stopped himself before he could start rambling. “That was only the breaking point, wasn’t it?”

Jinwoo averted his gaze.

“Babe you gotta tell me. You know I’d never force you to tell me something you don’t want to share, but this is affecting our relationship.”

Jinwoo was honestly trying. But nothing left his mouth as he found himself tongue-tied and overwhelmed with an irrational fear. _This is Mino. He’s not like the others._ Yet he still couldn’t speak.

And because he couldn’t, because he saw Jinwoo struggling, Mino was forced to guess.

“You need more space? That’s okay, hyung you just gotta ask.”

It was as if Jinwoo’s train – that was more of a trainwreck – of thought had hit a wall, tumbled over and suddenly started racing in the opposite direction. Not only could he now talk, he was also able to eloquently say something he’d been trying to avoid bringing up and bury deep down in his shitty college memories.

“I _would_ ask—but the last time I asked it wasn’t pretty,” he spat out and immediately regretted it.

“The last time?” Mino tilted his head. “Have you already asked me? Because I don’t remember.”

Jinwoo felt suffocated on his own breath, caught in his throat. He tried to swallow and inhale, but he couldn’t. “Not _you_. My... ex.”

To his surprise, when Jinwoo briefly flicked his gaze up to check Mino’s reaction, the younger was smiling. Bitterly so, but he was smiling, which was odd for the situation.

“But I’m not your ex, am I?”

Jinwoo’s shoulders relaxed and he heaved a breath. “No… You’re really not.”

Mino shifted, now resting his forearms on the table. “So, that’s it. You need space?”

Jinwoo pouted. That wasn’t exactly how he’d word it – he definitely didn’t want Mino to stay away, not completely anyway. He reached out and started playing with Mino’s hand, keeping his gaze on that task.

“Not quite. It’s more that... I’m not good with PDA. I’m—” he sighed. “I’m scared. That’s it. I’m scared.”

Mino was quiet for a while, him also only looking at how Jinwoo played with his hand. Then he looked up. “What are you scared of, love?”

Closing his own around Mino’s, Jinwoo pressed his forehead to their joined hands. “Everything.” He shut his eyes and sighed. “I’m a bit too old to give a damn about what other people think of me and for the most part I _don’t_. But I’m just – not like you and your friends. I can’t be that public about love.”

In a carefully calculated move, Mino brought his free hand up to brush Jinwoo’s bangs out of his forehead.

“That’s okay, hyung. I’m used to being public, but if you’re not we can take it slow. But really, you could have just said so.” His tone was gentle, but clearly it hurt him that Jinwoo kept it all bottled until he cracked.

Jinwoo stayed still for another moment. He could just end the discussion right there, promise that they’re good now and move on. But maybe, maybe Mino deserved to know. Maybe Jinwoo felt like he should start sharing things without feeling like it was the wrong thing to do. Because clearly it was safe to do so; never had Mino reprimanded him for opening up.

He slowly sat up straight, but he didn’t let go of Mino’s hand.

“I couldn’t have just said so, because I was afraid,” he muttered. “I know it was a different person and a completely different situation but—that experience scared me and so I couldn’t ask you.”

Mino didn’t inquire as to what had happened. He stayed quiet and let Jinwoo decide if he wanted to keep talking.

The elder let out a bitter chuckle. “It’s not the asking that was the problem though. That part went _smoothly_. He told me we’d _take it slow_ , but we didn’t actually. He—accidentally outed me to my family because he just _had to_ kiss me in the wrong moment and—”

Mino couldn’t hug him the way they were sitting, but he held Jinwoo’s hand and offered a comforting silence.

“Yeah, you mentioned not talking to your family,” Mino muttered. Jinwoo was surprised he remembered, but honestly, at that point, he shouldn’t have been. He should just expect Mino to exceed expectations, low though they may have been.

“But hey,” he continued, gently squeezing Jinwoo’s hand. When he glanced up, he saw that Mino was smiling. “You do realize I’m not an asshole, right? If you want me to stop you just have to say so and I’ll stop—without taking it personally.”

Jinwoo nodded. He took a second to breathe. Then he nodded again and caught his breath again.

It was okay.

He smiled.

It was okay.

He leaned in a bit, as his anxiety slowly but surely melted away. “You don’t have to—stop kissing me and stuff… Just do it when we’re alone.”

Mino grinned. “You got it babe.”

* * *

It was a bit better after that, because Mino was staying true to his promise and Jinwoo now knew he could set boundaries with them being respected. He wasn’t sure he was making any progress when it came to PDA though, but he had promised himself that he’d try to communicate more instead of just hoping for Mino to know what he needed. With both of them doing their part, things were better.

 

And so Jinwoo was very happy when he set out that day to meet up with Yoon and his special someone. It was that day, the day he would meet Seungyoon’s boyfriend.

Jinwoo was somehow so proud, and still very overwhelmed that Seungyoon would consider him close enough to introduce his boyfriend to, when he couldn’t to his family. This was an honour to Jinwoo.

Stepping into the coffee shop – the one where Seungyoon worked, though he wasn’t working at the moment – Jinwoo took a deep breath to brace himself. He brushed the snow off of his shoulders and looked around to find the pair.

He spotted them sitting in the corner at a table for three. Seungyoon immediately stood and waved, a bright smile adorning his features. A moment later he lowered his waving hand to instead clutch at his heart – he must have been very excited.

And Jinwoo was too—until the person Yoon was with turned around.

Never had Jinwoo’s smile been wiped off his face so swiftly. He stared and stared for a good minute, hoping that he was looking at a ghost.

He felt his face and cheeks burning, not only because of the change in temperature, but also because of the rising anxiety and shame.

He thought he’d never see this person again.

What a small world it was, for his new best friend to be dating his ex best friend from college.

Jinwoo didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go over there and face Lee Seunghoon, he wasn’t ready. His brain was screaming at him to remove himself from the situation immediately and that’s exactly what he did.

He turned on his heel and walked back out of the coffee shop.

Jinwoo thought about going home and crying for hours, but he remembered that there was a place much nearer where he could find shelter.

He quickly crossed the street to the tattoo shop and entered without knocking. He looked around, but the blonde wasn’t there.

He must have looked like a disaster because Dongwook and Jiho were staring at him worriedly. As Dongwook was busy, Jiho was the one to drop everything and walk over.

“Woah, hey. What’s wrong?”

“Where’s Mino?” Jinwoo spoke breathlessly.

Jiho took him by the shoulders in an attempt to ground him – and possibly keep him up if his legs gave out.

“He’s not in right now, he’ll be here in like—”

“Half an hour,” Dongwook filled in.

“Yeah,” Jiho confirmed.

Jinwoo didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t know what possibly to say.

“Uh...” Jiho stirred him towards the front desk, then behind it, through a door Jinwoo had never really noticed, and into one of the backrooms.

He sat Jinwoo down onto the only chair that was in there.

“Do you need anything? Um, tea, you need tea,” Jiho said, not sure what to do but his best.

“No, I’m fine—” Jinwoo muttered, still having trouble catching a breath.

“Yeah, you definitely need tea,” Jiho said. “Hyung, listen to me, you need to breathe. You’re safe here okay? Take a deep breath with me, okay?” He kneeled down in front of Jinwoo, patiently waiting for him to calm down.

Jinwoo tried to follow Jiho’s breathing and for the most part it worked. He nodded a few times to indicate that he was alright, but didn’t try to speak in fear of choking on his own breath again.

“You’re okay?” Jiho checked, getting up.

Jinwoo nodded once more.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He said and disappeared into the next room.

In his absence, Jinwoo tried to calm down but the outcome of his efforts ended up being the complete opposite. Instead of keeping it all down, he broke into tears that he’d been able to hold back this long.

He was thankful to Jiho for completely ignoring his mental breakdown. Jinwoo needed this, he needed to let it all out without being watched or fussed over, bothered or asked questions. He just needed to cry.

When he was more or less calm, Jiho emerged and handed him a mug. “Careful, it’s hot,” he said. He didn’t leave again, he sat on the ground in front of Jinwoo with his legs crossed at the ankles.

“Can you tell me what happened?” The younger questioned.

He didn’t seem persistent, leaving Jinwoo room to refuse to speak, but he somehow felt like he owed Jiho some sort of an explanation after barging into the shop.

“I saw someone I thought was gone from my life—” he muttered and sighed.

Jiho frowned, straightening up a bit. “It’s not—someone who can hurt you right? You’re not in danger?”

Jinwoo quickly shook his head. “No, no! It’s nothing like that! It was just… An old friend—well, an ex friend I guess. I just got upset.”

Jiho nodded understandingly. “Okay, just checking. I mean—I know it sucks, but as long as you’re not in danger…”

“Yeah, I guess.”

They both fell silent. Jinwoo sipped his tea, burning his tongue a bit since he didn’t wait long enough. The bell above the door chimed softly and they heard Dongwook welcoming the newcomer. Jinwoo’s heart skipped a beat, for a second hoping that it was Mino. But as soon as the person spoke, Jinwoo recognized Seungyoon’s voice.

To Dongwook’s question of “can I help you?” he responded with, “Yeah, uh, I’m looking for someone—I saw him come in here, he’s Song Mino’s, uh… friend—”

Dongwook cut off his rambling with a knowing “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” There was a pause, and Jinwoo held his breath in anticipation. He had no idea what Dongwook might say. Jiho was also tense, ready to get up and intervene if needed.

Thankfully Dongwook seemed to have gotten the right idea from the entire situation. “He’s actually not here right now,” he lied in an apologetic tone.

There was a pause and the next time Seungyoon spoke, his voice was trembling, “Okay, I get it. He doesn’t wanna talk to me. Can you just—please tell him that I-I hope he’s okay and if he could call me when he’s feeling better.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dongwook said.

“Thank you,” Seungyoon muttered. The bell chimed again as he went out.

Dongwook couldn’t leave his work right away to give the message, besides, he knew that the conversation could be heard from where Jiho and Jinwoo were.

The younger sat with Jinwoo in silence for a while longer before they heard the engine of Mino’s bike outside. Soon enough they heard his cheerful greeting, and his voice fading as Dongwook started to tell him the little which he knew about what had happened.

There were footsteps, and before Mino was at the door Jiho had already stood up, giving a greeting before he went out, leaving them alone.

Mino crouched in front of Jinwoo, much like Jiho had, though unlike the other, he rested his hands on Jinwoo’s knees for balance.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked, his gaze searching and filled with worry.

Jinwoo left his mug on the ground by the chair, and helplessly wrapped his arms around Mino’s neck. He didn’t cry this time, he just tried to find comfort in being held, in hiding away in Mino’s embrace.

“It’s not a big deal,” he mumbled. “Just—my ex best friend is dating my current best friend. I wasn’t ready to see him, we… We weren’t on good terms when we separated. I panicked.”

Mino was gently skimming his hair as he listened. “That sounds messy, yeah... This friend, is it possible to talk to him? Like, he hadn’t hurt you somehow?”

Jinwoo shook his head. “We just stopped talking. Honestly, I don’t remember exactly what happened. I—I’ve sort of missed him but—”

“If it’s possible to talk to him, do so. Maybe you can clear things out and see if it’s worth starting over. But friends come and go, sometimes people separate for a reason,” Mino spoke softly, his steady tone was helping Jinwoo relax.

“I know, I know, but this feels like an unresolved conflict more than anything. And it’s so agitating…”

“You can try to resolve it. I know I would want to. But it’ll be okay in the end. You’ll either get your friend back or finally end something that wasn’t good for you anyway.”

Jinwoo sighed and nodded, squeezing Mino a bit before letting go. He wiped his eyes and slowly stood up with Mino following. He was feeling a bit unsteady on his feet, so Mino held him around his waist.

Jinwoo gave a tiny bow of apology. “I’m sorry I caused so much trouble.”

“No reason to be sorry,” Mino said, smiling. “I gotta get to work though, but I’m here if you need me.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jinwoo promised.

“Alright, if you say so.” Mino leaned in and only when Jinwoo did the same did he kiss him.

* * *

Although Jinwoo felt in no way ready to confront Seunghoon, he knew that he needed to talk to Seungyoon as soon as possible. After getting home, it took him a little while to gather the courage and give the younger a call.

When he picked up, he sounded relieved. _“Hyung! Hi—how – how are you?”_

Jinwoo shook his head. He heard the uneasiness in Yoon’s voice and it made his heart ache. “Before you say anything, I need to apologize. I’m sorry for reacting the way I did, I’m sorry I left. I panicked… But I know there’s really no excuse… I’m sorry Yoonie.”

Seungyoon was quick to respond, _“It’s fine really! I wasn’t even—mad or anything, just confused.”_

Jinwoo paused. He’d wanted to explain, but then it occurred to him that perhaps Seunghoon and him had talked already. “…I supposed Seunghoon told you.”

_“Yeah, he did,”_ Seungyoon confirmed.

There was nothing else Jinwoo could think to say, since Yoon knew everything already. “…I’m sorry about what happened at Mino’s shop too. I just—I wasn’t in the state to see anyone. I mean, I didn’t ask Dongwook to lie for me, but still.”

_“Seriously, it’s okay,”_ Yoon cut him off. _“I figured you’d wanna be alone, or with your boyfriend, or whatever. It’s fine.”_

“Yeah…” Jinwoo trailed off.

“I was really looking forward to it too,” he spoke again, to break the silence. “I was so happy that you wanted it to be me you introduce your boyfriend to, but… Yeah, I’m sorry.”

_“Hyung, please stop apologizing,”_ Yoon said. _“I didn’t know, and you didn’t know either—there’s no one to blame really.”_

“Yeah… Yeah,” Jinwoo muttered. He didn’t know what to say next. There was no other way to put off asking either. This entire time something had been on his mind—in fact, it had been on his mind for years and Jinwoo knew it would be selfish of him to ask, but he could no longer hold it in.

“Does he… Is he mad or – I’m sorry, I know it’s not my place to ask, but for years I couldn’t shake the feeling that – he hates me and I can’t do anything about it—”

_“Hyung, hyung, breathe. Hoony doesn’t hate you. He’s just— hurt… and kinda confused.”_

It most definitely wasn’t the appropriate reaction, but Jinwoo couldn’t hold in his huff. “What’s there to be confused about…”

Seungyoon paused, likely trying to find the best way to respond. _“Well, you kinda cut him off with no explanation.”_

Jinwoo frowned. “No, no, I didn’t _cut him off_. We – drifted apart, we stopped talking. And the last time we talked, he seemed pretty angry.” This was a euphemism. Seunghoon had been furious. The last thing Jinwoo remembers of their friendship, was Seunghoon yelling at him.

_“That’s not how he remembers it…”_

“How does he remember it?” Jinwoo was dying to know.

_“He said that things started getting bad when you started dating. That you became distant and wouldn’t talk to him until you completely cut him off. I… probably shouldn’t say this, but he’s told me that he was very worried about you at the time and it hurt him that you wouldn’t listen.”_

“That’s interesting,” Jinwoo muttered. He felt his chest tightening and like he’d soon start hyperventilating.

_“Hyung, breathe. I’m only repeating his words, okay? It’d probably be the best if you two talked.”_

“Probably,” Jinwoo choked out.

_“I could give you his number?”_ Yoon offered.

“Sure thank you—”

_“I’ll send it. And hyung, we’re okay. This whole thing turned out weird, but you and I are okay… Right?”_

Jinwoo sniffled. “Of course we’re okay.”

_“Good,”_ Seungyoon said, clearly relieved _. “Well… Talk to you later. Take care hyungie.”_

“You too Yoon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter for spoilers @gothbftaeil / @VaiShouldShutUp / @voguemodelbbang


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“No one can fight your battles for you, that’s true. You have to figure things out on your own, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some help with it. Even if you don’t want help directly with your problems, you can just let people be there for you, you know?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy

One of the perks of working from home is that one can avoid confrontation easily.

Jinwoo just needed a little time. He wasn’t ready, not yet. And if self care tips had taught him anything it was that he didn’t need to do anything that he wasn’t ready for and he didn’t need to force himself to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with doing.

Following this great piece of advice for preserving one’s mental health, Jinwoo gave himself some time to relax.

The ironic thing was that he ended up using work to relax; he hadn’t been so productive in months. Perhaps it was because he was also using work as a distraction, for three weeks straight telling himself that there was simply too much to be done for him to confront his problems.

He just needed some time for himself, which was why he also couldn’t bring himself to reply to any of his friends’ messages. He wouldn’t know what to say anyway.

His breaking point was the day he’d finished all of the work he’d had piling up. He’d managed to meet deadlines and would have to wait on editor’s words.

And he did try continuing one of his writing projects or start a new, smaller one, but to no avail. His focus was dissolving, there were too many things on his mind.

 

Three weeks later, he was starting to lose it just a bit.

He couldn’t stand being indoors, in the same space, the same apartment, but he also couldn’t stand being outside. He couldn’t stand being alone, but he also couldn’t stand being with people. He wanted help… but he couldn’t ask for it. He didn’t want to bother anyone.

No, he needed to figure this out on his own.

All day long he felt agitated and anxious. He often found himself pacing around, itching to hit something, to somehow inflict some sort of pain upon himself, but he wasn’t the self destructive type, nor did he want to destroy any of his stuff, so he made sure to shove it all deep down and ignore it, never acting on those urges.

 

A week and a half in, Mino had stopped texting him. At first he’d tried talking to Jinwoo, then he’d only tuned in every once in a while with a joke or a song, a funny or amusing event from his day, hoping to cheer Jinwoo up. And perhaps he was hoping that Jinwoo would reply, that he would say _anything_.

But Jinwoo couldn’t talk to him, he couldn’t talk to anyone. Not even Yoon, whose worry was a bit more evident.

 

The day Jinwoo had found himself with no work, he’d tried going out, taking a walk, doing some shopping (because snacks were the only thing keeping him alive at the moment), but nothing helped.

Nothing helped and when Jinwoo arrived home, he only dropped his bags, staggered over to the living room and melted onto the carpet.

He couldn’t breathe. He was choking on the lump in his throat until he finally teared up, from where there was no going back.

There was no use even attempting to stop the tears.

He felt pathetic. He’d cried more in the past few weeks than he had in his entire life.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Jinwoo didn’t remember why he’d even left it on, considering he didn’t want to talk to anyone.

With a sigh, he finally picked it up. Perhaps he was subconsciously hoping that someone would reach out to him.

Even though people had already reached out and he’d shut them down... It was sort of ungrateful on his part. He knew he didn’t deserve the help.

So when he saw the obvious angry tone in Jiho’s messages, he wasn’t surprised.

**[woozico0914] dude I get it youre going through some shit but just one message**

**[woozico0914] Minos freaking out and I really dont want his panic attacks to return**

**[woozico0914] send him literally anything send him a fucking shit emoji just to let him know youre okay**

**[woozico0914] everyones worried about you both**

Everyone else’s approach was gentler, but perhaps Jinwoo needed this one to snap him back to reality. He realized, somewhere through his own misery, that he actually didn’t know anything about Mino’s panic attacks. Was he okay? If Jinwoo had caused Mino’s state to worsen, he would never forgive himself.

He opened their long forgotten chat, and for a while just stared at Mino’s last few messages.

**[realllllmino] please let me know if theres anything i can do**

**[realllllmino] i love you 💙 i hope youre safe**

Reading them over and over again, going a bit earlier in the chat too, Jinwoo found himself teary eyed again.

Crying pathetically on the floor, he decided that he would call Mino. Because he needed to apologize, because he wanted to check up on him and because he needed help. He couldn’t deny it anymore.

But first, he needed to calm down a bit.

Throughout the process, he didn’t move from the floor for a second.

Once he could breathe normally, he finally called his boyfriend.

He’d thought he’d be anxious while waiting for Mino to pick up, but at that point he’d cried so much that he felt like there was truly nothing left.

_“Hyung,”_ the younger sounded breathless.

Jinwoo wanted to say so much. So many questions, apologies and words of reassurance were swarming around his mind that he ended up unable to utter any of them.

He cleared his throat and gave a generic, “Hi.”

_“Are you—Wh—”_ He could hear Mino sighing on the other line. _“Hold on a second.”_ There were sounds of shuffling, a door closing and soon he heard Mino’s voice again. _“I’m really glad you called. I’m very upset with you right now.”_

Jinwoo closed his eyes, feeling small beady tears in the corners of his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. You have all the right to be upset, but I am sorry. I really am,” he spoke quietly.

_“I know, love. I know that you need space too. But I was out of my mind. I mean—I know I might be a little over-attached, but I was really worried. I—I tried not to, but so many scenarios went through my head and—”_

Jinwoo decided to cut him off there and offer the reassurance he’d depraved him off for weeks. “Mino-yah, I’m fine. I promise, I’m okay. I just needed to figure some things out and I thought… I thought that doing it on my own would be the best way around it.”

There was a noise from the other line that Jinwoo could’ve sworn was a sniffle. He’d never heard Mino cry before. _“No one can fight your battles for you, that’s true. You have to figure things out on your own, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some help with it. Even if you don’t want help directly with your problems, you can just let people be there for you, y’know? Or at least, the very fucking least let them know that you’re not in danger or some shit.”_

Jinwoo stayed silent as Mino took deep breaths to calm down.

_“Yeah, that’s it. That’s all I had to say. So… How are you?”_

The answer to that could not be “fine” or anything along the lines of and they both knew it. But they also knew that Mino was merely taking interest in Jinwoo’s wellbeing and there was really no better way to word that.

“I’m… a bit lost, mentally, but otherwise okay.” He paused and sat up. He got hit by a wave of dizziness and he tried to blink it away quickly. “But how are you?”

_“Better now,”_ Mino said. He didn’t let himself stay the subject for too long, immediately moving on, _“Do you need anything? I haven’t—I understand if you need more time, but I miss you.”_

Jinwoo sniffled a bit; he wasn’t as good at reading people and getting through to them as Mino was, so it would be more difficult for him to debunk the situation, but he was determined. He didn’t want to abandon Mino’s health again.

“I miss you too. I’m not… really in the state to go out. If you want, you can come over…?” He offered timidly.

_“That’d be great. I get off in like… two hours? I gotta run back home for a second, I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”_

Jinwoo heaved a deep sigh and closed his eyes, smiling faintly. “Take your time. Thank you Mino. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

_“You’d be fine, hyungie. You’re strong. But I want to be there for you, so you don’t have to do it all alone.”_

Jinwoo bit down on his lower lip. Enough. No more crying. “I love you.”

Mino paused and the next time he spoke, Jinwoo could hear the smile in his voice. _“I love you too. See you soon!”_

* * *

While waiting for Mino to arrive, Jinwoo decided to move. He decided to do anything that would help him feel better, physically at least. He put away the groceries he’d previously dropped in favour of having a mental breakdown, he tidied around the house, he took a shower, washed his hair and picked out a cute outfit.

He didn’t want to move too far from his usual house wear, he didn’t feel like getting all dressed up for a home date and above all, he wanted to be comfortable.

The cute outfit consisted of a pair of sweatpants, a big white sweater and a pair of fuzzy socks.

It was perfect.

 

 

Mino didn’t even say anything when he saw Jinwoo, only embraced him. Jinwoo found himself clinging to the younger, standing at the doorway, both unwilling to move or let go of each other. This hug was what they’d both needed.

When Mino did pull away though, he cupped Jinwoo’s cheeks and placed a very soft kiss to his lips. Then another one. Then he kissed all over his cheeks and nose, and despite everything, these kiss attacks of Mino’s never failed to make Jinwoo smile.

“God, I’ve missed you,” the younger mumbled.

“I’ve missed you too.”

Taking one of Jinwoo’s hands in his own, Mino pressed a few kisses to his wrist, then held it to his chest. “Please, next time you need some space, tell me. I was so worried.” He shook his head.

Jinwoo’s smile melted away and he gave a small nod. “I will. I’m sorry, I just got tangled with everything and I wasn’t really thinking straight…”

Mino leaned in and kissed his forehead, then pulled him in again. “It’s fine. It’s okay, I understand. Just talk to me next time.”

Jinwoo nodded again and sighed. They resumed their hug for a little longer, before Mino pulled back and gently pinched Jinwoo’s cheek. He was smiling. “Now, let’s cheer you up.”

After he’d taken his shoes off and hung up his jacket, Mino took Jinwoo’s hand and led him to the living room.

“I brought snacks,” he was saying as he sat on the couch and placed his backpack in his lap. “Though I suppose doing that gross couple-y cooking together thing could be fun too,” he noted.

Jinwoo giggled, peeking into Mino’s backpack to see what he’d brought. “We can do that tomorrow. For now a bunch of snacks sounds ideal.”

While they roamed through Mino’s backpack to see what they’d be munching first, Jinwoo’s mind kept returning to an important matter that he would have to bring up, and unfortunately break the relaxed atmosphere.

His hand found Mino’s, he shuffled closer and he started playing with his fingers. “Before we start relaxing, I have to ask you something.”

Mino’s smile was faltering, he could hear the sternness in Jinwoo’s voice. “Sure, ask away.”

“Well, it’s actually...” Jinwoo sighed, trying to find the best way to retell the story without making Jiho sound bad. “The reason I called you—The reason I managed to snap out of it and give you a call was a message I received from Jiho...”

“Okay,” Mino prompted him to continue.

“He seemed upset, so I guess he said what he thought would help most, but... He mentioned—he said that you were worried and he mentioned panic attacks..”

Mino’s first reaction was a big sigh.

“He didn’t mean anything bad,” Jinwoo said quickly, trying to cushion the situation.

Mino gave a few nods; he was still letting Jinwoo play with his hand, which was a good sign. “I know that. He’s just looking out for me.” He paused and his features contorted for the briefest moment. “I’m a tiny bit pissed that he felt free to talk about it like that—” After another pause he relaxed again and shook his head. “—but I understand he was freaking out and just wanted to help, so it’s okay.”

“Right. Well, I just wanted to ask you because...” Jinwoo trailed off. He interlocked their fingers, now only holding Mino’s hand in his own. “You’ve been so supportive of me, and so understanding. But I never knew about what troubles you might have.” He glanced up and met Mino’s gaze, as he wanted to show his sincerity. “That was selfish of me and I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I was the cause of your stress and anxiety. I just didn’t know and...”

Mino shook his head and pulled his hand free to be able to hold Jinwoo’s face. “It’s _fine_. I was just worried. And Jiho was worried too so he blew it a bit out of proportion. If I’d truly been hurt I wouldn’t have gotten over this so quickly. Okay?”

Looking up at him with trusting eyes, Jinwoo nodded. “Okay.”

Mino let go, and instead pulled the elder into a tight hug.

But then he sighed, beginning to play with his hair. “I suppose I should tell you though, since I kinda gave you the whole speech about communication and honesty.”

Jinwoo glanced up curiously. “Yeah, you probably should,” he said, even though he was yet to find out what Mino was referring to.

“Jiho may have been overreacting in this case, but he had reason for it. I have—some kind of a panic disorder, I don’t fucking know. It all escalated a year and a bit ago and it was—it was pretty bad. But he was with me through it all and I guess he doesn’t want that stuff to repeat itself.”

Jinwoo was no stranger to anxiety. Although he couldn’t know what it had been like for Mino, he still understood. “I’m glad you weren’t alone through it,” he said. “And you know we can talk about this always; if you need space, if you need proximity—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Mino cut him off, clearly not eager to stay on the topic. To reassure Jinwoo, he added, “I appreciate that. I’d—gone to therapy and all that, I’ve learned to talk about this stuff and communicate my needs and—yeah, you don’t have to worry. I’m fine.” To punctuate his point, he pressed a kiss to Jinwoo’s nose, and then his lips.

And who could stay all serious after so many kisses.

Smiling faintly, Jinwoo muttered an “okay.”

“Now!” Mino said, in a much more cheerful tone. “Other than snacking, what else can we do to cheer up?”

Jinwoo pouted, thinking. “Well—I take care of my looks a lot when I’m trying to cheer up,” he said. “I did that already though... I just haven’t done my makeup, but we don’t have to do that.”

“No, let’s do that. Will you let me practice on you?”

Jinwoo stared at his boyfriend for a long moment of confusion and disbelief. “What?”

“Will you let me practice my makeup skills on you?” Mino repeated.

Jinwoo tilted his head, brows knitted. “You... use makeup?”

Mino giggled, shaking his head a bit. “No, not on myself. Although I’ve had my makeup done a few times, I don’t like wearing it all that much. I was interested in doing it for other people though.”

Jinwoo still stared, unsure what to say.

“What?” Mino questioned, smiling slyly.

“I’m just trying to figure out how this interest came to be.”

Mino raised an eyebrow. “Have you met Dean?”

Remembering the times Jinwoo had hung out with Mino’s friends, he gave a nod. “Alright, it makes sense,” he admitted.

“Seunghyun is the only one who’s escaped him so far. But Dean’s really good at what he does, he can make really subtle looks. Like once he did mine in such a way that you couldn’t even really figure out that I was wearing makeup, I was just even more handsome,” he said the last bit with a joking note and a small flick of his hair.

Jinwoo chuckled and stood up, shaking his head. “Let’s go then. I’ll show you—I haven’t gone through my makeup in a while but, we can see what I’ve got.”

He grabbed Mino by the hand and started dragging him towards his bedroom. The laughter Mino let out then made Jinwoo’s heart flutter and his cheeks flush. He couldn’t believe Mino was actually _that_ excited to see his makeup.

The younger sat on the bed and looked around the room, observing all the details while Jinwoo looked through his drawers. He took out everything he owned and dumped it on the bed, then sat on top of the fluffy covers, with the pile of stuff between him and Mino.

“Well, that’s a lot,” Mino said and started looking through the various products, opening up the bottles to check them out. Despite what he’d picked up from Dean, he still didn’t know what all the things there were.

Jinwoo had a lot of skincare products, but what he had most of were highlighters and lip glosses.

Mino picked a pink lip gloss and opened it. He raised his eyebrows, “It smells nice.”

Jinwoo scooted closer, around all of his makeup. “Oh, yeah, it tastes like cherries too,” he said.

“For real?” Mino asked. “Come here.”

Jinwoo leaned in and parted his lips. He wasn’t sure where to look as Mino gently applied the lip gloss, so he decided to just close his eyes.

What he didn’t expect, once Mino was done, was to feel the younger’s lips on his own. Jinwoo pulled away in surprise, with his cheeks and ears burning. He blinked dumbfoundedly at Mino who was smirking.

He licked his lips, tilting his head. “It really does taste like cherries.”

Jinwoo looked away, balling his fist into the covers.

Mino shifted, moving closer to where Jinwoo was sitting. With the lightest of touches he lifted Jinwoo’s chin and kissed him again. This time Jinwoo didn’t pull away. He allowed Mino to deepen the kiss, to taste the cherry lip gloss off his lips.

Jinwoo’s heart was hammering against his chest, his body beginning to shake. He could hardly hold himself up, but when Mino wrapped his arm around the elder’s smaller frame, he didn’t have to. Jinwoo gave out and let Mino hold him.

As they both shifted, trying to get closer together, one bottle of makeup rolled off the bed and onto the carpet, landing with a tiny _thud_. More makeup products rolled off, followed by more soft _thuds_ , but neither Jinwoo nor Mino seemed to care.

The change in the atmosphere was sudden and sharp, inescapable for the both of them. Mino was quicker to embrace it and go with it, while it still seemed heavy to Jinwoo, who was somewhat resisting it.

He did love it. He loved every touch, Mino’s hands on his bare skin as he pushed Jinwoo’s sweater up; he enjoyed every kiss Mino pressed down Jinwoo’s neck, but instead of a tingling sensation, there was tension in his chest, spreading through his body and in his gut, down where excitement should have been.

Shuddering, Jinwoo’s fingers curled into the front f Mino’s shirt, but instead of pulling him closer, Jinwoo was subconsciously pushing him away.

It wasn’t until Jinwoo’s thighs parted and Mino’s hand was rested on his hip that he winced. Just a quick flinch that Jinwoo was willing to get over and forget.

But Mino wasn’t.

He pulled away so suddenly that it startled Jinwoo. His eyes snapped open and he glanced at Mino in confusion, brows furrowed.

Mino’s hand was rested on the pillow next to Jinwoo’s head, holding himself up that way. With his free hand he gently stroked Jinwoo’s cheek.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now,” he said carefully. His gaze was calculating, as if asking something of Jinwoo, but the elder didn’t understand what.

He merely shrugged. “If you say so.”

Mino frowned at this and sat back, nearly completely detaching himself from Jinwoo. “Yeah, no. This isn’t about whether _I say so_ , it’s about...”

He seemed to be struggling to find the right words and Jinwoo was getting mildly irritated. “What? I really don’t know what you want me to say, Mino.”

Having found his words, Mino ended up being a bit more direct than Jinwoo would have wanted him to be, “You weren’t into it. Just now, you were pushing me away.”

Jinwoo winced away and started to curl up.

Mino’s gaze was heavy on him, and when Jinwoo finally dared look at the younger, there was something resembling disappointment in his expression, but mixed with coolness.

“I’m sorry,” Jinwoo said quickly. In his experience, especially in these situations, it was better to take the blame and move on quickly. “I won’t do that again.”

However the apology did nothing but confuse Mino. “No—what? Hyung, if you weren’t into it you could have told me.”

At that point Jinwoo had his arms wrapped around himself, once again avoiding Mino’s gaze. He unfolded only to quickly pull his sweater over his shoulder before he crossed his arms again. “I didn’t want to make you mad.”

Mino needed a good minute to gather what Jinwoo was telling him. When he spoke, he sounded absolutely devastated, “When have I ever been mad at you?”

Jinwoo’s shoulders tensed up further as he tried to come up with a response. Well, the obvious one was _no_ , given their experience together. But the real question that was only implied was, _are you afraid of me?_

Jinwoo didn’t know. Was he?

He forced himself to look up.

And when he did, Jinwoo didn’t see a threat, or someone he should fear, which was a category he’d had experience with. He only saw Mino, his Mino, miserable and hurt.

And it was his fault.

Jinwoo quickly shook his head, even though minutes had passed since the younger had asked the question.

“Mino, it’s not—it’s not you, it’s—” he stopped there, because he had no explanation. He didn’t know why he was so scared.

Besides, it didn’t matter right now. Right now, he only needed to reassure Mino. “I guess I didn’t say anything because I actually _wanted_ it, but... I don’t know Mino. I don’t know what happened. I just know it wasn’t you.”

Mino sighed in relief, although he was still very obviously tense and upset. “Yeah, well, you should start telling me. Not just about this, in general. I can’t be the only who noticed that you just – you never turn me down.”

“That’s an exaggeration,” Jinwoo shot.

“Yeah it is, it’s a figure of speech,” Mino retorted promptly. “But is it that far from the truth? You never tell me when something is bothering you and I just have to go off of vague cues because, hyung, I don’t want to hurt you. I really don’t. And this – this is serious stuff, if you don’t tell me when something’s not okay, I will end up hurting you.”

“You won’t,” Jinwoo muttered. “You couldn’t.”

“I almost did.” Before Jinwoo could protest, Mino added, “I’m not pitying or doubting myself, by the way. This isn’t about me. I’m just _begging_ you to start _talking_ to me.”

Jinwoo really was usually very in control of his emotions and careful with his words, but perhaps it was all the pent up frustration speaking from him at that point. He scoffed and mumbled, “As if that makes any difference.”

“Yes, it _does_ ,” Mino said, having let out a tiny noise of frustration. “It makes _all_ the difference! It makes the difference between whether I do something or not, you just have to _tell_ me!” He wasn’t yelling, he was merely worked up and trying to get his point across.

And it worked, helping Jinwoo snap out of it.

It was difficult for him to accept, but Mino truly wasn’t like any of his exes. He listened and cared about Jinwoo’s comfort. Each time Jinwoo realized this he was equally as amazed as the previous. And every time he felt horrible for pushing a situation so far before finally realizing the same thing over and over again.

That Mino actually loved him.

“You’re right,” Jinwoo said. “I’m sorry...”

“Don’t apologize. Just, please, don’t be afraid to talk to me. I’ll never be mad at you for telling me that something makes you feel bad.”

Jinwoo nodded. He glanced up at Mino, who was making no move to come any closer, perhaps afraid to make a fatal mistake. So Jinwoo was the one to move, crawling over to place himself into Mino’s arms.

The younger sighed, once again relieved. He pressed a kiss to Jinwoo’s forehead, sitting back against the headboard.

“I love you, silly,” he said.

Jinwoo closed his eyes, pressed a kiss to the feather on Mino’s neck. “I love you too, dum dum.” He paused, then added, “You really didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I’m just—I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“I don’t blame myself, you don’t have to reassure me so much,” Mino said. “But I don’t blame you either.” He let quite the silence stretch out before he even dared mention what he’d known for a little while, but never before thought it was his place to speak of, “I know you’ve had some bad relationships, but—”

Jinwoo shut the conversation down immediately with a sharp, “No.”

“Love...”

“ _No_. I don’t want to talk about them, I don’t want to think about them. There’s nothing to go over, it’s done and I’m with you now.”

Hesitantly, Mino gave another push, “I know, but it kind of looks like—”

“Please stop. You said you’d stop if I asked,” Jinwoo begged, shutting his eyes tightly.

Not that that was what Mino had meant, or that Jinwoo didn’t kind of abuse Mino’s promise, but the younger  was now trapped by his own words that he really didn’t want to argue against.

“I did say that,” he admitted defeatedly. “Fine. But just so you know, some things need to be faced.”

For some reason that last bit stuck with Jinwoo. That simple sentence managed to, in a split second, open his eyes to the fact that his suppression method hadn’t worked as splendidly as it had appeared on the surface...

No.

He refused to think about this right now.

For now he only wanted to be aware of Mino, his scent, his heartbeat that Jinwoo could hear with the way his head was rested on the younger’s chest.


	9. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now he wondered if perhaps “not forcing yourself into anything” merely meant “not facing anything out of fear.”
> 
> It seemed so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning time!**
> 
>  
> 
> Open discussion about sexual assault, panic attacks and even a teeny tiny bit of self harm
> 
> I swear this many dark themes was not my intention. The story just went places

Despite the rest of the night being spent calmly and happily, with Mino and Jinwoo eating in front of the TV and going to sleep together, the elder found himself completely restless.

He was in his favourite pyjamas, under his favourite blanket, head laid on his favourite pillow, with his favourite person holding him – and yet he couldn’t sleep.

He easily lost track of time as he lay, as motionlessly as he could, in the complete darkness. He tried to focus on the sound of Mino’s breathing, his heartbeat. It didn’t work. Jinwoo was awake all the same.

There was some kind of tightness in his throat. He may have been imaging it, but it seemed to be getting worse with every minute.

Jinwoo didn’t want his restlessness and tossing to awake Mino, so he slipped out of the younger’s hold as gently as possible.

With the disappearance of Jinwoo’s warmth, Mino flinched sleepily and felt around the empty space, but he settled a moment after. Only when he was sure that Mino was still asleep did Jinwoo sneak out of the room.

He went to the kitchen, socked feet softly padding across the floor. There Jinwoo poured himself a glass of water, then another. Still, the tightness didn’t leave his throat.

Taking a deep breath, Jinwoo dragged himself to the living room and sat by the window. Looking outside at the distant lights of Seoul, he wondered why this was happening to him. What was he overlooking?

In the darkest moment of his life Jinwoo had done everything and anything he could to make himself feel better. To forget. To leave the past behind and start anew.

He’d latched onto his one and only golden rule of self care: you don’t need to force yourself into anything.

Now, he was wondering if it had all been just a charade.

For one, when he thought a bit about it, Jinwoo wasn’t very diligent in following his own golden rule. In fact, Jinwoo was no stranger to forcing himself into things.

He forced himself to write when he didn’t feel like it, in order to meet deadlines. He forced himself to talk to people when he didn’t want to, because it was crucial for certain arrangements about his job. And thinking way back, he’d forced himself into many more things than he cared to admit.

And now he wondered if perhaps “not forcing yourself into anything” merely meant “not facing anything out of fear.”

It seemed so.

With every relationship ended, Jinwoo would simply lock away the memories and throw away the key. He’d thought that this – not dwelling on the people who were no longer in your life – was quite the mature way of thinking. Why waste your energy on something that was no more?

But maybe it wasn’t so much moving on as it had been running away.

Mino’s words came back to him; _some things need to be faced_.

Perhaps this was what he needed to face.

The thought alone was terrifying. Jinwoo had years’ worth of skeletons in the closet and he wasn’t sure he was ready to dig them all out.

But he knew he had to. Because if he waited until he was ready... He would never do it.

Sometimes you can’t just hideaway behind bubble baths and face masks. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, because they’re necessary for you to feel better in the long run.

Jinwoo stood up to get himself another glass of water. He grabbed a blanket from the couch – he always kept one there just in case – went back to the window and sat down next to it, wrapping himself up in the blanket.

He was hugging his knees, tighter and tighter, trying to bring himself to think about the past, but for a while he still resisted it.

Let’s start slow, he told himself.

For starters he thought about his most recent ex. Then the other, and the other. Then he started to think about some of the nice moments they’d shared. Then the memories started unwinding and before long there was no going back.

His head was thrown into chaos. It felt as if the world around him was crashing and burning. But in reality it was only him, sitting in the quiet living room silently by the window. He wasn’t even physically reacting to what he was seeing in his mind, but it felt like the end of the world.

That was, until he teared up.

Jinwoo touched under his eyes once he felt the first tear roll down his cheek. He stared at his shining fingertips until they started to blur with more tears coming.

The chaotic movie playing out in his mind was approaching Jinwoo’s most dreaded memories; all the unwanted touches and ignored pleas.

He was losing his breath. At first Jinwoo tried to stifle his sobs in fear of waking up his sleeping boyfriend.

But gradually he completely lost control.

He wanted to scream. He felt dirty, he wanted to rip his skin off.

“Hyung...”

Jinwoo’s head shot up. Mino looked exhausted. He was barely keeping his eyes open and he had dark circles under them. Had he always been this thin? The dim lights from outside cast treacherous shadows on his bare torso in such a way that made him look sick.

He kneeled in front of Jinwoo, resting his hands on his knees.

“Breathe, love.”

“I – can’t—”

“You can. Hey—Stop that,” Mino muttered and reached out. He wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been worried. He took Jinwoo by the wrists and pulled his hands from his arms.

Jinwoo hadn’t even realized that he’d been digging his nails into his skin, arms crossed over his chest. When Mino pried his hands away, Jinwoo saw that his forearms were all scratched up; and he was _horrified_.

Seeing this, Jinwoo only started hyperventilating more.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s alright,” Mino said quickly. “Just look at me. You’re okay.”

“It’s not okay. I’m not—”

Somehow Mino knew exactly what to do. He knew not to touch Jinwoo other than his hands, he knew what to say that would get through to him, he knew how to help him breathe again. Later Jinwoo would make the connection to what Mino had said about having gone to therapy and learning to cope with his anxiety.

It helped. It took time, but Jinwoo managed to breathe again eventually. By the time he did, the sky was fading from an inky black to a veily violet and the stars no longer matched the city light’s brightness – sunrise was only hours away.

When Jinwoo was only staring blankly in front of himself, not crying or struggling to breathe, Mino asked if he could pick him up.

At first Jinwoo wasn’t so sure, but then he realized that at the same time he wanted to be in his bed and felt like he couldn’t move. Being carried didn’t sound so bad then.

Mino scooped him up from the floor and Jinwoo was relieved to find the touch soothing rather than unwanted. Mino carried the Jinwoo-plus-blanket-bundle bridal style to the bedroom and gently placed him on top of the messy sheets that Mino had gotten out of. He kissed Jinwoo’s forehead and promised that he’d be back soon.

Jinwoo wasn’t sure where Mino had gone. He could hear noises from the kitchen but didn’t bother check what the younger was doing. He just curled up under his blanket and harshly pulled his sleeves down so he wouldn’t have to look at himself.

The smell of chocolate reached Jinwoo moments before Mino walked back into the room. Jinwoo felt the bed shift when he sat down, and he slowly unwound and sat up.

Mino was offering him a cup of hot chocolate with a few marshmallows swimming on the surface.

With a sigh, Jinwoo took the mug and leaned into the younger, trusting him to support his weight. They sat in silence for a little while, for as long as it took Jinwoo to finish his hot chocolate.

Placing the mug on the nightstand, Jinwoo wiggled into a position opposite of Mino.

“I think I owe you some type of explanation,” he said.

“It’s okay,” Mino replied tiredly.

Jinwoo’s gaze softened and he reached out to play with Mino’s hand. “You always say that and it means to world to me. But it’s not always okay. You deserve to know.”

To this, Mino didn’t respond.

Jinwoo took a deep breath before he began,

“You were right. Some things need to be faced.”

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Mino interrupted quickly. “I never would have said that if I’d known it would hurt you this much.”

Jinwoo shook his head and gave Mino’s hand a light squeeze. “No, no, you were _right_. I’ve been running from it for too long and, wouldn’t you know it, when you just push problems under the rug they don’t magically disappear. I had to… go to some places I’d hoped never to return to, but I had to, in order to understand.”

He paused and let go of Mino’s hand, now fidgeting with the fabric of his pajamas. “The thing is... My past relationships had been failures and it’s left some sort of impact on me. Clearly…” He shook his head. “In the past, I'd been so pathetically lonely that I'd clung onto anyone who’d showed the slightest bit of interest in me and I called it love. I’d given so much of myself to people who didn't deserve it and got less than nothing in return. And that's what I started to expect from everyone. Even from you…”

Mino looked to the side and played with his lip piercing while thinking, before nodding once. “Yeah, I figured that much myself. But because there’s no point of me saying that _I’m not like other guys_ , I’ve tried to show it.”

Jinwoo smiled faintly, a bit bitterly perhaps. “Yeah… That— that scared me. Ironic right? I had no idea how to act faced with genuine kindness. I just didn’t want to get hurt again. So, I thought I’d simply push you away first and trick faith.”

Mino’s smile was a sad one as well. “It’s a good thing I didn’t give up on you, huh?”

Jinwoo’s breath hitched and he needed a second to calm himself, to prevent himself from tearing up. He was sick of crying. Even if he would be crying in relief, or happiness, he was sick of it.

“Yeah. Lucky me,” he muttered.

He sighed and leaned in, easily curling himself up in Mino’s side. The younger held him and they both enjoyed a moment of peace before Jinwoo perked up, remembering something else.

“Oh, also, earlier you’ve raised some interesting points about me not turning anything down, so I’ve thought about that too and…” Jinwoo paused, trying to find the best way to word what he’d come up with. His experiences with his past boyfriends had been odd to say the least and it was difficult to express how he now felt about it.

“It’s not that I can’t say no. It’s that… In the past, when I used to say it, it didn’t really mean anything. So, since it never made a difference, at some point I just stopped saying it.” He shrugged. To Jinwoo, it was just another one of those things he had locked up  a long time ago and had now faced, hoping for things to get better.

But when he glanced at Mino, Jinwoo saw his horrified expression.

“What?” Jinwoo asked nervously.

“Love,” Mino said as gently as he possibly could. “If they ignored your no during intercourse, that’s rape.”

Jinwoo’s reaction may have been a bit sudden. He flinched away, covered his ears and closed his eyes. “What!? No! Don’t say that!”

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Mino was saying. “I just don’t think you realize—”

“No, _you_ don’t realize! Come on—it couldn’t have been – _that_ – they were my boyfriends!”

“Jinwoo. It doesn’t matter what the person is to you.”

Jinwoo shook his head and got off the bed. He started pacing the room, still shaking his head, still trying to deny what he’d known for years.

He simply never wanted to name it.

Because he didn’t want to feel like he was broken.

He stopped pacing and looked down at his hands. He sighed and went back to the bed. He curled up by Mino again and closed his eyes.

“I’ve faced too much of my past tonight. I think I want to run from this a bit longer. At least for tonight,” Jinwoo whispered.

It wasn’t an ideal solution. It was barely a solution, but it worked, just for that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to have some fluff in the next chapter :')


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next thing he knew his dimple was being poked and it made Jinwoo giggle, slow and hazy as he still wasn’t fully awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Open letter to Rei and Bei:  
> Dear Rei and Bei,  
> I am so sorry I haven't included you in fic centered around your Jinwoo. I have a bad memory. I will correct my mistake in future chapters.  
> Forgive me,  
> Vai  
> ~  
> That being said, this story is approaching its end. I'm thinking of including another small arc alongside the untangling of things, but I'll have to find my way around it first. I hope everyone's enjoyed the story so far <3

It was somewhat of an odd feeling, waking up next to another person.

A person you actually wanted to wake up next to, that is.

Jinwoo couldn’t see Mino the way he was being held. He had his back pressed to Mino’s torso, with the younger’s arm loosely wrapped around his waist.

But Jinwoo wanted to see him.

As soon as he came to, as soon as the sun stopped hurting his eyes, he slowly started to move. Very carefully not to awake Mino, he rolled over to face him.

Once he could see Mino’s sleeping face, Jinwoo smiled. He looked so peaceful. Jinwoo raised his hand and slowly traced his fingertips over Mino’s cheekbones and his lips, before settling on is jaw. Jinwoo leaned in to give him a sleepy kiss on the lips, then another. He kept going, gentle and slow until Mino started to stir. He opened one eye and the look he gave Jinwoo was nothing short of smug.

“Anything you want, dear?”

He only replied with a smile. The next thing he knew his dimple was being poked and it made Jinwoo giggle, slow and hazy as he still wasn’t fully awake.

“ _Stop_ ,” he whined, attempting to swat Mino’s hand away, but not only did he not move away; he cupped Jinwoo’s cheek and kissed his nose, then his cheek and both of his dimples.

Mino then wordlessly embraced him, that way Jinwoo liked most, when he was completely tucked away and hidden in his boyfriend’s arms.

This way, Jinwoo fell asleep again.

 

When he woke up the next time, the sky didn’t seem as white and as painful to look at. The rays were much softer, playing with the curtain that was swaying in the breeze.

Jinwoo stretched, letting out a high pitched squeal-like noise as he did. Then he sat up and looked around, disoriented, realizing quickly that he was alone in the bed. However, there was music coming from outside the bedroom.

Jinwoo slid out of bed and approached the mirror in his room to check if he looked like too much of a disaster. Taking a squinty look at his reflection he found that he didn’t look disastrous at all; he was only hoping that Mino would also think that his amount of messy hair and sleepy eyes was cute.

Before heading to the kitchen Jinwoo went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face so that he didn’t look _that_ dead.

He then padded into the kitchen where he was met with an adorable sight of a dancing Mino making coffee. There were pastries from the nearby bakery on the small dining table.

Mino didn’t notice Jinwoo at first and the elder took advantage of it. He took this opportunity to watch Mino when he was most carefree, singing along to a song playing from his phone. He was doing an improvised and restrained dance, since he was holding two coffees that he was trying not to spill, but it still looked relaxed and above all, he seemed to be having fun.

But at some point he had to turn around. Mino got so startled, he nearly dropped both their coffees.

“Woah! Hey there sneaky boy,” he greeted, placing the two mugs safely on the table at last.

He then stood there, with his hands on his bare hips, pouting. “You saw that,” he stated.

Jinwoo covered his amused little smile. “Yeah… You’re cute.”

Shaking his head, Mino took the few steps separating them and embraced Jinwoo. “Yeah? Well, you’re cuter.”

“Shut up,” Jinwoo immediately counter-offered, but he had to admit, he was quite weak for Mino’s kisses, kisses he was currently pressing down Jinwoo’s neck.

Mino pulled away soon though, took Jinwoo’s hands and pressed kisses to his knuckles.

“Let’s eat,” he mumbled. “I can’t cook, like you, but I have money which is just as good.”

Jinwoo chuckled quietly and moved towards one of the chairs, but… seeing Mino sit down, he decided to be a smartass and invite himself right into the younger’s lap.

Not that Jinwoo was expecting it, but thankfully, Mino didn’t complain. In fact he wrapped his arm around Jinwoo’s waist, giving his side gentle caresses every now and again. This way he only had one hand to eat with, but still, Mino didn’t mind one bit.

 

After breakfast there was a lazy morning spent mostly on the couch, with Jinwoo lying flat on top of Mino and with some teen flick playing aimlessly on the TV.

Jinwoo was tracing his fingertips over the letters on Mino’s skin, the blue rose on his shoulder. Now Jinwoo could finally do so with no restraint, and he made sure to make the best of it.

Although, he did question Mino about whether he was cold, but he only responded with squish-hugging Jinwoo close to him and saying, “How can I be cold when I have you to keep me warm?” to which Jinwoo would have to start whining loudly for Mino to let go.

He was also relieved to see that in the light of day Mino actually looked healthy, even though slim. Still, that didn’t mean Jinwoo wouldn’t take care of him. It only meant that he didn’t need to worry.

Jinwoo had his head rested on Mino’s chest when he unfortunately remembered that real life out of their embrace existed, and was made to let out a heavy sigh.

“What is it?” Mino asked, bringing his hand up to stroke Jinwoo’s hair.

“Seunghoon,” Jinwoo muttered. “I still need to talk to him. And… I think I actually know what to tell him now.”

“Well, that’s good,” Mino said. “Don’t stress too much about it. Say your thing and hear him out. Make sure to listen to his point of view too. You’ll see if things can be mended, if not, at least you’ll have cleared it up. It will be okay either way, like I told you.”

Jinwoo nodded slowly. “Yeah...” He closed his eyes and nuzzled Mino. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to stay in the moment, but I can’t get it off my mind.”

“It’s okay,” Mino assured. “It’s been an awfully long moment. I guess it gets hard to stay focused.”

 

As it turned out Mino was in no hurry to leave just as Jinwoo was in no hurry to see him off. That is how Jinwoo ended up in his lap, phone in hand, relying his whole sanity on Mino’s touch.

Jinwoo had his and Seunghoon’s empty chat open, and he kept typing up and deleting possible ways to start the conversation.

“Just say you need to talk in person,” Mino advised. “Figure out the rest later.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jinwoo muttered, deleting yet another message. “I doubt you’ve ever fought with your best friend to the point where you didn’t speak for years.” Jinwoo sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“We haven’t, that’s true,” Mino confirmed. “But we still fight, it’s just... more physical.”

Jinwoo turned a bit to give Mino a concerned look. “Do I even want to know?”

The younger grinned. “Sometimes both Pyo and I want the last donut and there’s only one way to solve that.”

“I assume it isn’t diplomacy.”

“No, it is not.”

Jinwoo smiled, but soon turned back to his phone and the chat that was still empty. Mino always advised to be straightforward. Maybe it really was the best way to go this time.

**[xxjjjwww] Hey, it’s Jinwoo**

**[xxjjjwww] We should talk, in person**

Jinwoo’s heart rate started to increase while he was typing the messages, and when they were both sent, he felt his heartbeat echo around his skull.

Mino took the phone away from him and put it on the coffee table, then lay back down on the couch with Jinwoo in his arms. It seemed that Mino was planning on distracting Jinwoo from the dreadful wait of an answer.

The distraction came in the form of many kisses, which Jinwoo didn’t mind at all. He was once again lying on top of Mino, eyes closed and letting the younger surprise him every time. Will it be a kiss on the cheek? On the nose? On the lips? He never knew.

When his phone buzzed, Jinwoo jumped up in such a way that he nearly kneed Mino in the crotch; thankfully he moved out of the way on time, which didn’t stop him from crying out as if he was actually hurt.

Jinwoo only spared him a glance before gluing his eyes to the screen.

After this Mino dropped his act and instead pouted sadly. “I see how it is..”

Jinwoo ignored the sulking – for now.

**[maetamong] i guess so**

Jinwoo took a moment to let himself breathe with relief. He couldn’t guess why Seunghoon had agreed so promptly, and he figure it was useless to ponder. He should just be grateful that things were moving.

**[xxjjjwww] Is today too soon?**

Jinwoo chewed on his bottom lip, still looking at the screen. He heard Mino moving, and soon felt his arms around his waist – he seemed to have stopped sulking.

Mino slightly tugged Jinwoo towards himself, perhaps offering some more distracting from the wait, when Seunghoon’s username popped up to signify that he’d read the message. Then the three bubbles appeared and Jinwoo stared at them, and Mino stopped trying to get Jinwoo to drop the phone, instead patiently resting his chin on the elder’s shoulder.

**[maetamong] 6pm? at Yoon’s cafe**

**[xxjjjwww] Works for me**

Seunghoon _seened_ this message.

 

Finally wearing a shirt once again – but also his boots and jacket and with his backpack on one shoulder – Mino stood in the hallway, somewhat reluctant to let go of Jinwoo’s hands.

“You sure you’ll be okay?”

Jinwoo nodded, gently nudging Mino’s cheek with his nose. “I’m sure. You’ve helped me a lot today, but I can and honestly, I think that I have to do this one alone.”

Mino nodded once. “You’re right, I suppose. I’m always here though.”

“I know,” Jinwoo said, lips curling into a kittenish smile. Then he tiptoed for Mino to kiss him goodbye, and he saw his boyfriend off.

* * *

Sitting at the cafe, Jinwoo kept checking his phone for the time. He’d arrived early, which was unlike him, and was now at the edge of his nerves. Despite knowing full well that he was early and that he should give Seunghoon some time, Jinwoo couldn’t help being anxious, feeling like Seunghoon wouldn’t show up.

However, very soon it turned out that Seunghoon wasn’t bailing and Jinwoo genuinely wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

Hands in his pockets, the younger pulled up a chair for himself by hooking a foot to the chair leg. He dropped himself onto it, and for quite a while didn’t even look at Jinwoo.

Jinwoo cupped his hands around his cup of tea, tapping his foot anxiously. “Hi,” he greeted in the end.

He hadn’t once looked away from Seunghoon, who was still looking away. That was, until he heard the greeting and felt compelled to respond with a “hi” of his own.

“How – how’ve you been?” Jinwoo then said, only to avoid more silence that made his insides twist.

To this poor attempt at small talk, Seunghoon reacted surprisingly mildly – he smiled.

“Good, good...” He sat up a bit and placed his palms flat on the table. “You said we should talk. Let’s not beat around the bush.”

Jinwoo cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, I guess we shouldn’t.”

As he had been the one to call upon the talk, he was expected to speak first. That didn’t mean that he was prepared for it though, and he still took some time to find a way to begin.

“I want to hear your side of the story,” he said at last. “I’ve replayed the memories in my mind so many times and I’m always left with many blank spots and things that simply don’t make sense. So... I thought we should clear things up.”

Listening to this, Seunghoon’s brows furrowed in dissatisfaction. Perhaps he was expecting an apology right off the bat, and while Jinwoo had been planning something similar, in the last moment he’d realized that he didn’t want to give shallow apologies before he fully understood the situation and Seunghoon’s feelings.

The younger shifted, sat back in his chair and once again hid his hands in his pockets. For a moment he seemed angry, like he didn’t want this discussion to be taking place. Like he wanted to take what’s his and leave.

However after more silence – during which Jinwoo wanted so badly to sip his tea but he felt it would be rude to do so – Seunghoon’s shoulders relaxed, a startlingly noticeable change in his posture, and he sighed.

“Sure,” he said. Seunghoon had realized that this approach might be good after all; he was ready to give his version of the story in an explosive reveal and finally get his apology once he made Jinwoo realize that he’d been wrong.

But just as he was beginning to speak, he was met with the kind of insecurity that he could recognize in Jinwoo – missing points, incomplete memories and unreliable recollections. What if he too was wrong?

“I just know that everything changed after you started dating that guy,” Seunghoon said with a shake of his head. “I felt like I was losing you, you never wanted to see me anymore, we hardly even talked.

“But I thought that I was just jealous and for the most part I didn’t do anything about it because I didn’t want to ruin your happiness.

“Except that you weren’t happy, and it showed. That’s when I changed my approach and started to speak up, even if it wasn’t my place, but I guess you weren’t ready to hear that. And you pushed me away harder than before.” Seunghoon shrugged.

Jinwoo had placed his tea down and had the heel of his palm pressed to his forehead. Envisioning everything over again from this perspective, he saw where his mistake had been, one that was more or less responsible for every other that eventually led to him being completely isolated for quite a few years.

“I guess you don’t remember it that way,” Seunghoon prompted, beginning to feel uncomfortable in the silence.

Jinwoo’s gaze snapped up and he smiled bitterly. “I didn’t. But it makes sense now. I... I remember you standing in the way of my relationship. You, my other friends, uni, my interests, anything really. I didn’t realize that it was the other way around.”

Seunghoon didn’t know what to say to this. Pressing his lips together he looked away, feeling some of his anger that he’d kept for years dissolve. He’d been so disappointed and devastated with the loss of his friend that he didn’t stop to think about what it was that led to them parting ways; the relationship that everyone but Jinwoo saw was no good for him.

“But how did it end?” Jinwoo asked, and Seunghoon thought he heard his voice crack.

“Oh yeah,” he muttered with a frown. Undoubtedly they were both thinking of the last time they... spoke.

That one event that stuck around with Jinwoo, making him believe that Seunghoon hated him.

“I just know you were mad at me,” Jinwoo said. “I don’t even remember what happened.”

“Right,” Seunghoon muttered, sitting up a bit. “Well, I wasn’t mad, I was... hurt. And worried. And I kind of snapped and... I didn’t exactly convey my emotions the way I’d wanted. It was after the dude outed you. I thought, after that, there’s no way you’d stay with him. But you did and I—wanted to give you a piece of my mind I guess.”

He froze up as if only now understanding his words. Seunghoon shook his head. “That was a mistake. I should have talked to you. I’m sorry.”

Jinwoo didn’t expect this. He’d come there to give an apology, not to receive one. Subconsciously, as he often did when he got the heavy and tight feeling around his heart, he started rubbing at his chest, as if that would help.

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice nearly gone at that point. “You were right, I should have listened to you. I could have avoided all of this, but I was stupid. I just wanted someone to love me.”

Of course, in retrospect Jinwoo knew that even back then he was loved, he just didn’t recognize it; his insecurities prevented him from seeing love from his friends. Perhaps if back then he’d known someone like Mino and Pyo, or Hyoseob and Seunghyun, he would have been able to understand that one doesn’t need a romantic relationship to be loved or fulfilled.

Even after his horrible relationships, it was a lesson that took him years to learn.

“You can’t really blame yourself either,” Seunghoon said. “That’s messy stuff and you got caught up with it in a bad moment in your life.”

“I guess so,” Jinwoo said.

For a little while neither of them spoke. They both seemed to get lost in the dimmed chatter of the people around them and the sounds of coffee brewing.

Then Jinwoo heard the creaking of a chair and Seunghoon was no longer in his seat opposite of him. He took that one step around the small table and threw his arms around Jinwoo, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

Breathless, Jinwoo wrapped his arms around his old friend in an embrace he’d thought he would never return to.


	11. XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoony and Jinwoo contemplated joining Dean and Seunghyun in eating ungodly amounts of candy, but as it turned out the two had joined Dongwook, Jiho and a terrified Hyoseob on the rollercoaster after having eaten their cotton candy.
> 
> Hoony and Jinwoo deduced that at least three people in that group would be throwing up as soon as the ride ended, and that they didn’t want to be there to see that. So, they moved along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Paige <3

Seunghoon and Jinwoo spent the entire afternoon just catching up with each other. There was so much of each other’s lives they’d missed out on due to not talking.

Jinwoo got to hear the story of how Yoon and Hoony met and how they started to date, from Seungyoon’s perspective. Hearing all of it did leave Jinwoo with quite a bit of guilt gripping at his heart, even though Hoony reassured him.

They touched upon Jinwoo’s own relationships. Hoony was horrified to hear that Jinwoo’s college boyfriend wasn’t the only one who’d mistreated him; he was horrified to hear that Jinwoo’s experience with abuse had repeated a few times until he’d finally taken some time to himself.

Even though Hoony had expressed concern, Jinwoo shied away from revealing to him the true extent of the abuse he’d experienced. In fact, it was exactly that concern why Jinwoo didn’t want to tell him right away, he didn’t want to worry Seunghoon even more.

Instead Jinwoo talked about his new boyfriend and all the wonderful things he’d brought into his life. Hoony was happy to listen to this as well.

At some point they left the café, having decided to surprise Seungyoon by visiting, telling him that they’d made up.

Seungyoon was overjoyed. He hugged them both, telling them over and over how happy he was that they had reunited; he even teared up, which Jinwoo and Hoony found funny considering neither of them had cried during their reconciliation.

And Jinwoo, well, he found himself amidst a storm of nostalgia. Only a few years ago he was all alone, freshly broken up, hadn’t talked to his best friend for a while then, with his family having turned their backs on him, jumping from one unstable job to another.

Now, everything was different. He didn’t believe that love or a relationship, or _that one person_ can fix one’s entire life—not ever since he’d learned his lesson about it at least—but somehow it did seem that Mino had been the catalyst for all the recent, good changes in his life.

It was after he met Mino that Jinwoo met Seungyoon, was introduced to Mino’s friends and started going out more. It was thanks to them that he learned so much about himself, about love. He wouldn’t have dared face himself and consequentially grown so much if it wasn’t for Mino.

Of course, a lot of those positive changes couldn’t be credited to Mino or his presence in Jinwoo’s life, but Jinwoo liked to believe that the Universe had wanted it that way.

 

One thing that didn’t exactly change from his time before Mino was the instability of Jinwoo’s job.

His profession was just like that; at times there was no work, other times there was so much work Jinwoo didn’t have the time to breathe.

He’d learned to function this way, to keep finding translating or teaching jobs here and there, none permanent, but enough for him, who lived alone and had only himself to take care of. And frankly, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

However, some weeks after his and Hoony’s making up, Jinwoo’s writing became a little bit more than a hobby.

He didn’t think much of it, he knew he wouldn’t make a fortune off his short stories, but ever since Mino had, after so much begging and pleading, gotten to read a story or two, Jinwoo had been thinking about trying to have them published.

It was Mino’s reaction that encouraged him; it was seeing how genuinely amazed he was, and him asking to show them to his friends. They’d reacted in a similar fashion, and them reading his stories even sparked a long conversation between him, Dongwook and Seunghyun, that stretched out far into the night.

Lastly Jinwoo showed some of his works to Seungyoon and Seunghoon, Hoony being the one who had a similar amount of education on the matter as him. Hoony’s critique was surprisingly gentle, while still helpful.

It was after all of this that Jinwoo decided he wanted to put his stories out there, to share them with whoever would read, even if it doesn’t end up a big number of people.

Him and Hoony then started working on finding a publisher.

 

And here he was, with his first ever published book. It was a cause for celebration.

Jinwoo wanted to keep it lowkey, so he threw a small party at his place—he couldn’t remember the last time he’d invited that many people to his apartment, probably never, considering he’d never had that many friends.

He was in front of the mirror when the doorbell rang, throwing one last glance at his outfit and makeup; it was nothing glamorous since he did say he wanted the celebration to be lowkey, but he still wanted to dress up a little, so he wore his nicest jeans and his favourite pink sweater and a white choker with a small rose. To match his sweater, he’d put on a pink highlighter, the one Mino liked.

It was still too early to expect anyone else, and Jinwoo knew this was Mino at the door.

He skipped over to the door, heart beating with expectation of whether Mino would like his look for the night—which was silly of him considering Mino never failed to compliment him, even when they were sitting on the couch in their pyjamas, with zero effort having been put into their looks.

Jinwoo noticed something was off the moment he opened the door.

 Mino’s leather jacket was zipped all the way up and let’s just say he looked like he was unskilfully trying to smuggle snacks into a movie theatre. Furthermore, he didn’t even approach Jinwoo to give him a kiss, which was something he never missed out on, especially when Jinwoo was all dressed up.

“Hey babe,” Mino chirped, walking in. “I came early, cause, well, I brought you a gift.”

Jinwoo shook his head, crossing his arms after he’d closed the door. “You’re making a much bigger deal out of this than I’d wanted it to be!”

Mino only smiled sheepishly. “I know, I know, but in my defense this is something I would’ve gotten you either way—it’s just that now I have a reason for it.”

“Oh yeah? And what did you want to get for me?” Jinwoo questioned. He fully expected Mino to pull out a bag of cheetos and for that to be it.

But then his jacket meowed.

Hold on a second.

_Meowed?_

There it was again, the unmistakable sound.

Mino pressed his lips together in a restrained smile. “Well...”

He unzipped his jacket only to reveal two Sphynx cats in each of his inner pockets.

Jinwoo didn’t know what to do. He only grinned like a fool, unable to move or even say anything. Except that then he realized what a silly scene this was; Mino, a grown man had two cats in the pockets of his badass biker jacket.

It made Jinwoo burst out laughing. “You are _insane_!”

Mino only shrugged again, now smiling victoriously.

“I just—remembered how you loved Johnny when you first met her and mentioned that you want a cat of your own, so...”

 

It was true. Jinwoo had met Johnny when he first went to Mino’s place. It had been kind of unplanned. He’d been feeling down, it had been one of those moods where he was simply too trapped in his own head, having been away from any human interaction for too long, drowning in all his troubles.

He’d decided to, instead of hiding himself away, spend some time with people who would understand that his mood wasn’t the best, and would be willing to keep him some company for him to feel better.

His mind had first darted to Mino, Yoon and/or Hoony, of course. But seeing as at that point he hadn’t seen Mino in a while and had been missing him dearly, while he’d seen Yoon and Hoony just the day before, he’d called Mino.

However, it happened that Mino at the time had been spending time with Pyo, because them too had been too busy to hang out, despite living together.

Jinwoo hadn’t wasted time feeling bad; unlike in the past, he now had friends he could rely on other than his boyfriend. But then Pyo had stepped out, saying that he didn’t mind sharing his Mino time with Jinwoo.

It had been a very sweet gesture, and Jinwoo in turn had said that he wouldn’t mind doing whatever the two had had planned.

This was Jinwoo’s first time visiting Mino’s home and meeting Johnny the cat. It was also the time he truly got to know Mino’s qpp, whom he didn’t usually talk much with when it was the whole gang hanging out.

Needless to say, Jinwoo had felt a lot better after visiting.

 

He couldn’t believe this event inspired Mino so much.

“So, based on my one comment, you got me _two_ cats?”

“Well, I was going to get only one—but babe, you should have seen them! See, when I went to adopt, I knew I’d have to get you a hairless cat cus you’re allergic. But they were the only Sphynx cats they had and—they were all cuddled up, keeping each other warm.. I didn’t have the heart to separate them, so I had to adopt both.”

Jinwoo listened to the tale with his arms crossed, but by the end he was smiling even more than he already was.

“You did well, Mino-yah. I wouldn’t have wanted you to separate the kitties,” he said and walked over, to finally get his long awaited kiss, though he had to be careful of the cats still in Mino’s pockets.

It was at moments like this that Jinwoo wondered how he could have ever considered Mino intimidating or in any way scary. Mino was nothing but a sweetheart who loved cats and giving kisses to his boyfriend.

They didn’t take the two cats out of Mino’s jacket before they were in the living room, where they sat on the carpet and Jinwoo helped put them on the ground. Mino went to hang his jacket but very soon he was back, looking at the kittens who were a bit disoriented in the new surroundings.

 

Rei and Bei – which were the names Jinwoo chose for the kittens – ended up being the stars of his party that night. All the guests completely ignored the existence of chairs and were sat on the floor, watching and cooing, and of course, eating all the food in Jinwoo’s house.

Jinwoo’s friends were decent enough not to pester the kitties, not to overwhelm them with the attention when they were still getting used to their new home.

 Needless to say, it was more than a successful celebration.

* * *

One of Jinwoo’s favourite things was when his and Mino’s friends all got together to hang out. Often in those situations he caught a quiet moment to himself, just watching everyone having fun and interacting. In those moments he got lost in everyone’s buzzing and chattering, a soothing opposite to the silence that had been surrounding him for years of his life.

It was one of those moments. Him and Mino, Mino’s gang and Hoony and Yoon all got together to go to a carnival. The weather was getting warmer, though the breeze was still chilly in the evening.

Jinwoo shuddered, pulling Mino’s jacket tighter around himself. He looked around at the colourful lights that hurt his eyes, the freefall rides towering over him.

He then lowered his gaze to find his friends who were scattered around. On one side Jiho and Dongwook were trying to force Hyoseob onto a rollercoaster. On the other, Dean and Seunghyun were looking at the display of candy, finally deciding to get themselves two cotton candy each. And not far from Jinwoo, Pyo, Mino and Seungyoon were standing in a triangle, discussing fiercely. Seunghoon was there, standing to the side, mostly looking bored.

He caught Jinwoo looking at them and pressed his lips together into a smile that displayed exaggerated suffering. Jinwoo smiled back, beginning to walk over. Seunghoon met him halfway, and easily looped his arm with Jinwoo’s.

“We ought to get away from there,” he said.

“Why?” Jinwoo asked, looking back at the three, who were beginning to walk, although quite aimlessly. They moved about a meter before they just stood again, continued talking.

“What are they even talking about?” Jinwoo added.

“Photography,” Seunghoon unveiled. “Guess they’re having fun, but I wasn’t, so I figured we’d go do something else.”

Hoony and Jinwoo contemplated joining Dean and Seunghyun in eating ungodly amounts of candy, but as it turned out the two had joined Dongwook, Jiho and a terrified Hyoseob on the rollercoaster after having eaten their cotton candy.

Hoony and Jinwoo deduced that at least three people in that group would be throwing up as soon as the ride ended, and that they didn’t want to be there to see that. So, they moved along.

They walked around the large space, trying to find something to do. At a large carnival, you’d think it’d be easy for two fools to find some fun, but you’d be wrong. Jinwoo and Seunghoon were men of refined tastes and needed something exquisite to entertain them.

They eyed the bumper cars. Perhaps later.

And then Seunghoon spotted it. The claw machine filled with the cutest stuffed animals both of them had ever seen.

They ran over and like a couple of kindergarteners pressed their palms and noses to the glass, trying to pick out the largest, cutest plushies for themselves; and for their boyfriends.

After Seunghoon picked out a penguin for himself and a seal for Yoon, Jinwoo was still struggling to find the perfect thing for himself. He’d already picked a cheetah for Mino, but for himself... he wasn’t sure.

“I want the purple panda,” Jinwoo decided in the end.

Seunghoon squinted. “I don’t see a panda.”

Jinwoo pointed at hints of a purple ear and a white head, with an eye with more purple around it, poking out in one of the corner with many toys already on top of it.

Hoony whistled. “How do you plan on getting it out? It’s pretty buried.”

“Many tries, I guess,” Jinwoo said, already reaching for his pockets to get the money.

It took him only two tries to get the tiger. Then Jinwoo set out for his panda, but kept failing. After all, he did have to get a few toys out of the way first. Seunghoon then complained how his toys would get buried by Jinwoo’s attempts and insisted he got them out before Jinwoo continued his quest.

It took Seunghoon a few times but soon he stood by Jinwoo with two large plushies in his arms, watching Jinwoo struggle.

By the time he got his panda out, he was nearly out of money, but Jinwoo had his giant panda, he was hugging it and he was happy.

He transferred the cheetah from one hand into the other in order to check how much money he had left. “Yeesh. This was quite the trip,” he trailed off, zipping the pocket back up. “I hope Yoon and Mino like the toys, or it won’t have been worth my money.”

Seunghoon paused as they walked, staring at Jinwoo’s back. “Uh. Hyung?”

Jinwoo stopped as well and turned around to look at the other. “Hm?”

“It wasn’t you money.”

“What?”

“You’re wearing Mino’s jacket.”

Jinwoo felt his heart drop down to his stomach, eyes wide. He looked down, realized that he indeed was wearing the black leather jacket. He remembered how Mino had given it to him when he’d whined that he was cold.

“Well... Hopefully they really, _really_ like these little monsters.”

 

While Hoony and Jinwoo were at the claw machine getting plush toys, they ended up losing their friends and now they were searching all over the wide space. They checked the rollercoaster, the candy stands, and the clear area where they’d last seen Mino, Pyo and Yoon talking about photography.

But they were nowhere to be seen, so Seunghoon decided to give up and call one of them, even though he knew they might not hear their phones due to the noise all around. While Seunghoon was busy with the task, Jinwoo was standing next to him and holding all of their plushies.

And then out of nowhere, he heard someone call out, _“MINO!!”_

At the sound of his boyfriend’s name, Jinwoo spun around and immediately tried to find the person who said it. But before he could, there was already an arm around his shoulders.

Jinwoo froze up, completely stiff with the sudden, unwanted physical contact.

Seunghoon quickly dropped the call in favour of inserting himself between Jinwoo and the person, pushing them away politely.

“Hey, hey, back it up buddy,” Hoony said, frowning at the stranger.

The man was confused. He looked between Jinwoo and Hoony, scratching his head. “Well, shit,” he said in the end.

Jinwoo didn’t like how the guy’s gaze lingered.

“I thought—I thought you were someone else,” he explained.

Jinwoo didn’t speak. His heart was still racing, he was trying not to freak out.

“A mistake,” Seunghoon said, giving a tiny sympathetic smile, though still standing in front of Jinwoo protectively.

“Right.” The guy continued to eye Jinwoo. “I thought I’d recognize that jacket anywhere, but... Maybe my memory’s a little rusty. Sorry about that.”

Just as he turned to leave, Jinwoo managed to find his voice. “You—know Mino.”

The guy turned and continued to look at Jinwoo for a while, before he smiled faintly. “Yeah. We used to date some years back.”

Hearing this, Seunghoon got even more defensive. He would’ve helped Jinwoo with the plushies, however he needed his hands free if he needed to act quickly for any reason. He just had a bad feeling about this situation.

“So, uh,” the guy proceeded. “It _is_ his jacket?”

Jinwoo gave a tiny nod, subconsciously hugging the toys closer.

“So you must be the new boyfriend.”

Jinwoo nodded again, more hesitantly this time.

“How long have you been together?”

To Seunghoon, at least, it was obvious that this questioning was leading to nothing good, so he intervened.

“A while now. Well, we do have to go find him and our other friends. It was nice meeting you though.” He took Jinwoo by the arm and started to lead him away, but the guy stubbornly called after them,

“Wait, wait, wait!”

Seunghoon and Jinwoo exchanged looks. Hoony gave Jinwoo’s arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance, as to promise that he wouldn’t leave him or let this unpleasantness stretch out for too long.

“Maybe you misunderstood,” Mino’s ex kept talking. “I didn’t mean anything bad, Mino and I are on pretty good terms actually. I was just—well, I guess I was trying to look out for you.”

Seunghoon having his back allowed Jinwoo to collect himself after the encounter, so by now he was properly pissed and could speak for himself again.

“I don’t need you looking out for me, thank you very much.”

The annoying thing was that this dude looked really nice. He had those tiny, kind dimples and his eyes were crescents when he smiled. He had the softest brown hair and wore the comfiest of hoodies.

Jinwoo knew what he was: a fuckboy disguised as a really gentle, sweet person. Jinwoo could smell his insincerity from kilometres away, because, you see, Jinwoo was a gentle and sweet person himself and he wasn’t a fake, therefore he could recognize those who were.

“Feisty. That’d be a first for Mino,” the guy said. “He usually dates irresolute people, you know, so he could feel superior.”

Both Seunghoon and Jinwoo were at the edge of their nerves at this point. Jinwoo would have dropped the plushies and punched this dude then and there, if they weren’t so cute. Those toys were adorable and didn’t do anything to him, so Jinwoo didn’t want to hurt them.

Seunghoon knew he should have been working towards ending this conversation, but he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to be snarky,

“You do realize you just called yourself irresolute and inferior?”

The guy put his hands on his hips and shook his head with that humble, defeated smile of his. “Well. It’s because I _wasn’t_ that our relationship was so short.” He looked up at Jinwoo and tilted his head cutely. “Or was it because Mino is unable to settle down and just whores around all the time?”

They stared each other down for a little while, before Jinwoo dumped the plush toys into Seunghoon’s arms and started to step forward. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do, and clearly the ex also sensed this and wasn’t feeling threatened at all. He just stood there, striking a pose and smiling mockingly as if he’d already won.

But then Jinwoo spotted Dongwook and Jiho behind the guy, and they soon noticed him as well. They waved, but quickly realized that something was wrong, if only by the way Jinwoo stomped towards them.

Perhaps the ex was too intrigued to walk away.

Dongwook and Jiho were drinking slushies. Jinwoo snatched the one Jiho was holding and started to return to where Hoony and the unwanted acquaintance were.

The ex realized what was happening a little too late. By the time he even tried to step away, Jinwoo had dumped the entire thing on his head.

Seunghoon burst out laughing. Him and Jinwoo abandoned the dude who was trying to get the ice mixed with syrup out of his hair and off his clothes, cursing them both, and joined Dongwook and Jiho who were staring in awe, confusion and terror.

“Holy fuck. Was that Jungho?” Jiho asked, trying to get a better look at the slushied dude.

“Yup,” Dongwook confirmed, very happily sipping on his slushie that was still in its container. “He’s the one who was super bitter about breaking up with Mino.”

“That explains so much,” Seunghoon exclaimed, still chuckling. Every time he so much as glanced back at Jungho – who was now looking around as if expecting anyone to give a damn about what had just occurred, even though everyone around them had been too busy having fun and minding their own business to notice – he would start laughing all over again.

Jinwoo gave Jiho an apologetic look. “Come on, we need to find the others. And I’ll get you another slushie.”


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jinwoo...”
> 
> _‘Meow!’_

It took the four of them a considerable amount of time to find the rest of the group, after Jinwoo got Jiho his promised slushie of course.

They stumbled onto the rest of their group tucked away in a corner, on a free patch of grass, with some cans, candy wrappers and other carnival trash scattered around.

The others were sitting in shade, on their jackets lain onto the ground.

As it turned out, Pyo, Yoon and Mino were just in the middle of a photoshoot of each other. As for the other three; Dean was sitting with both Seunghyun and Hyoseob’s heads in his lap, one on each of his thighs.

Seunghyun seemed dizzy and ill and Hyoseob was sniffling.

“Wow. What the hell happened here?”

At the sound of Jiho’s voice Dean looked up. He lifted his hand off Hyoseob’s head in order to wave.

“Hi. Well—Seunghyun got sick on the rollercoaster because of all the candy we’d eaten beforehand, and Hyoseob just hated it a lot.” Saying this, he continued playing with Hyoseob’s hair.

Jinwoo and Seunghoon sat on the grass next to the three already there, to unload their plushies and free their hands.

Jinwoo heard approaching footsteps and in the next moment Mino was right there, trying to tug him off the ground.

“Let’s take gross couple-y pictures!” Mino was saying.

Jinwoo couldn’t pretend that he was annoyed even if he wanted to. After all, he remembered how the two of them hadn’t actually had their cute retro photoshoot in the diner. A cute retro photoshoot at a carnival seemed just as good.

He allowed himself to be pulled up, and he went with Mino to the designated spot.

Later, they all settled on the grass, with jackets spread out underneath them. They would’ve been stargazing, if it weren’t for the light pollution.

 

They were all hunched over the three cameras, looking at the photos from that day. Yoon, Hoony, Jinwoo and Mino all had their plush toys in their laps. The night was getting chilly, everyone was huddled together for warmth, sleepily leaning against each other.

“This is where you two disappeared,” Pyo said to Jinwoo and Seunghoon, pointing to a picture where it was the gang minus the two and minus Yoon who was taking the picture.

“You were gone pretty long… It must’ve taken a lot to get those toys out,” Dean hummed, zooming in on his own face in the photo, which resulted in Yoon swatting him away from his precious camera.

“Oh, they were held up,” Jiho said. “You’ll never guess who we—well, they ran into,” he told Mino.

He raised his eyebrows. “Who?” Mino could feel Jinwoo’s fist closing on his thigh, where his hand was rested.

“Jungho,” Jiho revealed.

“You’re shitting me,” Mino said. He took Jinwoo’s little fist and gently pushed it open, instead lacing their fingers together.

“I’m not. But get this: Jinwoo dumped a slushie on his head!”

Smiling, Mino lightly nudged Jinwoo. “You did? Good job, babe!”

Jinwoo just smiled weakly. It wasn’t that he was upset, it was that he’d been having an amazing moment sitting there with his friends and really didn’t want to think of the event from a couple of hours ago.

But Mino picked up on his mood drop and he worried that Jinwoo may have been hurt somehow.

“What… did he do to deserve that?” He asked.

“Are you kidding me? He only needed to breathe and he’d deserve it,” Jiho chimed, but one look from Mino told him that the question had been for Jinwoo specifically.

“He just talked crap,” was Jinwoo’s answer however, not elaborating too much.

Mino didn’t want to say much more, not in front of everyone when they were supposed to be having fun. He only kissed Jinwoo’s cheek and held him closer.

 

They decided to ride the Ferris wheel before they headed home, now that the screaming children were gone.

As much as both Jinwoo and Mino wanted to enjoy it and have their romcom moment and kiss at the highest point, there was a certain uneasiness in both of them, one they could feel between each other as well.

But this tension didn’t make them want to be apart, in fact it was quite the opposite. It made them want to overcome it together. And after all, that ride was likely to be their only chance to be alone that entire day.

“I’m sorry to bring this up,” Mino said quietly, perhaps a bit too quietly for the place that was still alive, music still playing from various rides, even though many had been cleared up.

He cleared his throat and spoke a bit louder, “But I feel like the whole thing with Jungho is—I mean I’m sorry it even happened, but since it did—”

Jinwoo didn’t hesitate this time, with it being just the two of them, he could be honest about what had happened. “If you really want to know what he said, he basically called you a whore and said you’d leave me the first chance you get.”

Mino squeezed Jinwoo’s hand, held it against his chest. “I don’t—know how you interpreted that but, he had a reason for saying what he did, in a way… I just want to be honest with you.

“We dated when I was still in college and, well, I had that period when I just wanted to have fun and not think about tomorrow—basically I ended up with lots of flings, can’t even call them relationships.

“He was a bit of a longer one… Probably because I was starting to grow out of that. But – that was _years_ ago—”

He seemed to have wanted to say more, but didn’t know how. As Mino tumbled words over in his mind, Jinwoo shook his head and leaned against him.

“I know that, Mino-yah. You don’t have to explain yourself so much. I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me.”

It was genuine and utter relief that Jinwoo then saw in Mino’s eyes.

Jinwoo leaned down to press a kiss to Mino’s knuckles. “He just doesn’t know anything about us.”

Mino smiled faintly, letting out a small sigh. “Yeah. He knows shit.”

Jinwoo sat up a bit, trying to make himself at least as tall as Mino. The younger cooperated by shrinking a bit, letting Jinwoo engulf him in a hug. He placed his head on Jinwoo’s shoulder, and Jinwoo in turn rested his head on top of Mino’s.

This was somewhere Jinwoo never thought he’d be—not being the vulnerable one. Holding someone.

“We should go out, just the two of us,” Mino spoke up. “It’s been a while.”

Jinwoo nodded, kissed Mino’s forehead. “We should,” he whispered.

Lately they’d been spending a lot of time with their friends – not at all a bad thing – however, it had been a while since they’d gone on a proper date.

They did spend lots of time together, but it just wasn’t _that_ ; it was simply hanging out. Jinwoo and Pyo often went to the tattoo shop to just be around Mino, both with their laptops, all three of them doing their own work, just being in each other’s presence. Pyo and him had gotten closer too.

But Jinwoo and Mino missed the whole charm of going on dates, the neon lights of the diner, walks by the Han river.

It would have been nice to experience all that again.

* * *

It was an hour or less before Mino was supposed to come pick Jinwoo up that his phone rang.

Picking up, Jinwoo smiled smugly. “We are _about_ to see each other, Mino-yah. Do you miss me _that_ much?”

 _“I absolutely do, but this call actually has a purpose,”_ Mino said. _“I thought of a place to take you, but… It’s really. Cute. Just, cuteness overload. I mean, I associate cute things with you, but is that okay? Do you like that much cuteness?”_

Jinwoo spun around, leaned against his desk. “I don’t mind some excessive cuteness from time to time.”

_“That’s perfect. See you soon!”_

Hanging up, Jinwoo just stared at his phone with a little dazed smile on his face, before he remembered to continue getting ready.

 

Maybe high waisted jeans and a crop top were too bold. Some months ago Jinwoo wouldn’t have had the confidence to wear something like that.

But here he was, making a tiny run Mino’s way and into his arms.

“Wow, look at you!” Mino exclaimed, squeezing Jinwoo gently. The elder knew Mino liked these kinds of hugs, where Jinwoo got lovingly squished, and was made to feel small in a gentle, nonthreatening way.

“I’m loving the outfit. I’ve missed you getting all dressed up for me,” Mino continued.

With the hug ended, Jinwoo climbed on his tiptoes and cupped Mino’s cheeks, then leaned in to boop their noses together. “I don’t get dressed up for you, love, I get dressed up for myself.”

Mino was smiling even wider than before, hands rested on Jinwoo’s waist and wondering up under his shirt. “Of course you do, baby. And you’re _so hot_.”

Jinwoo indulged Mino for a little while, let his hands reach his shoulder blades before he lightly smacked Mino’s arm, pushed him away just as playfully as he’d smacked him.

“Don’t be gross, Mino-yah! Let’s get going, shall we?”

As soon as Jinwoo told him to, Mino removed his hands and instead pecked Jinwoo’s nose. As if they hadn’t done it thousands of time, as if he couldn’t do it himself by now, he helped Jinwoo onto the motorcycle.

As if Jinwoo wasn’t going to, Mino said, “Hold on tight.”

 

“Line Friends Cafe? Really Mino?”

Jinwoo looked to the younger, then back at the entrance.

Mino shrugged, pouting as he began to question his choice. “Yeah... Why not? It’s cute... I thought—we could take lots of pictures and after I can get you one of those huge plush toys... Did I go overboard with the cute?”

Jinwoo pretended to be judging him for just a second longer, before Mino’s sad pout got unbearable. Jinwoo nudged him and smiled.

“I’m messing with you! I love it.” Jinwoo would’ve kissed him about now, but he still wasn’t all that good with PDA. The most he could do was a small squeeze to Mino’s hand, but to the younger it was enough.

 

Mino felt like it was silly to tell Jinwoo, out of the blue, that he was proud of him. Although still reserved and crumbling under the gazes of others, these days he could lose himself in the thought that the two of them were alone. He could laugh, talk as loudly as he wanted, even get close, just as long as he didn’t remember that they were surrounded by people, hundreds of people who didn’t know anything about the two of them, or their conversations. Then Jinwoo would fall silent again, avert his gaze, draw back.

And even though these moments exited, the change was significant. Jinwoo was nothing like he was when Mino had met him, in the best way possible.

 

It was one of those moments. Jinwoo was looking down, stirring his drink with the straw.

Mino leaned in and slid a piece of paper across the table.

Jinwoo looked up at Mino, and then down at the paper.

“I just thought... I haven’t drawn for you in a while,” Mino said.

Just like the first time, the paper was a page out of Mino’s sketchbook, covered in doodles. One caught Jinwoo’s eye; it was him, undoubtedly. Jinwoo was on the page, with little cat whiskers and ears.

The sight of it made Jinwoo melt. He smiled, that same kittenish smile from the drawing.

“You are so cheesy,” he said, taking the page carefully and pressing it to his chest.

Mino too was smiling, happy and relieved that he could bring Jinwoo some joy. “Too bad, you have to deal with me.”

Jinwoo shook his head. “It’s still going on my wall, don’t worry.” Jinwoo, just like Pyo, had a designated wall in his apartment dedicated to everything Mino drew for him. Pyo and him had been surprised and delighted to find that they appreciated Mino’s art in the same way, back when Jinwoo had first visited.

How he wanted to kiss Mino. If it wasn’t for the blockade, call it shyness if you will, he would have done it then and there – many times as well. This way, he could only wait.

And he waited, waited while they had their drinks and desserts, waited while Mino got him yet another plush toy, waited throughout the ride home. And as time passed, Mino only gave Jinwoo more reasons to kiss him.

 

When they were finally, truly, alone, shielded away in Jinwoo’s apartment, he still hesitated. Just a split second of their lips brushing in the darkness, with that one millimetre still between them.

Mino’s hands were shaking in Jinwoo’s, he was trembling with anticipation, determined to hold up to his promise to always let Jinwoo be the one to move things forward.

And he did. After that split second of hesitation, it came like a tidal wave.

It wasn’t often that Mino was astonished, but Jinwoo had to admit it was amusing to see – more so to feel. To feel Mino stumbling and gripping Jinwoo’s hips for balance, before he inevitably bumped into the wall behind him.

Of course, the impact of his action would have been bigger if Jinwoo had been taller, but he was doing a good job at pinning Mino to the wall without it.

Oh, the look on his face was priceless. Mino didn’t get flustered often. But now he was more than that; surprised, baffled, messy bangs falling into his eyes, lips parted and swollen.

“Jinwoo...”

_‘Meow!’_

Both of them jolted at the sound; it was as if Bei was scolding them. _Not in front of the kids._

Jinwoo chuckled, flicking his gaze to his judgmental kitties, who were standing next to one another and gaping at Mino, pressed up against the wall, and Jinwoo, standing in front of him, hand propped up against the very same wall, perhaps tiptoeing, but don’t tell anyone.

He looked back up at Mino, leaned in so that their noses were touching. “Let’s go... I don’t think they want to watch.”

Jinwoo started to pull away when Mino took him by the wrist. Jinwoo stopped in his tracks, locked eyes with Mino once more.

Mino led Jinwoo’s hand, pressed it to his chest. Jinwoo could feel, right under his fingertips, the drumming of his heart.

“You’re doing this to me, Jinwoo,” he whispered.

It made him smile. How different it was, when the feelings were mutual. When he felt his own impact on the other person, and things weren’t merely being done to him.

Jinwoo shuffled closer, tiptoed once again to press his forehead to Mino’s. “I love you,” he mumbled. He moved his hand in Mino’s, interlocked their fingers, and started leading him towards the bedroom.

Mino didn’t know where this was going, but he let it happen.

Rei and Bei followed them all the way to the bedroom, but at the doorway, Jinwoo kneeled down and gave them paps on their little heads. “Sorry, lovelies.” Then he closed the door.

The cats were meowing, scratching at the door, but Jinwoo didn’t seem to mind. Mino was standing by the bed, sucking on his lip ring, eyes glued to the door from behind which the sounds were coming.

Jinwoo walked over, grasped the front of Mino’s shirt and pulled him into another kiss.

“It’s me you should be looking at,” he whispered to a still disoriented Mino, once the kiss had broken.

Mino barely had the time to nod, before Jinwoo started gently nudging him, until Mino got the hint and let himself fall back on the bed.

Jinwoo flopped down next to him, smiling, wiggling himself closer until he could nuzzle Mino’s neck, asking for more kisses in the subtlest of ways, much like a cat. He curled himself into Mino’s side, wiggled into his arms, got close enough to tip his head back and brush Mino’s lips with his own.

And who was Mino to refuse.

But it was so unusual, for Jinwoo to be so grabby and breathy.

Mino barely escaped Jinwoo’s lips long enough to mutter, “Babe, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” Jinwoo whispered, hiding his face.

Mino cupped Jinwoo’s cheek, to make him look up. It took one soft, yet heavy gaze of Mino’s for Jinwoo to realize that he needed to clarify.

Jinwoo’s fingers curled into the fabric of Mino’s shirt and he bit on his lip as he tried to think of the best way to word it.

“I want to try—again,” he said at last.

He thought he saw something like excitement flash across Mino’s expression, but it was gone in a second, replaced by his ever-present concern. “Alright. But tell me if something—anything—is wrong, okay?”

Jinwoo nodded. Speaking up was something he was yet to exercise, but what mattered to him the most at the moment was the knowledge that if he did want to stop, Mino would respect that. It put him at ease.

Leaning on his forearm as he was, Mino once again closed the gap between them. Jinwoo’s heart was already racing, he felt tense with anticipation, hand still gripping at Mino’s shirt.

But the kiss was so slow, with Mino’s lips lazily moving against his, that way he always kissed him, gently and with no rush. With Mino’s fingers threading through Jinwoo’s hair so lightly, he began to unravel, felt the tension leave his body. His fist unclenched and he let go of Mino’s shirt, instead wrapping his arm around they younger’s neck.

Jinwoo wasn’t used to things being so slow. He wasn’t used to soft touches, kisses carefully placed down his neck, lips brushing against his collarbones. His heart was still beating, but he figured that wouldn’t change anytime soon. It was as if the beating echoed through his bones and left him tingling all over, with a pleasant kind of bubble in his gut.

There weren’t any thoughts in Jinwoo’s mind, however the closest thing to a thought going through his head in that moment was how badly he wanted to touch Mino. However, he was still a bit stiff, clinging to him instead of moving; although if anything was going to help him relax it was Mino’s touch.

While Mino was busy nipping on his collarbones, Jinwoo slipped his hand under the younger’s shirt, traced his waistline. Mino pulled away, as if surprised, as if he was so inexperienced that he didn’t expect touch to be involved in this situation.

This surprise immediately melted away. He sat up, pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side. He leaned back in, resting his hand on the mattress by Jinwoo’s head.

Jinwoo wanted to focus on the finally shirtless Mino in front of him, he wanted to enjoy being free to love his boyfriend in a way he’d wanted to for so long, however he couldn’t do that because tension started to build up in his chest once again. Not the pleasant, bubbly kind, but one that took his breath away.

And now Jinwoo’s mind was only screaming _“no, no, no, no, no, no, no—”_

Why was it happening? Everything was going so well, why was he suddenly getting uncomfortable?

To try and get over it, Jinwoo took Mino by the hair and pulled him down into a kiss, heated and heavy. The change of pace was startling, but Jinwoo was doing his very best to ignore the feeling of discomfort, hoping that it was something temporary.

But it wasn’t going away. Especially when Mino placed his other hand on the mattress, bracketing Jinwoo.

 “Wa-it,” Jinwoo stuttered in a small voice, and Mino pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, shuffling away a little.

Jinwoo couldn’t respond to this question immediately. He only put his hand on Mino’s chest, and the younger got the hint to get off of Jinwoo completely.

He took a deep breath and felt himself relaxing, like the ocean retreating after a wave.

Mino wanted to ask again, but he knew he needed to give Jinwoo a moment.

“We don’t have to do this,” Mino muttered after a while, as Jinwoo wasn’t saying anything, or moving, just lying on his back with his hand on his chest, staring at the ceiling and breathing deeply.

Jinwoo propped himself up on his elbows, quickly shook his head. “No, no, just... Not like that.”

“Like what?” Mino asked, now shuffling closer again, however still careful not to touch Jinwoo.

“I felt trapped,” he said. Saying this, he started to nuzzle himself close to Mino again, if only to show that he wasn’t opposed to touch, that his moment of weakness was more or less over.

“Okay,” Mino said, wrapped his arms around Jinwoo’s waist and kissed his temple. “I have an idea about how to solve that. Maybe..”

Mino slid his hands down to Jinwoo’s thighs, and pulled him onto his lap.

Jinwoo let out a small gasp and rested his tiny fists on Mino’s shoulders for balance. This way he felt more exposed, but the tension from before was gone, which was good.

But his hands were still trembling, and so Mino took one of Jinwoo’s little fists and kissed his knuckles. “Better?”

Jinwoo gave a small nod, rested his forehead on Mino’s. “Thank you,” he muttered. He thought, this might just work. He smiled, cupped Mino’s cheeks and kissed him, a kiss that was broken nearly immediately when he started giggling.

Mino joined in, shaking his head a little. He plopped forward a little, to press their foreheads together. “Love… What do you wanna do?”

Mino gave him the time to think, getting busy running his hand up and down Jinwoo’s side.

“I’m not sure,” he responded at last. “I wan—I want you inside me, that’s all I know,” he muttered hastily, and as soon as he did, buried his face in the crook of Mino’s neck.

“You could ride me, that way I wouldn’t be on top of you.”

Jinwoo honestly couldn’t comprehend how could Mino speak of such things so casually. But in all honesty, he appreciated it. They needed at least one of them to be collected in these situations.

Now Jinwoo wasn’t entirely sure if he would be able to do it, but he wanted to try nonetheless. He gave a small nod.

Mino kissed his temple and said, “In that case you’re gonna have to tell me where you keep the lube.”

Jinwoo was the tiniest bit anxious about this part, unsure if he’d be made to feel uncomfortable.

What he didn’t expect was to be cuddled through it; but there he was, curled up against Mino, tucked away in his embrace.

Mino didn’t miss a single chance to give Jinwoo soft little kissies, anywhere Jinwoo would let him.

It was Mino’s care for details and his efforts to help Jinwoo relax that made the air lighter and more breathable. Jinwoo was still jumpy, a little panicked with every change of pace, but that was exactly why Mino kept it slow and made sure to communicate everything.

Perhaps the thing Jinwoo appreciated the most was the fact that Mino didn’t manhandle him. When he felt like he was stretched enough – although he wasn’t sure if his estimation was correct – Mino let him get up by and straddle his lap by himself.

Before doing so, Mino kicked his jeans off kind of hastily; Jinwoo found it cute.

There was more delay as Jinwoo realized he was very uncomfortable being naked or, what was the other option, staying only in his crop top. So he grabbed Mino’s shirt and put it on – it covered him up perfectly and it was even baggier on his smaller frame.

Only then did he climb back into Mino’s lap.

Mino held Jinwoo up by the hips while he slowly lowered himself. The way Mino was bouncy and impatient, but still trying to hold back was absolutely adorable. That, mixed with the many kisses Mino was pressing to Jinwoo’s cheeks easily made him burst into giggles.

Shy, he hid his face and said, “I don’t think I know how to do this.”

This made them both burst out laughing yet again and Mino managed to get out an “It’s okay. Your booty feels nice already.”

It took them a while to stop laughing like two dumbasses, and even afterwards they were snickering, laughing again if they happened to make eye contact.

“Wait—maybe,” Jinwoo said, because he really didn’t wanna just sit there.

He took Mino by the shoulders, sat up a bit and moved his hips a little to get the feel for it.

Mino inhaled sharply. His giggles died down a bit, although his smile remained.

“Like this...?” Jinwoo muttered, trying to roll his hips a tiny bit.

Judging by the small jolt in his gut and the quiet moan that escaped Mino, Jinwoo could only deduce that yeah, _like that_.

By the time Jinwoo really got the hang of it his thighs already stung. It all felt pretty sloppy, but Mino didn’t seem to mind one bit; there he was, with his eyes closed, leaning in for a kiss every time he got overwhelmed, even though he would inevitably break the kiss and moan against Jinwoo’s lips.

Jinwoo didn’t want to stop, even though his thighs hurt, even though he was trembling, for the first time he didn’t want to stop.

For the first time he was in control of his pleasure, while also giving it to someone.

Even though he was pretty shaken up afterwards, a little withdrawn and in need of lots of quiet cuddling, Jinwoo decided that this is something he enjoys doing, although he isn’t sure it could be with anyone but Mino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so nervous about writing this chapter that it threw me into such a long art block... it wasn't only that, but still, the fear of letting everyone down was overwhelming.  
> I hope you end up liking it  
> and thank you so much for sticking with this story until the very end


	13. Epilogue

Jinwoo watched Dongwook drive away, after he gave his usual peace sign as a goodbye.

The good thing was that Mino was standing. However he wasn’t quite coordinated and he was easily distracted, so Jinwoo still had to drag him along.

Shivering in the chilly air, he wondered why and how there were people sitting outside of his apartment building at that hour. They were chatting, laughing, having a smoke. Jinwoo recognized two of them as his neighbours.

He was planning on saying hi and proceeding to lead Mino upstairs, but Mino seemed to have other plans.

As soon as he saw the people, he started calling out to them and waving. Jinwoo tried to stop him, but there was really no use—they were headed that way anyway, if they meant to enter the building.

By the time they were at the door Mino had already attracted their attention. Jinwoo mumbled out a greeting with a bow of his head to the two he knew, and tried to push Mino inside, but he easily slipped through Jinwoo’s fingers.

And now he was standing in front of the group of friends, smiling brightly. “Hi!”

They greeted back, snickering. Thankfully, they didn’t seem malicious, only amused.

Before he understood what was going on, Mino’s arms were around Jinwoo’s waist and he was being pulled close. Immediately his heart started racing uncomfortably—sure his neighbours seemed to be his age, or younger, but he couldn’t take their age as indication that they were open minded. You never know.

But it was too late for warnings. A drunk Mino didn’t understand the subtleties of Jinwoo’s gentle pushes.

“This is my boyfriend,” it was there, out in the open.

Jinwoo’s cheeks were burning. He was no longer cold, he was sweating with fear of the people’s reaction, however he kept his gaze downcast, avoiding their eyes. Therefore, he didn’t see their reactions.

“Isn’t he the prettiest?”

Jinwoo was now seriously struggling, trying to pull Mino along, but a response from the group came as a unanimous yes, spoken through chuckles. He dared look up and he thought that he saw something in the people before him – not just amusement, but fondness.

“Oh no, that wasn’t a question,” Mino proceeded. “He is _absolutely_ the prettiest. Oh, but, he’s the most beautiful when he’s smiling—” saying this, he leaned his head on Jinwoo’s, closing his eyes and smiling. But then his eyes snapped open and he started poking at Jinwoo’s cheeks. “He’s got dimples!”

He leaned over and, not easing on the poking, said to Jinwoo, “Babe, show them your dimples!”

Jinwoo thought he’d die of embarrassment at this request. But, there was something in the way Mino was showing him off that made him want to oblige, just because it was so harmless. And met with their spectators’ expectation, he couldn’t help it.

Jinwoo gave the kittenish smile he does, the one that shows his dimples the most.

He wasn’t expecting much, but the groups of friends not only collectively ‘awww’ed at him, they gave him a small applause.

It was the most praise he’d ever gotten for the least effort he’d ever given.

“Well—we gotta go now,” Jinwoo said, and that time when he pushed, Mino actually moved.

“Bye!” He yelled to the people now left behind him, and they called their goodbyes back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a hard time believing that this story has truly reached its end. I kind of want to cry but kind of can't.  
> Again, thank you to everyone who stuck with this story, thank you to everyone who commented to everyone who left kudos, to everyone who appreciated this fic in any way.  
> As sad as I am that I'm leaving this particular project behind, I'm going to keep on writing of course, so I invite everyone to stick with me and my other stories <3


End file.
